Amsterdam

[Calistan]

Booked a last-minute flight to Amsterdam, what the heck do I do there? Never been; however I have been to Nijmegen and Breda and enjoyed them without doing anything remotely touristy.

Will be using Shoulders' excellent blog to identify bars and we've booked the Van Gogh museum as well as a canal tour. Had planned to buy some smoke and a prostitute and bring them to Anne Frank's gaff but tickets for the latter are sold out for fucks sake.

[Danger Man]

Booked a last-minute flight to Amsterdam, what the heck do I do there?

Take drugs and have sex with prostitutes.

[mothman]

Visit the Rijksmuseum towards the end of the day, it can be quieter then and you can admire The Night Watch in relative peace.

[Pingers]

Don't try and rob a priceless painting off some gangsters with your crazy Russian mate. That will go horribly wrong.

[Inspector Norse]

Sing of the dreams that you bring from the wide open sea
Sleep while the riverbank weeps to the old willow tree
Die full of beer, full of cries in a drunken town fight
Be born on a hot muggy morn by the dawn's early light
Eat only fish heads and tails and show off your teeth that have rotted too soon, that can haul up the sails, that can swallow the moon

[Inspector Norse]

Also go to some museums.

[Alberon]

Go to the Anne Frank museum, dressed as either Adolf Hitler or Anne Frank or both.

[Better Midlands]

I've lived in Amsterdam for 10 years, the best thing is to head towards the 9 Streets area which is to the right of the station/Dam Square and just get lost for the day.

Never done it myself, but the locals would say cheesy as it is you should take a canal cruise and see it from the water.

[Cuntbeaks]

Get stoned and visit a Febo.

Hot vending scran for the munchied.

[Crisps?]

Check out the Rijksmuseum at the airport before your connecting flight to somewhere good.

[Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle]

Melkweg is a good club if you're into house and techno.  Nice sound system.

[Paul Calf]

FEBO is a guilty pleasure of mine. Kaaskroket for beginners, kalfsvleeskroket when you've levelled up, or when you're so pissed or stoned that you've thrown caution to the wind. Maoz in Muntplein if you don't mind trekking a bit for huge piles of well-priced veggie falafels.

[Paul Calf]

But Amsterdam is a brilliant city for just wandering. If you try to over-schedule it, you'll miss the best bits. Everywhere within walking distance of Dam is safe. Taxis are shit and a deregulated cowboy nightmare so avoid them if you can.

[Blue Jam]

Go to the Anne Frank museum, dressed as Justin Bieber.

[Blue Jam]

I'd go to the Vrolik, but that's just me:

https://www.amc.nl/web/museum-vrolik.htm

Don't click if, unlike me, you don't like to look at dead things in jars of formaldehyde.

[St_Eddie]

If you're anything like me when I went to Amsterdam, then you'll take an obscene amount of magic mushrooms and proceed to spend several hours walking in circles throughout the City centre, freaking out, thinking that you're a ghost and debating with your friend as to whether you should knock on a stranger's door and ask if they'd mind if you come in and relax.

[Pingers]

If you're anything like me when I went to Amsterdam, then you'll take an obscene amount of magic mushrooms and proceed to spend several hours walking in circles throughout the City centre, freaking out, thinking that you're a ghost and debating with your friend as to whether you should knock on a stranger's door and ask if they'd mind if you come in and relax.

And did they mind?

[Small Man Big Horse]

Dump an old corpse in a canal with a note pinned on it saying "This is the man I killed, love CJ from Eggheads".

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

In the early 90s I saw Bill Kazmaier, three-time World's Strongest Man winner, in a bar in Amsterdam and got his autograph on an Amstel beer mat. That probably won't be an option for you though.

[Calistan]

I'd go to the Vrolik, but that's just me:

https://www.amc.nl/web/museum-vrolik.htm

Don't click if, unlike me, you don't like to look at dead things in jars of formaldehyde.

Oh yes that's somewhere we are definitely going to go, looks brilliant. Actually, it might be the first place we visit since it's closed at weekends.

Cheers for the tips. A couple of people have recommended the sex museum but I don't think I'm arsed at all. I would like to see something Herman Brood related but can't find much so will make do with mournfully looking at the Hilton hotel or something.

Not sure we'll go to any of the cafes for smoke or whathaveyou, my girlfriend has never done it and I don't want to run the risk of her panicking and/or whiteying. Also, I don't want to run the risk of me panicking and/or whiteying.

[Buelligan]

See this



if you like paint and how she is done.

Or go to my brother's friend's house and get out of your fucking mind.

[St_Eddie]

And did they mind?

Thankfully, we never did knock on the stranger's door (we had picked a house out and everything).  Once we came down off the mushrooms, we realised just how insane of an idea it was.  It had seemed like a perfectly legit option in the moment.

[Captain Z]

I've visited Amsterdam many times and for me you can't beat going to the Anne Frank museum dressed as Ruud Gullit.

[Blue Jam]

Oh yes that's somewhere we are definitely going to go, looks brilliant. Actually, it might be the first place we visit since it's closed at weekends.

I have wanted to visit ever since I read this book, which was recommended to me by my MSc lab project supervisor and led me to conclude that he knows me too well:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mutants-Genetic-Variety-Human-Body/dp/0142004820

Please do report back, I haven't been to the 'Dam for ages and haven't had an excuse to go and take a detour to look at freaky dead things.

I will however be going back to Berlin soon and staying in a hotel near this place, and I will be making a second visit:

https://www.bmm-charite.de/en/index.html

[Funcrusher]

Go to the Anne Frank Museum dressed as David Irving

[imitationleather]

Go to the Sexmuseum dressed as Anne Frank.

[Inspector Norse]

Go to the Frank Rijkaard Museum dressed as Rudi Völler.

[imitationleather]

Go to The Hague dressed as Black Pete.

[poo]

Go to the Red Light District dressed as William Hague

[idunnosomename]

Go to Tony Blair dressed as the Anne Frank Museum