Small victories

[alan nagsworth]

Reaching in your bag for a small item and your hand meets it immediately. Oosh.

Waking up after hosting a gathering round your house and finding leftover beers in the fridge. Yoooo.

Getting a swift boot in on an unsuspecting pigeon. 'Ave summa that!

Going to give change to a homeless person but realising you only have notes. Homeless can't see in your wallet, no jingle of change, you can say you've got nowt but it still looks like you tried. Go on my son!

Crossing the road to reach your destination also coinciding with wanting to cross the road because a black was walking towards you. Result.

Ogling the living daylights out of a blind woman on the train. Victimless, mate! Top one nice one get sorted.

That sort of thing. You?

[Lordofthefiles]

USB stick... straight in mate. Straight fucking in.
*punches air*

[Sebastian Cobb]

What if I were to tell you I'd discovered a way of stimulating myself sexually without the need for a partner?

[bgmnts]

Saying mental shite on the internet with no fear of reprisal. Jurassic Park!

[DrGreggles]

Bought an 8 pack of wheat crunchies. Contents: 2 x Worcester sauce, 2 x smokey bacon, 2 x spicy tomato plus 2 of any those flavours. Both the 'plus 2' were Worcester sauce. SAUCY!

[kittens]

USB stick... straight in mate. Straight fucking in.
*punches air*

a good friend once gave me some great advice for this situation. he said 'holes up'. since that day, this has never been an issue. i'm hoping you didn't already know this and you're not just too lazy to look at the fucking USB before blindly shoving it into your computer.

[jobotic]

Yeah I think that he was on about the contents of his USB stick.

[Johan Cruyff]

What if I were to tell you I'd discovered a way of stimulating myself sexually without the need for a partner?

I cost you know

[shiftwork2]

No cars on the English motorway system last night.  I don't know if there was big group wank on and don't really care but it was great.  Latest sunset too.

[Lordofthefiles]

a good friend once gave me some great advice for this situation. he said 'holes up'. since that day, this has never been an issue. i'm hoping you didn't already know this and you're not just too lazy to look at the fucking USB before blindly shoving it into your computer.

"Holes up"?
"Holes" fucking "up"?

It goes in sideways, "holes left" or "holes right"?*



*thanks for the "holes up" advice though but.

[kittens]

well, o.k. sometimes they go in sideways. in that case, i reckon 'holes away from the bulk of the machine' should do it. unless it goes in sideways on the front, in which case you should determine which way is correct, then come up with your own mnemonic.

[kittens]

hmm

[Lordofthefiles]

well, o.k. sometimes they go in sideways. in that case, i reckon 'holes away from the bulk of the machine' should do it. unless it goes in sideways on the front, in which case you should determine which way is correct, then come up with your own mnemonic.

Now you're talking.

[non capisco]

Every time I get on a bus and the paypad is knackered so the bus driver just waves everyone one and you get a free journey. Every time that happens I feel like Leonardo DiCaprio must have felt when he finally won an Oscar for that film 'The Remnant' where he bums a bear.

It's not like when you've decided you really can't be arsed meeting up with someone and THEY cancel last minute, but it's close.

[imitationleather]

That feeling after the doc has inflated my angina-ridden arteries.

[hummingofevil]

Just went to Lidl with the very last of my money from the jar - £4.32 to my name. They were just filling the 70p "still fresh" box so I've got one of those big Lidl Deluxe two-portion paellas, a box of strawberries and 4 cans of lager for my Saturday night in. Winning!

Also, there is very little more satisfying than using a new black pepper grinder for the first time.

[shiftwork2]

It's not like when you've decided you really can't be arsed meeting up with someone and THEY cancel last minute, but it's close.

Ah this is just bliss, especially at work.  Immediately brain-filed under 'up to you to do the legwork now mate and I seem to be pretty busy but even though you have let me down to talk about your boring shite I will reply to your emails in a few weeks knowing you can't chase it'.  As I say, all manner of heaven.

[thenoise]

p
Ogling the living daylights out of a blind woman on the train. Victimless, mate! Top one nice one get sorted.

They train the guide dogs to #metoo oglers. You should be able to get away with pinching a paralysed's bum tho.