Pun titles that aren't fucking puns

[popcorn]

Fortnight. It's got forts in it, I assume (and even then perhaps it doesn't), but what does it have to do with nites or nights? Most critically, what does it have to do with fortnights? Each round of the game should last two weeks, imo.

Maid in Manhattan. Yes, it's about a maid in Manhattan (I assume). But is "made in Manhattan" a phrase? Is there much manufacturing in Manhattan? Is the story somehow connected with manufacturing in Manhattan?

Look, I'm going to get shit for this, but Die Hard. Why is it called Die Hard? Is it because it's hard for Bruce Willis to die? Is he a "diehard"... husband...? Perhaps with a title that made sense this film could have been a hit.

You have to use every part of the pun. It's like Native Americans and buffalo. It is disrespectful if you don't.

[Howj Begg]

Die Hard: It's re purposing the old English phrase "Old Habits Die Hard" which is a few centuries old. He's very hard to kill. That's it really.

[magval]

It's not that you jerks, is that he can't switch off even when he's not at work and still ends up policing a situation thousands of miles outside his jurisdiction. Being a cop is the old habit.

It's not that is hard for him to die you fucking goblins.

[Dr Rock]

Why isn't it called 'Old Habits..' then?

[Gregory Torso]

"Die Hard" is what Hans Gruber calls his gang, you idiots.

[Inspector Norse]

No, it's McClane's name in the Welsh dub.

[mothman]

"Old Habits" sounds like a BBC comedy drama about a group of long-defrocked monks teaming up to solve old cases... of contradictory Church dogma. Dennis Waterman provides the Gregorian chant-based feem tune.

[Pingers]

Di Hard is what Dodi used to get.

[Inspector Norse]

This one is actually a pun, it's just the mere fact of its existence that is worrying.

[touchingcloth]

Good Will Hunting.

I always assumed the "Good Will" bit is supposed to somehow recall "goodwill", but "goodwill hunting" isn't a thing I'm aware of.

Even if no reference to goodwill is intended, that makes the title somehow even worse. Imagine the same film with the same characters and the same plot, the only difference being that Will Hunting was named "Ian Autist". "Do you want to go and watch Good Ian Autist in the cinema tonight?", "Nah, and I won't even wait for it on DVD. Sounds shite."

[DrGreggles]

There used to be a Chinese takeaway near me called 'Wok, Rest & Play' - I think we can all see what they did there.
But then they branched out and started doing pizzas as well, so they changed their name to 'Wok, Rest & Pizza'.

[thenoise]

Die Hard

It's German for 'The Hard'.

[touchingcloth]

I've come across more than a few takeaways called Babylon, which I assume must be a tenuous keBabylon.

My local chippy used to be called Captain Cod, which sounds like it is trying to be a pun but really isn't. It's not this same Captain Cod, but I did enjoy this all the same:

[Paul Calf]

There's a chip shop near us called 'The Cod's Scallops' which doesn't work as a pun and because of this, I can never remember its name.

[touchingcloth]

There's a chip shop near us called 'The Cod's Scallops' which doesn't work as a pun and because of this, I can never remember its name.

It's close enough to codswallop, I would say. A legitimate enough pun, but not one you'd want to attach to a business.

[Mr Banlon]

Cod's Scallops = Dog's Bollocks ?

[Paul Calf]

Cod's Scallops = Dog's Bollocks ?

Apparently so.

[Mr Banlon]

There's a chinese takeaway up the road from me called Gaga's Kitchen.
The woman that runs it isn't called Gaga, and as far as I know Gaga doesn't mean anything in Chinese. The place used to be called something like 'The Brown Dragon' until Lady Gaga became a thing.
Does Lady Gaga fucking love chinese food or something ?

[a duncandisorderly]

It's German for 'The Hard'.

"a felt NOWT"

[Cursus]

There's a chip shop near us called 'The Cod's Scallops' which doesn't work as a pun and because of this, I can never remember its name.

That one annoys me too. Glad I'm not the only one.

Cod's Scallops = Dog's Bollocks ?

Maybe it's a clue to tell you what meat they use in their battered sausages.

[Mr Banlon]

There used to be a pine furniture shop in my town called Knot Just Pine.
I get it, wood has knots in it, and it's a play on 'not just pine'.
The thing is, they only sold pine furniture. Nothing else at all.

[Inspector Norse]

There used to be a pine furniture shop in my town called Knot Just Pine.
I get it, wood has knots in it, and it's a play on 'not just pine'.
The thing is, they only sold pine furniture. Nothing else at all.

Maybe it was owned by someone named Knot?

[DistressedArea]

Takeaway near me is called Dr Harold Chipman.

[touchingcloth]

I grew up slightly too late for the era when every sitcom had a title based on the names of characters, and still to this day I have sudden realisations that programs I've been aware of my whole life but have never actually seen have punning titles.

"Oh, 'Good' is their surname."

"I see, it's Vyvyan Young."

"Aha, it's about Ian Thyneighbour."

[Jittlebags]

Sadly this chippy in Sheffield is no more.

[seepage]

There used to be a pine furniture shop in my town called Knot Just Pine.
I get it, wood has knots in it, and it's a play on 'not just pine'.
The thing is, they only sold pine furniture. Nothing else at all.

Not just fine i.e. extra fine?

[DistressedArea]

I mean, no-one says 'oh, shall we go see the chip man' do they?

Makes no sense.

[touchingcloth]

Sadly this chippy in Sheffield is no more.

I especially like the understated secondary pun of a cod on a scooter.

[DrGreggles]

Takeaway near me is called Dr Harold Chipman.

There's a chip van near me in need of a name...

[Mr Banlon]

A company that makes custom staircases. I doubt many Fred Astair fans can manage the stairs.