Best blasphemes

[Inspector Norse]

Is there some New Testament verse I missed foreshadowing a firey descent into hell for those who travel on only two wheels?

I'm sure you recall the verse from Andrew 3:14 which recounts to us how Our Lord Jesus Christ did descend from Heaven upon such a conveyance, his ensuing misadventures causing the death of a child and the excruciatingly painful entrapment of his gonads in the lid of a dustbin.

[mojo filters]

I'm sure you recall the verse from Andrew 3:14 which recounts to us how Our Lord Jesus Christ did descend from Heaven upon such a conveyance, his ensuing misadventures causing the death of a child and the excruciatingly painful entrapment of his gonads in the lid of a dustbin.

I'll be sure to point out that missing part in my early religious education, next time I see my elderly church-going mother. It'll easily break the tension after I've accidentally yelled some variation on muthafucking cock-sucker at something that's popped up on my phone. Fortunately she's so offended by the words "fuck" and "cock" that she never puts the whole phrase together...or maybe she does so quietly, whilst adherently reserving some special place in hell for me and my Godless soul?

I'm not entirely convinced that "gonads" was a common colloquialism in Biblical times however. Nor do I think the modern "dustbin" existed back then. Come to think of it, I don't recall the prophet Andrew getting his own chapter either!

[Anagram of a Shit Name]

They're all blaspheming by the time.....etc etc

[touchingcloth]

God you, you...you...you, holy dick.

[mojo filters]

They're all blaspheming by the time.....etc etc

Roger Waters needlessly re-writes the end of Eclipse. Then tours it, with blatantly tracked vox and overwrought staging. Stadium rock ahoy; Syd's body turns in grave!

[AllisonSays]

Tabernac! Sapperlipopettes!

[Shaky]

Christ's cock!
Godfucker
Shit Lord

[idunnosomename]

not just a spoken bit of blasphemy when mentioning the title, but also a nice ungodly visual: Andres Serrano's Piss Christ

isnt the point is that only the title is blasphemous. Without it it's just a photograph of a crucifix in liquid

I think it's pretty clever anyway. Good photography too

[idunnosomename]

Anyway Pope Francis stubbed his toe on the wardrobe the other day and yelled JAAYYZUS CUNT

[Cerys]

Is Christ on a bike actually blasphemous?

Surely it's just our Lord and saviour availing himself of a modest contemporary transportation convenience? Is there some New Testament verse I missed foreshadowing a firey descent into hell for those who travel on only two wheels?

The 'bike' in question is a lady of questionable virtue.  Hope this helps.

[NoOffenceLynn]

This is saying from my granny, that would have been considered by her family blasphemous back in her day, they were very religious and invoking the name of Jesus without falling to your knees and saying a decade of the rosary was heading towards blasphemy.

My gran wasn't religious and frequently disagreed with them and their fervent beliefs. When talking about her family she would roll her eyes(to heaven of course) and say.

"Jesus, they would argue with Christ on the Cross"

[mothman]

Semprini.

[Drop Dead Fred]

Fuck a priest!

Jesus Filth!

Christ Cunt!

God Pissflaps!

Jesus and Mary Cum Face!

[Howj Begg]

Jesus Christ Superstar and motherfucking Godspell.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Gaylord

[Dex Sawash]

Jesus is just alright

[PlanktonSideburns]

Shit the BUS!

[steve98]

Billy Connolly recalled one someone shouted after hurting themselves,

"JESUS SUFFERING FUCK!"

His wife says he  woke up recently, gigglin' like a drain with the word "Jihadiwaddi" (Teddy boy Jihadists) in his head...  "Now there are 3 Steps To Heaven, wap wap waaa..."

[Huxleys Babkins]

Christ's cock and balls
Jesus H Corbett
Jesus Christmas
Buggering Shit-Christs

[samadriel]

I think it was Richard Herring who used the phrase "to touch the cock of God" when talking about making an extraordinary achievement. Which I liked very much.

Always wondered if it was a desecration of an already existing line.

I imagine it comes from 'to touch the face of God', which one occasionally hears.  From a poem, apparently.

[Golden E. Pump]

Jesus H. Christ & The Seven Dwarves

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Porco dio!

Ozzy loyalist, are you?

[Howj Begg]

Jesus is just alright

Going too far this one. McGuinn and the boys plumbed new depths of disrespect and profanity

[TrenterPercenter]

"Jesus rape baby son-of-cunt" - cunt and the gang

[a duncandisorderly]

mothercocking fucksucker

(from paul kaye, that)

[Jittlebags]

Mary soapy titwank mother of God
God's rusty ringpiece

Them's mine.

[Black Ship]

I've taken to using "Holy Moses!" of occasion.

[magval]

Duke DeMondo wrote "Jesus Christ and hung Judas" on here recently and I've felt compelled to say that ever since.

Cracking phrase. Here's the credit due.

[Bazooka]

You gorgeous whore

Kiss my nob you idiot

[SpiderChrist]

Fuck a priest
Jesus H Corbett (for the oldies)
Jesus H Corbyn (for da kidz)