founding a TOC

[dr beat]

Start a yacht operating company instead, and run a fleet on which passengers could enjoy mature polished 80s grooves while travelling.

Company could be called Yacht-Oc.

Edit: New Thread, new groooooove.

[mothman]

Company could be called Yacht-Oc.

Phimosis & Oates.

[popcorn]

Wrong

OK, since you seem to be having some trouble...

Table of Contents

[Johnny Yesno]

It's Train of Contents, you idiot.

[willpurry]

Make sure you hire some fit staff.

[zomgmouse]

OK, since you seem to be having some trouble...

Table of Contents

Terms or Conditions

[Johnny Yesno]

No, it isn't, you twat. Or cunt.

Just demonstrating the usage, there, btw. It's for when you're not sure if someone's a twat or a cunt. You're obviously a NTNC.

[Captain Z]

TOC actually stands for Trequently Osked Cuestions.

[buzby]

Well, there's a load of Pacers that Porterbrook currently don't have takers for. That would get you started.

[kittens]

o.k. i'll have them pacers. i have trademarked the name Bristol Fast Trains Company. i notice no other TOCs make any claims about the speed of their trains. the customer will be assured that on a BFTC train they will arrive at their destination as fast as possible - that is our customer promise.


does anybody have any experience getting their newly founded TOC membership of ATOC? should i just show up at one of their conferences? a guerilla TOC. making big waves.

[Ferris]

does anybody have any experience getting their newly founded TOC membership of ATOC? should i just show up at one of their conferences? a guerilla TOC. making big waves.

You go to the main office and just say "Brian said it was alright", then add your name on the register when no one is looking.

Typically you (or another member of the co-op) has a cousin that went to school with a rival TOC executive/employee, so you can always throw that connection around if the main office staff get suspicious.

[Johnny Yesno]

the customer will be assured that on a BFTC train they will arrive at their destination as fast as possible - that is our customer promise.

Whoa! Hold your horses. 'As fast as possible'? That's a bit ambitious for a new TOC. Or even an existing TOC. No, unless you can rely on being able to make excuses for your inevitable failures by comparing BFTC timekeeping to the sector average*, your customer promise should be that a customer on a BTFC train will arrive at their destination as soon as BTFC can get them there.


*_{As the new kid on the block, there is no way you will be able to get the assistance of the existing cartel in this regard unless you can get the cousin that FerriswheelBueller mentioned to remove some of the black balls}

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Whoa! Hold your horses. 'As fast as possible'? That's a bit ambitious for a new TOC. Or even an existing TOC. No, unless you can rely on being able to make excuses for your inevitable failures by comparing BFTC timekeeping to the sector average*, your customer promise should be that a customer on a BTFC train will arrive at their destination as soon as BTFC can get them there.


*_{As the new kid on the block, there is no way you will be able to get the assistance of the existing cartel in this regard unless you can get the cousin that FerriswheelBueller mentioned to remove some of the black balls}

No, because what you're overlooking is that kittens' trains will be really really fast and always on time, thereby negating the need for any excuses.

[Cold Meat Platter]

It might be better to start with cabs first, then work your way up to trains via buses. Get your eye in a bit first.

[kittens]

It might be better to start with cabs first, then work your way up to trains via buses. Get your eye in a bit first.

i can't drive but i have a bike, could we use that? although it's busted and won't leave first gear now. i can give people slow but ferociously peddled backies up and down my street. bit of a step down from a TOC but even richard bransons had to start somewhere. he now has two TOCs.

[kittens]

No, because what you're overlooking is that kittens' trains will be really really fast and always on time, thereby negating the need for any excuses.

i appoint you head of PR. of course this will be an unpaid position to begin with but you will be gaining valuable experience in an exciting industry where the only way is up. do you know how to ride a bike or will i need to teach you?

[Cold Meat Platter]

i can't drive but i have a bike, could we use that? although it's busted and won't leave first gear now. i can give people slow but ferociously peddled backies up and down my street. bit of a step down from a TOC but even richard bransons had to start somewhere. he now has two TOCs.

Yes. I think starting small and slowly but surely increasing the size of the vehicles you operate is key. I would stake my life on it.

[bgmnts]

How will the trains go? Coal?

[kittens]

however it is that trains normally go. it is not for me to worry about such insignificant details- that is what i employ people like you for. would you like to be 'man in charge of having them go (the trains)'?

[king_tubby]

Could you TWOC a TOC?

[kittens]

angrew, need my PR man here immediately

[bgmnts]

however it is that trains normally go. it is not for me to worry about such insignificant details- that is what i employ people like you for. would you like to be 'man in charge of having them go (the trains)'?

Yes please.

[Johnny Yesno]

No, because what you're overlooking is that kittens' trains will be really really fast and always on time, thereby negating the need for any excuses.

Jeez! That sounds like a right hassle. He might have to employ enough people to do the thing his TOC will be in charge of, whatever that is. Are you sure that's what kittens wants?

[mothman]

You'll need these.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

i appoint you head of PR. of course this will be an unpaid position to begin with but you will be gaining valuable experience in an exciting industry where the only way is up. do you know how to ride a bike or will i need to teach you?

Cheers kittens but I unfortunately cannot take this very generous offer. I'll be quite busy with my own public transport company.

See trains are neat and that but my real passion is trams because trams objectively make any city better, plus they have them in Europe so it's all chic and continenal plus incredibly non-racist post Brexit. So I'm starting my own tram company called Trams Like Us unless I can think of a better name.

My first thing to do will be putting them in Cambridge (still waiting for the pneumatic drills to arrive in the post so that I can smash the roads up to put the tracks in) followed soon after by every town in the country. Then I will construct underwater trams to France and Norway and Kent - this should be the easiest phase because trams run on electricity and water is very good at conducting it so it all should run by itself.

[Johnny Yesno]

That's so old fashioned, granddad. My company will operate hovertrams across the Channel.

[kittens]

angrew you will live to regret this

[kittens]

BFTC also stands for Bristol Fast Trams Company

[pancreas]

How fast do you foresee your trains going? In mph ideally.

What about the trams?

[Inspector Norse]

What's the difference between driving a train and a tram? Only I have a friend who's a train driver and he says it's a piece of piss, you just press the "stop" and "go" buttons at the right times, and I expect that being a tram driver is similar but because the stops are closer together* you have to press the buttons a lot more often, so presumably a tram driver gets paid about five times as much because they're doing five times the amount of work, so tram companies must spend a hell of a lot more on wages.

*for example compare the distance between Exchange Quay and Pomona on the Manchester trams with the distance between Poznan and Wroclaw on a train in Poland. It must be quite far.