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Never Getting Married

Started by Lisa Jesusandmarychain, June 18, 2019, 09:34:59 AM

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Sherringford Hovis

Quote from: TrenterPercenter on June 20, 2019, 09:46:19 AM
a shit disco

Is one even legally married if one hasn't suffered distant relatives and the partners of your spouses' workmates making utter twats of themselves to Stevie Wonder?

Ferris

I'm happily married, although it changed essentially zero for us day to day. I have a wedding ring, and we have a group photo on our living room wall (in the corner, the other side of the bookshelves). No names changed, no weird "obeying" oaths, nothing we were uncomfortable with.

Just a nice day where we had all our loved ones from across the globe (and we are a disparate bunch) gathered in one place, and we got smashed drunk and mucked around with the playlists on very loud speakers. Didn't cost the earth either.

My friend's dad (who came along actually) has a saying - "if you don't gather people for weddings, you'll only see them gathered for funerals" and that's basically true. It was an excuse to have a massive party. It was the catalyst for 3 other weddings (and counting!) cos we had so much fun, and the aftermath spawned one small child (who is lovely).

It's great, basically. I understand people are down on this type of thing (I was, for a time), but it is whatever you make of it. We just made it fun.

bgmnts

Quote from: TrenterPercenter on June 20, 2019, 09:46:19 AM
OK marriage rant incoming...

There are simple too many problems with marriage in order for me to ever consider it for any romantic reason. legal i.e. a bringing a child into the world perhaps has some merit (though this really is a separate issue between citizens and state)

I have no problems whatsoever with people getting married, for the lolz, however I do have problems with people that are "pro-marriage".  You know, the type of people that actively look down of others and seemingly enjoy buying into what is actually quite a horrid a institution when you think about it logically.  Of course saying that upsets people as they think because marriage is riddled with oppressive and illogical aspects  that somehow this means their marriage is bad; It's a bit like arguing with a born again christian telling you "but god IS love" when you don't recognise that god exists in the first place, yes i'm sure your "marriage" is great.

Of course mainly it is highly oppressive to women, although as with a lot of coercive institutions based on social manipulation it is the oppressed group that often become the biggest advocates for their continued oppression.  I mean it's an incredibly harmful and disgusting trope that an unmarried women is a failure (much more than men) which glides effortlessly from shit media and out of the mouths of people that would consider themselves "nice" people.  Why are they a failure? Oh because they haven't been selected by a man silly, because men are still tasked with choosing proposing to women.  In reality this socio-cultural norm actually impacts women's mental health and is a fucking disgrace.

Ah but women can keep their surnames and not have announce to everyone how you are going to obey your new fella, so it is all fine, now wrap yourself up in virginal whites an get given away by another man.  Of course this is changing too I love the little adaptations people make in order to make it less of complete moral dumpster fire "we decided I wasn't going to wear white" or "I decided I was going to, you know, speak at my own wedding".  So radical, yet so ultimately compliant and revisionist. 

It's a bit like getting your firing squad to wear boutonneires or interior decorating Auschwitz rather than simply remembering the atrocities that occurred there, all cosmetic bullshittery.

Added to its horrendous historical and contingent misogyny it is also an affront to all logic; So marriage good right? So how about I just get married to 10 people then, 10x the marriage goodness? Oh that is not good? I should only marry one person you say, as it is meant to just be one person that you will be with forever, and I need to make that decision now, and tell everyone so that it is official, oh and there will be consequences socially, financially and legally if you want to not be married anymore. 

Fucking stupid.  Of course it isn't stupid if you were a local parish tasked with the social control of your peasants or a rich person trading wives for access to finance and commerce but from a "love" perspective it is completely fucking bonkers, on the spiritual and biological level.  If you are the type of person that welcomes the need for the scorn of a fake god, the worry of disapproval from family and friends and a financial penalty; in order for you either not be cunt, stop someone leaving you because you are a cunt or worse stay with a cunt yourself then you might consider that this relationship wasn't the best idea in the first place..."but I didn't realise I was a cunt/they were cunt at that point.....yes Sherlock that is the point people aren't cars you don't have to organise a down payment and buy them contractually in order to be with them (not anymore!), in fact dare I go so far to say that you shouldn't.

