Toast

[Twed]

Baby Belling[...]
A fireball

18 years later and this incident is still causing chaos. I don't know why or how it happened, but I managed to highlight the words "Baby Belling", right click, accidentally select "Print..." and then somebody automatically clicked though "Okay" to print the word "Baby Belling" in tiny text on a fresh sheet of paper on a shared office printer two buildings away.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I bet they don't even have tiny poverty ovens like that in America do they? You'll cause apoplexy!

[a duncandisorderly]

The day I was divested of my virginity, I was also expecting a visit from a Council electrician. My home was a bit of a tip, though not as a result of any acrobatic acitivities. I started shoving various bits of clutter in every nook and cranny - of my home; Gabi had left by this time - in an attempt to not bring about yet another health and safety inspection. The woman who'd been assisting with the earlier fiasco had left her lighter behind, and I shoved this into my Baby Belling cooker with a few other bits and bobs. The electrician - I nearly said sparky then, like some kind of relaxed and affable person - still hadn't turned up quite late in the afternoon and I was feeling peckish. I decided to make some toast. The Baby Belling cooker is one that has its grill on the inside of the oven area. So there's me standing in front of the cooker, waiting for the toast, with a posture reminiscent of Lieutenant Castillo of Miami Vice, hands in pockets, considering other matters. Then, there's me, falling back and yelping like a chiuauauaua as a fireball appears the size of a medicine ball above the open door of the Baby Belling Cooker. I felt for burns instinctively and found my eyebrows and sideburns had turned to a Shredded Wheat-like texture.

The first five to eight times I told this story it seemed kind of amusing, but after eighteen years it's lost its sparkle for me, though I have occasionally panicked and begun it again during an embarrassing silence while out. "Look at that rain," people say.

A fireball is quite impressive up close though - if my ex had left a less empty lighter behind I might have burned to death but I wouldn't be without that experience, for the sight of a fireball up close.

The fireball, seen up close, made up for the bedroom antics, to be honest - a genitally undersized man pairing with a voluptuous-figured woman on a very soft mattress was never going to work. Looking at it now both the day's events seem a deliberated, orchestrated product of self-loathing, though less so than my perception of this now.

The toast was a write-off as well.

I'm lost. missed the episode opener- who were you shagging? the ex, yes? or gabi or the H&S inspector? the ex left her lighter behind, & you were hiding it from gabi or the H&S?

but ffs who hides things in a cooker? great story.

[Twed]

I bet they don't even have tiny poverty ovens like that in America do they? You'll cause apoplexy!

I don't know how many times I have to say "toaster oven" in this thread.

I don't know what a Baby Belling actually is because I'm not Northern.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Imagine a soviet toaster oven with a hot plate glued to the top. That's a baby belling/.

[shiftwork2]

How can we have three pages without it?  What I'd give for a meal on there.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

18 years later and this incident is still causing chaos. I don't know why or how it happened, but I managed to highlight the words "Baby Belling", right click, accidentally select "Print..." and then somebody automatically clicked though "Okay" to print the word "Baby Belling" in tiny text on a fresh sheet of paper on a shared office printer two buildings away.

Just be thankful it wasn't "Baby Bellend".

[Twed]

It may as well be me dressed up as a pearly king singing a song where every lyric is "cor blimey". Thanks Unnecessary Biscuits, you've actually reinstated my virginity through extreme embarrassment brought on from being culturally conspicuous.

[Cerys]

Hmm. How can I make my current toaster stop working so I can justify getting one to MrsMoth?

Take the fuse out of the plug.

[Fry]

Once I got an entire baguette, toasted it, slathered it in lurpak and jam and scoffed the entire thing. It was the best day of my entire fucking life.

[imitationleather]

Hmm... Reading the latest posts in this thread has got me sorely tempted to wake my missus up and tell her that if we don't get a Dualit six slicer I'm going back on the gear.

[Ronalado]

o forno SMEG is still for sell? please how much send to torino?

(+39) 011.45.44.09

[mothman]

Take the fuse out of the plug.

I'd prefer something epic, like that time my flat mate used my toaster and it reached some sort of Morphy Richards critical mass and melted. Unfortunately I was going out with the future MrsMoth so she'd remember that.

[Cerys]

Tell her you've found a dead, crispy mouse in it.

Edit - depending on your wife's gullibility, this may necessitate producing a dead, crispy mouse.

[Sebastian Cobb]

What's the best non toast things you've done in your toasters? I sometimes throw potato waffles in there for a quick chip butty.

[imitationleather]

Mine once stood in as a late replacement venue when the landlord of the pub we were originally holding our Make Spice Legal Again Action Group (MSLAAG) meeting cancelled on us.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

May as well use this thread as an excuse to make my semi-regular mention of Heinz Toast Toppers.

They were fucking delicious so they were, and you can't get them nowadays, which is a bit of a shame.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Also, someone should have linked to that song by Street Band (Featuring a young Paul Young, looking young ) by now.

[Bazooka]

I boil my toast's, much easier to swallow.

[gilbertharding]

Phwooar!

https://www.lakeland.co.uk/10724/2-Lakeland-Toastabags---Toasted-Sandwiches-In-A-Toaster

[imitationleather]

Phwooar!

https://www.lakeland.co.uk/10724/2-Lakeland-Toastabags---Toasted-Sandwiches-In-A-Toaster

Those things actually are not bad.

[Sebastian Cobb]

You can just do them in a skillet. Easier to clean than a bag.

[Chollis]

How the fuck you fitting a sandwich in a toaster? Mine can barely accept a slice

[Cuntbeaks]

May as well use this thread as an excuse to make my semi-regular mention of Heinz Toast Toppers.

They were fucking delicious so they were, and you can't get them nowadays, which is a bit of a shame.

Yes they were, a real povvo staple of mine  although very reminiscent of baby food, but with less salt. A few slices of Bacon Grill added to Unemployment Repast.

[Sebastian Cobb]

they looked like vomit

[Cuntbeaks]

they looked like vomit

Tasted like Foie Gras when you only had a tenner for a week's worth of scran.

[a duncandisorderly]

Also, someone should have linked to that song by Street Band (Featuring a young Paul Young, looking young ) by now.

fucking hell, this is poor.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJmKStqugMc

[Cerys]

May as well use this thread as an excuse to make my semi-regular mention of Heinz Toast Toppers.

They were fucking delicious so they were, and you can't get them nowadays, which is a bit of a shame.

Oh, hell yeah.  The mushroom ones were like a silken party of crunch in the mouth.  I want some right the fuck now, dammit!

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Oh, hell yeah.  The mushroom ones were like a silken party of crunch in the mouth.  I want some right the fuck now, dammit!

Just buy some mushrooms, cook and eat them, then stick two fingers down your throat and regurgitate them onto a slice of freshly buttered toast.

[Cerys]

Shan't.