If your partner had limited earning power...

[canadagoose]

...would it bother you? I mean, it doesn't bother me. But I'm wondering how much it might put you off. Say someone you liked had a chronic illness or two, or a few disabilities, and although they're doing OK now, they might not always be able to. How do you feel about dat?! </Westwood> Would you have to like that person quite a lot in order to get past that? I get the feeling it's not always discussed too much, because it's a sensitive subject. Might mean that replies to this are limited, but hey, I can live with that.

edit: Yes, this may pertain to me, if you're wondering.

[mothman]

I was unemployed for significant parts of the six months before and the two years after we got married. MrsMoth sometimes got fed up of it, if she thought I wasn't trying hard enough to get a job, but it was fine. She was The I e who told me I had to quit the job I had when we met because the stress was making me ill.

[Danger Man]

[tag]times I'm glad my wife doesn't post on here[/tag]

[phes]

One of the advantages of solo poly/relationship anarchy (urrrgh, I knowww) is that a partner doesn't need to be everything to you, and vice versa. It has been an absolute revelation in that respect, being far more able to allow others to be themselves in the knowledge that if they don't meet a need you can look to have it met elswhere

[imitationleather]

solo poly

Forgive me, but what is that?

[Zetetic]

It's a slur used of unmarried parrots, and I'm disappointed to see it on CaB.

[Zetetic]

...would it bother you?

No.

I think the bigger problem, for me and my partner, is the issue of dependency from their perspective and the interaction of this with our decade-long inability to work out where to live and what they want to spend their time doing (whether or not it earns them any money).

[Sebastian Cobb]

The wage thing wouldn't bother me, but in the scenario you describe I reckon I'd be seriously considering the likelihood that someone with multiple health issues becomes reliant on care provided by me, an idiot, and how much of a burden that could be.

[phes]

Forgive me, but what is that?

Basically polyamory for someone who doesn't wish to enmesh the nuts and bolts of their life with another/s. Maintaining autonomy in moreorless every aspect of your life

[Danger Man]

Forgive me, but what is that?

I think they used to call it Friends with benefits.

[Dr Rock]

Say someone you liked had a chronic illness or two, or a few disabilities, and although they're doing OK now, they might not always be able to. How do you feel about dat?! </Westwood> Would you have to like that person quite a lot in order to get past that?

Me 'Oh dear wife o'mine, it seems I may have permanent nerve damage and disability here. I hope you took that bit about 'in sickness and in health seriously heh'

Wife 'Get out of my house before I call the police'

True story, police and all.

[Icehaven]

Doesn't/wouldn't bother me remotely. I'm not a money minded person and I'd never get into a situation where I was dependent on someone else's income anyway so it's not something I've ever considered a factor when thinking about partners etc. In the time we've been together Mr. H has had varying levels of employment and I couldn't care less if he never has a pot to piss in, he can piss in my pot or we'll just piss on the floor together.

But, I can understand how, if a couple have set their life up to depend on a certain income, it's going to be an issue if that suddenly can't be maintained (particularly if there's kids involved too, and even more so if that means one partner has either stopped earning completely or massively reduced their income to have/raise them.)

I suppose if you want certain things in life that cost money then it's inevitably going to matter more than if you don't, and I don't, so it doesn't.

[phes]

Forgive me, but what is that?

I think they used to call it Friends with benefits.

This is one of the disadvantages. Pretty much every monogamous person you meet will patronise, dismiss or be outright hostile to you with respect to your choice. Most commonly with dumb shit like this exact sentence

[thecuriousorange]

I earn below the national average and have a health problem so it's not like I can get on my high horse. Or any horse.

[bgmnts]

I struggle to get and keep jobs which severely limits my ability to find a partner. I reckon it is VERY rare to find someone who doesn't care about their partner having a job.

[bgmnts]

he can piss in my pot.

Never done any of that stuff.

[New folder]

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I do have trouble comprehending people who choose money over a loved one, or even a friend in need. A better life for a human being in a difficult situation is surely more precious than pieces of paper.

