Which is worse...

[Icehaven]

...Forgetting someone's birthday completely or sending a happy birthday message a month early?

[imitationleather]

Is this one of those Richard Herring emergency questions?

[Darles Chickens]

Send the forgettee a late birthday message, but say you're getting it in early for next year.  Win-win.

[dr_christian_troy]

If you send the message the month early, you've acknowledged that they even have a birthday - and by extension that they exist - and so if that's not validation I don't know what is.

[Icehaven]

If you send the message the month early, you've acknowledged that they even have a birthday - and by extension that they exist - and so if that's not validation I don't know what is.

Hmmmm this is looking like the best tactic. It's my mate I've known for 25 year's birthday either today or the 14th July. 25 years and I still can't remember.

[Twed]

Cover for the mistake by pretending that your brain offsets months by one. Over-compensate.

"I hope you had a good birthday Friend. Not long now until Christmas Day, which is on the 25th of November!"

[a duncandisorderly]

my first wedding anniversary today. I remembered just before midnight last night, & sent the mrs a message "happy anniversary".

she's like "what? anniversary of what?"

so I win.

[Attila]

Hmmmm this is looking like the best tactic. It's my mate I've known for 25 year's birthday either today or the 14th July. 25 years and I still can't remember.

My mother's birthday is 14 July. She will be 90 this year.

Every year, I call her on the 14th June to wish her a happy birthday because it drives her nuts.

[Icehaven]

My mother's birthday is 14 July. She will be 90 this year.

Every year, I call her on the 14th June to wish her a happy birthday because it drives her nuts.

Oooh that's even better.
"Hi mate, happy birthday!"
"It's not my birthday."
"Haha I'm just messing with you buddy speak to you next month OK bye" *hangs up sharpish*.

[Attila]

There you go :)

Also, about 6 ot 7 years ago, I bought her one of those 'Happy 100th birthday!' cards and told her to hang on to it, to save me the trouble of sending anymore. She was not amused, but my auntie, who died last year at 97, thought it was quite funny when I sent her a similiar one about a decade ago. My cousin told me that she got it out again every birthday and would just chuckle over it.

So depending on how old your mate's going to be, it could save you years of time and trouble.

[Buelligan]

Hmmmm this is looking like the best tactic. It's my mate I've known for 25 year's birthday either today or the 14th July. 25 years and I still can't remember.

That's very weird icehaven, I too have a friend from school who I forget the birthday of,every fucking year. 

I always send a birthday wish on the wrong day/month.  Last year, I sent an email saying I was sorry, I know I'd missed the fucking birthday again but as he knows, I don't do birthdays and I send love.  I sent it on his fucking birthday.  And he always remembers my birthday and sends a present.  So I know what that makes me but nothing's going to change.  But thanks, I feel better now knowing that you are as bad a person as I am.  At least in that respect.

[bgmnts]

I've never forgotten a friend's birthday.

Because I have no friends.

[chveik]

I've never forgotten a friend's birthday.

Because I have no friends.

that is indeed worse.

[king_tubby]

I've never forgotten a friend's birthday.

Because I have no friends.

Untrue. In part. For we here are your friends.

But you have forgotten our birthdays. All of them. You fucking monster.

[Buelligan]

He didn't forget mine actually.

He's a very, very, generous and kind person.

[shiftwork2]

Much less value in a 'remembered birthday' now with social media and phones pinging away the good news.  An old phone of mine would ask if I wished to send a happy birthday text.  Why not go the whole hog and totally automate it?  Mark's phone wishes you a happy birthday.  He's oblivious obviously but let's not dwell on that.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I'd just like to point out it's my birthday on the 11th of July, just so that everyone has time to start planning what they're going to give me.

[chveik]

happy birthday SMBH!

[Attila]

I'm pretty easy going if someone wants to send me a card or even just an email on my birthday -- whether they get it on the day or in the general ballpark -- I'm happy that someone actually remembered and took the time (because it's fairly rare, but whatever).

Mr Attila's family, tho...it's a matter of life or death from what I can tell that you get someone's card or present to them on the exact day of their birthday or it's like a federal crime and you're in the doghouse. No wonder he gets so stressed out at Christmas or for the 3 million birthdays of friends and family he's got on his calendar.

Anyone I knew who was that hung up if I didn't send them a card or present bang on in time to arrive on the big day, fuck'em.

[shiftwork2]

Anyone I knew who was that hung up if I didn't send them a card or present bang on in time to arrive on the big day, fuck'em.

This is quite interesting.  Did you actually do that?  I'm squarely in the couldn't-give-a-kipper's camp but have learned to my cost that some people take their birthday incredibly seriously.  Wasn't it a famous philosopher, Russell Grant maybe, who wrote that most disagreements between people are a mismatch between the personal significance attached to a thing or event?  I just don't think it's worth losing people over.

[Attila]

This is quite interesting.  Did you actually do that?  I'm squarely in the couldn't-give-a-kipper's camp but have learned to my cost that some people take their birthday incredibly seriously.  Wasn't it a famous philosopher, Russell Grant maybe, who wrote that most disagreements between people are a mismatch between the personal significance attached to a thing or event?  I just don't think it's worth losing people over.

Some of the dumbest arguments/sources of tension between me and friends was over the divide between 'you must send a card to arrive exactly on my birthday' and 'nah, close enough, 6 months on either side of the divide is ok.'

To answer your question: there were a LOT of issues when my first marriage fell apart, and one of the things he was absolutely furious about was one year, after we'd been together for about 10 (including from before the marriage, etc), I was over in the UK for a period that included his birthday. It was unavoidable, as there was a conferencey thing going on and I was contracted to write reviews for it. I did let him know well ahead of time, and promised we'd do something special for his birthday when I was back a week later.

Not only did he throw a strop about me not being present exactly on the day of his birthday (even though we never went anywhere or did anything special, ever, for either birthday or anniversaries), but my best friend at the time sided with him, saying that I should cut short the conference and come back so I could sit in the house or whatever with him on his birthday.

Had the situation been reversed, I honestly would have been fine with postponing any 'celebration' or whatever to the time when the conference/trip/whatever was over. It's something I've had a hell of a time trying to get through to Mr Attila -- I think one year on our anniversary or something he was gagging to go to an indie concert with his pals (not my cup of tea, so under ordinary circs I wouldn't have gone anyway), and I told him, quite honestly, it was fine -- go, have a good time! Much nicer than him staying around, obviously wanting to be at this show, and making me feel really uncomfortable because I knew he wanted to be somewhere else.

And it's not a passive-aggressive thing on my part -- if there's a super cool thing he'd like to do and it happens to fall on some 'big date' -- I'm honestly cool with it: go! Have fun. :)

So, it's been rare and unusual that I've known someone who was such a strict stickler for CARDS PRESENTS GREETINGS MUST BE ON THE DAY, but the fallout from a couple of clashes has been enough for me to avoid getting into that situation/involved with someone in that situation again. To me it's not that big a deal, but I  can see where to other people itis a really important thing.