Beekeeping

[madhair60]

There's a bee in my house, so thus far that is a total of one bee kept. Anyone else keep bees?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

u ok, hun?*




(*you know, like honey )
( The Woolf and Camp Bell Jesus And Mary Chain opt for more decisive song title. )

[Neville Chamberlain]

I've got a few dead ones on my window sill.

I also keep one in my bonnet.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I have a huge collection of pebbles-I keep them on beaches all over the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did certain members (indeed, of a certain vintage) of the forum like the nice little in-joke I put into mine already hilarious comment on the second post of this thread, btw?

[Brian Freeze]

We had a bit of sinkage in our path by the front door, so I drilled five drainage holes to prevent puddles.

We've now got bees living in the holes. Ive got a horrible suspicion that they will keep getting drowned in there.

[Norton Canes]

Ha ha apiary

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Ha ha apiary

# lover of the Russian Queen #

[Inspector Norse]

There's a bee in my house, so thus far that is a total of one bee kept. Anyone else keep bees?

Beekeepers do, I believe.

[Neville Chamberlain]

I have a huge collection of pebbles-I keep them on beaches all over the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did certain members (indeed, of a certain vintage) of the forum like the nice little in-joke I put into mine already hilarious comment on the second post of this thread, btw?

Yes, it was brilliant. Frankly, the world needs more Jesus and Mary Chain-based puns.

[imitationleather]

There's already a lot of buzz about this thread.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Q: What Shakespeare play is the best one about bees?
A: "To be(e) or not to be(e)!!!!

[Needs a lot of work. - ed.]

[gilbertharding]

There's a bee in my house, so thus far that is a total of one bee kept. Anyone else keep bees?

It reminded me of the story regarding Lord Mackay of Clashfern, the former Lord Chancellor drawn from the ranks of those unbending Scottish Presbyterians known as the "Wee Frees," and a firm believer in moderation. One evening he was reportedly hosting a gathering for the Faculty of Advocates in Edinburgh, during which the hungry lawyers were served microscopic pieces of toast with a minuscule pot of honey. Eventually, one wag could stay silent no longer: he stared at the tiny honey-pot, and observed: "I see your Lordship keeps a bee."

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

A question for CaB's "Hive mind" to consider.

[Buelligan]

Fuck 'em.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

I'm more of a wasp person.

[The Boston Crab]

Did a fair bit of this as a kid, one of the few things me and my dad ever bonded over. It's also one of the few presents I can ever remember him buying for me, a little beekeeping veil which he had made. It's mad thinking back now. We'd get our gloves on and a couple of layers, put on the suit and veil. One of the only times I really felt connected to him but maybe it was that I was too young to know yet what he was really like. We'd go out and we each had a smoker and we'd both be smoking the hive and when the bees were calmed and sleepy, we poured boiling water on them.

[gilbertharding]

Are you sure you and your dad weren't keeping ants?

[alan nagsworth]

I did it for a while until it suddenly dawned that the bees were keeping me. They got cocky with it though, I woke up one morning and found out they'd hollowed out my entire skull and were using it as a luxury conference suite. They'd set up a fucking three year contract with Pow Wow Now, got the phones installed, projectors, flipcharts, little pastry buffets and everything.

Obviously bees communicate through their hives via complex vibrations so 9am Monday morning I'm stirred from my sleep and all I can hear through my entire cranium - in the key of C of course - is a load of bees chatting about what time they're going to shag the queen and who's got the best waggle dance. I put a stop to that right away, let me tell you. Bees are fucking piss takers.

[bgmnts]

I would genuinely love to keep bees, just to make sure they're alright. I would even let them have their own own honey, means of production and all that.

[alan nagsworth]

Wiping a tear as you send your little bee kids off to bee school. "Here's your weekly pocket honey" you'd say with a laugh and a sniffle.

[Ray Travez]

I would genuinely love to keep bees, just to make sure they're alright. I would even let them have their own own honey, means of production and all that.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind keeping bees for that reason. Or housing them as a rent-free worker's co-operative. If I ever managed to settle in one place, with a garden, I'd do it.

[Icehaven]

So what is it that's supposedly so good about their knees?



They don't look that great, bit flimsy tbh.

[Jittlebags]

Get another couple of hundred, and you could get yourself a bee beard.

[MiddleRabbit]

I can never remember jokes, apart from the one about the beekeepers.

Three beekeepers are sitting in a pub, the first one says, "How many bees have you got?"
The second beekeeper says, "I've got 1000 bees."
"Oh yeah," says the first, "How many hives do you have?"
"Two." The second chap replies.
"Two, eh?" The first one says.
"How many bees have you got?" The second beekeeper asks the first.
"10,000" he replies.
"Oh. How many hives do you have?"
"Five."
"Oh, right." The second one says.
After a while, the first two look at the third beekeeper and ask, "How many bees do you have?"
"A million." He answers.
"A million?  Christ, how many hives do you have?" The first man asks him.
"One."
"One?!" The second beekeeper splutters.
"Yeah," the third beekeeper says, "Fuck 'em, they're only bees."

I don't know why I like it, but I do.

[alan nagsworth]

Get another couple of hundred, and you could get yourself a bee beard.

Why stop there? Bee afro! BEE PUBES.

[Jerzy Bondov]

what the hell is 'bee'

[Jittlebags]

Why stop there? Bee afro! BEE PUBES.

An Apiarist Merkin.

[gilbertharding]

I was stung by a bee once. £20 for a jar of honey.

Mind you, thinking about it... I doubt the bees had much to do with setting the retail price. On reflection, I think that was more to do with the (human) shopkeeper.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

An Apiarist Merkin.

the (human) shopkeeper.

Two band names for the taking right there.

[Howj Begg]

I was stung by a bee once. £20 for a jar of honey.

Mind you, thinking about it... I doubt the bees had much to do with setting the retail price. On reflection, I think that was more to do with the (human) shopkeeper.

Dunno about that. They can be very waspish. Only -ish, though, they are bees.