[Johnny Yesno]

Me 'Oh dear wife o'mine, it seems I may have permanent nerve damage and disability here. I hope you took that bit about 'in sickness and in health seriously heh'

Wife 'Get out of my house before I call the police'

True story, police and all.

Bloody hell, that's harsh. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, Doc. I'm impressed the experience didn't turn you into a cynic.

[Danger Man]

Me 'Oh dear wife o'mine, it seems I may have permanent nerve damage and disability here. I hope you took that bit about 'in sickness and in health seriously heh'

Wife 'Get out of my house before I call the police'

True story, police and all.

We're all 'friends with benefits', we just don't know it yet.

[Buelligan]

I agree completely (and predictably) about not giving a sweet fuck about the money.  Not at all.  I do care however about perfectly healthy people who sit on their arses whilst you go to work and then expect tea on a tray and you to stump up for an xbox.  If I want children, I'll have children.  I have met people like this.  And I now own a trebuchet.

On the long term illness thing, fuck me, my soul's twin, my brother, has MS (quite advanced).  I know, eventually, I'm going to be wanting to be the person supporting him.  Obviously, I wish with every fucking cell I have that he wasn't ill but he is and being by his side, giving him my strength, will be an honour and a privilege.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Some interesting points being made, and debate being provoked,  here.
My question is is it worth starting a thread with the title " If your partner had limited gurning  power ..'

[Johnny Yesno]

If I want children, I'll have children.  I have met people like this.  And I now own a trebuchet.

There must be a better way to deliver them.

[purlieu]

My missus has a chronic illness. We live quite far from each other, but at some point we'll want to move in together, meaning I'll have to provide all the income. Given that I don't have much in the way of career prospects, we may well be poor for most of our lives. It's difficult, sometimes quite scary, and more than once she's actually suggested I break up with her so I'm not burdened with all that shit, but I love her so I wouldn't leave her. What's the point in loving someone if you leave because it becomes an inconvenience?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Or it could be one about your partner having limited burning power ( they could be really ineffectual at posting come- back insults on the internet ).

[Twed]

A lot of seriously mentally ill people are called lazy and "perfectly healthy" by people who can only view the world in terms of themselves. I help somebody who is physically healthy and can't work and cries a lot about being called lazy, and they are constantly trying to get out of the situation that they are in. I've never met somebody that a parody of a working class northerner might called "bone-idle" who wasn't trying, it's just that sometimes they can't do the things that are possible for you.

[Buelligan]

Yeh?  Well you're lucky cos I've met several.  You've heard of con artists?  Well that's when they turn professional and they're a real thing that exists.

ETA I think people who are too ill to pick up their own pants or cook their own tea but are well enough to play World of Warcraft til four in the morning and then tut when you get up at six to go skivvying again.  Who hold grudges when you won't buy them a nice car, leave the washing up piled in the sink and eat all the biscuits, don't need a doctor, they need to live with their mums.  And that is why I release any I find back into the wild, to run free and rejoin their people.

[Twed]

ETA I think people who are too ill to pick up their own pants or cook their own tea but are well enough to play World of Warcraft til four in the morning and then tut when you get up at six to go skivvying again.

This sounds like a reframing of the right-wing "they claim benefits but they buy personal luxuries" argument.

A lot of people with severe depression have an incredible amount of energy for the one thing they can do comfortably. I've seen these people improve with help.  I have not met a con-artist who leeches off other people.

[Buelligan]

This sounds like a reframing of the right-wing "they claim benefits but they buy personal luxuries" argument.

Does it?

[Dr Rock]

Bloody hell, that's harsh. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, Doc. I'm impressed the experience didn't turn you into a cynic.

I didn't want to be a burden and things were going tits up anyway. For the best. Although I could've done without the police trying to arrest me for trespass in my own home. Luckily I had a solicitor I'd met an hour previously on the speaker-phone telling them it would be unlawful arrest.

[Emma Raducanu]

My partner has much higher earning power than me. Double what I'm on and I earn well. Yet I pay for the shopping every week which includes all her little luxuries. I also pay every time we eat/go out. She lets me touch her bum though so it's fine.