From the aliens view it would seem as if humans can't be trusted to be with someone and not be a cunt so they came up with a solution with all the security-rigour of a government internet porn filter.  I suppose in the tradition of smitey gods marriage can pave the way for vengeance "Love is.....knowing that if your partner shags your sister/brother you can take half his/her shit and fuck them up".  Thankfully in a world where women are rapidly gaining more and more autonomy and equality we can hope they won't turn to trashy prenups themselves but realise the stupidity of it all.

Anyway it is stupid, it doesn't make you happier, better citizens (unless you enjoy forelock tugging to the state) or anything more secure/real - i'll give you the day out and photos, but it is cheaper to go somewhere amazing on holiday (and they'll likely be a shit disco there too so don't worry!)

This might seem overly harsh but as someone that has been happily in a relationship for 14 years, one that has long lasted many others marriage and for all intents and purposes is at least as happy and fulfilling as anyone I know.  It is just you get tired of having to remind people that how you choose to live your life is the square root of fuck all to do with them and their batty ideas about paying a modern day wizard to sell you something you already have

u ok hun?

hummingofevil

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on June 18, 2019, 09:34:59 AM
I've noticed that a few people on here tend, when the moment is relevant, to mention their spouses, whether they be real (like, say, Alberon's) or pretend (like, say, Danger Man's ), and then it occurs to me that I'm never, ever getting married, ever. This is something I've adjusted to over time, although occasionally I'm prone to think "Looks like I'm not getting married, then. Birrova shame, that."
Is there anyone else on here who's never getting married? How do they feel about that?

Been with my girlfriend for 15 years and engaged for 4. If we ever do get married it will be a loveless affair that is for tax purposes. We missed the boat with fun weddings and now all her mates have kids and the thought of having a big do with a load of kids running around just depresses me. It really doesn't bother either of us.

In a weird coincidence / evidence we were brought up properly I have a core group of 5 friends (me, 3 men and 1 woman) and the other 4 are all married and no of them have taken the men's names - bravo. If I ever have kids I am changing my name as a portmanteau that the kids will have, but that is only because my new legal name will be John Cage and that is cool as fuck.

(actually it would be Jon Cage and as a Jonathan I am more offended by "John" as I hate that spelling but "Jon Cage" would be fine).

Icehaven

I went to an engagement party on Friday night and halfway through, sitting on an uncomfortable chair at a formica table with a £5 glass of wine and a paper plate of chicken nuggets and cheese and pineapple sticks, reduced to watching parents dancing and kids playing with balloons because I was unable to hear the conversations around me due to the strains of 'All Night Long' being so loud, it occurred to me that this was exactly what the 'shit disco' on the big day was going to be like. The groom is an ex-colleague I rarely even see anymore, so I'm guessing if I'm invited to the wedding at all it'll be evening do only, and that'll basically be a rerun of Friday, so we have that to look forward to. One high point was the bossy, self important father-of-the-bride making a self-aggrandising speech that went down like a fart in a lift, so if I do go end up at the actual wedding I'm taking popcorn for the after dinner speeches.

TrenterPercenter

Quote from: bgmnts on June 23, 2019, 03:21:06 AM
u ok hun?

I ain't your hunny bun, sister.

What Ferris said is correct it is a nice day out and can be fun (like the point about the funeral).  It's a party, parties can be good, it's just all the wedding bollocks that I am agin....it is really a bad thing if you think about it in any balanced way.  That idea that women are a failure without getting married didn't just appear over night it has been slowly socially created and it is fucking abysmal.

Dr Rock

Simply recreate the experience of being married without the expense by going to Ikea and arguing with a stranger.

Ferris

Ferris Jr has a double barrel surname, with mine first solely for alphabetical/aesthetic reasons and Mrs Ferris' 2nd because she's a second class citizen in my eyes her surname is a semi-common North American first name and it would confuse people.

Emma Raducanu

I just didn't got married today!

zomgmouse