Monty Python at 50 - Official Press Release

[Jake Thingray]

Cleese added that in the UK Python at first had "passed almost unnoticed. Then at the beginning of the second series, a guy called Alan Carr, who was the editor of Punch

The toothy, campy stand-up and presenter of Chatty Man? Clearly Cleese actually said Coren. Even when discussing academic papers, the ghastly Idle manages to namedrop, and suck up to Americans.

[Revelator]

Coren isn't well known in the states, so it's likely the reporter misheard. On the other hand, Cleese is now 80 and memory does get wonky at that age.
I wouldn't mind rummaging through the Idle archive someday.

[Autopsy Turvey]

Even when discussing academic papers, the ghastly Idle manages to namedrop, and suck up to Americans.

Do Michael Palin, Terry Gilliam and John Cleese really count as 'namedropping' for Eric Idle?

[Tilt Araiza]

There's one thing they could have given us, and please ignore this fantasy if you find it dull and pointless - an eighth disc! Featuring the two German episodes

I read somewhere* that's because the German producer WDR won't licence them as mere extras and want them to get their own release (presumably because of money).

* maybe the Missing Episodes Forum where Paul Vanezis, who worked on the set, is moderator and frequent poster

[Jim Bob]

John Cleese once threw a drink at Alan Carr's face.  Just one of the many reasons why he's a national treasure.

[Revelator]

Also to be noted: Cleese threw the water not out of anger but to be naughty--as expected of Pythons on chat shows--and Carr was amused rather than upset.

[Jake Thingray]

Do Michael Palin, Terry Gilliam and John Cleese really count as 'namedropping' for Eric Idle?

I meant his mention of Carrie Fisher (to me she was only ever Debbie Reynolds' daughter), no doubt the "interesting people" mentioned are pointless Californians with silly hair.

[Jake Thingray]

Also to be noted: Cleese threw the water not out of anger but to be naughty--as expected of Pythons on chat shows

Up until around thirty years ago perhaps, but in Britain at least, it just seems pathetic at his age.

[Jim Bob]

Also to be noted: Cleese threw the water not out of anger but to be naughty--as expected of Pythons on chat shows--and Carr was amused rather than upset.

Yes but still, liquid made contact with Alan Carr's face and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

[Revelator]

I meant his mention of Carrie Fisher (to me she was only ever Debbie Reynolds' daughter)

And to many other people she was also an author of a well-regarded book, which is why Idle mentions having "postcards" from the author of Postcards from the Edge.

Up until around thirty years ago perhaps, but in Britain at least, it just seems pathetic at his age.

If only the British studio audience had gotten the same memo about Pythons having to stop being silly in old age.

Yes but still, liquid made contact with Alan Carr's face and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

Alan Carr is not the wicked witch of the west.

[Jim Bob]

Alan Carr is not the wicked witch of the west.

Aye, that's true.  After all, unlike the wicked witch of the west, he's a friend of Dorothy's.

[Chriddof]

If only the British studio audience had gotten the same memo about Pythons having to stop being silly in old age.

Something that I find really disheartening about Britain these days (amongst a billion other more obvious things) is the way everyone now is so against mischief of any kind. That Cleese thing ended with Carr dumping a full bottle of alcohol over him, to the audience fucking applauding. It felt nasty in a way that Cleese's "attack" didn't. Carr wouldn't have been fit to chuck wine over the late Michael Miles. It was like when people more recently got furious with ITV for allowing Martin Bashir to clown about on The X-Factor because "he wasn't doing it properly" or something.

[Revelator]

Here is a Christmas-themed, Python-related item for everyone, found in a back issue of Punch (Dec. 3, 1975). More is on the way, but for now I hope you enjoy this find.
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CHRISTMAS 1975—THE BEST TO YOU FROM BRITISH PUBLISHING

An exclusive survey by TERRY JONES and MICHAEL PALIN

FOR YOUR CHRISTMAS STOCKING

The Reader's Digest Book Of Christmas Stocking Books

Christmas Stockings 1923-1927 (covers the period of the first Labour administration and Baldwin's handling of the Unions over the coalminer's dispute)

What To Put In Your Christmas Stocking by Lin-Piao (a delightful little oddity—originally titled in China The People's Struggle)

Christmas Stockings Can Kill (A Home Doctor publication which warns of the danger that can result from filling a stocking with paraffin-stained rags, setting light to it, and throwing into a pile of sawdust and old newspapers in the kiddies' bedroom)

The Christmas Stocking Jokebook (Jokes from all over the Netherlands assembled in book form for the first time)

BOOKS OF THE YEAR

Survive! By Arthur Craffit
The unforgettable Story of a coach tour forced to stop in Gateshead after their fan-belt broke, and how they took the agonizing decision to eat the drover rather than waste money at a restaurant. Profusely illustrated.

It Shouldn't Happen To A Vent
By Ronnie Mackintosh and 'Sid'
Another of the best ·selling stories of the life and work of a Yorkshire vent (ventriloquist—ed.). By the author of Let Sleeping Vents Lie and If Only They Could Talk. In this book 'Sid' describes how he had to find another dummy after Ronnie Mackintosh caught fire in an Oldham night club.

The Marilyn I Knew By Eric Bennett
The disappointingly dull account of Mr. Bennett's relationship with Marilyn Coombes in the Addressograph Department. Do not be misled by the Foreword by Norman Mailer. It isn't the Norman Mailer. Nor is the Clark Gable in Domestic Appliances the Clark Gable.

Ten Years As Britain's Prime Minister—The Autobiography of Lars Gunnerson
This is fifth book by Lars Gunnerson, the Swedish liar. His previous successes have included I Painted The Sistine Chapel On A Monocycle, I Helped The Dalai Lama Escape From Hitler's Secret Mountain Laboratory (written in collaboration with the Beatles) and the forgettable I Flew The Atlantic Just Ahead Of Lindbergh.

Beppo—More Than A Friend...A Dog!
By Ron and Edna Balzac
A movingly-written account of how one man and fourteen women were befriended by a lovable mongrel, of the scrapes he got into, and the love he brought each one of them and of what he liked to eat.

FOR BOYS AND GIRLS OF ALL AGES

Socks Can Be Fun
One of the least successful of the Can Be Fun Series, although even the previous volumes—(Handkerchieves Can Be Fun, Men's Ties Can Be Fun, Men's Haberdashery Can Be Fun, Joining the Men's Haberdashery Involvement League Can Be Fun) were also not very interesting.

All You Need To Know About Sewage
The fascinating story of sewage, tracing its long and romantic journey from the homes of some of Britain's best loved showbiz personalities to its remote and mysterious breeding ground in the North Sea. "Man still does not know what urges the sewage of England to make for the North Sea. Perhaps one day we shall know the answer, but until that time all we can do is admire and wonder" (p.32).

The Boy's Book of Birth Trauma
Not a good book for the sensitive teenager. Why the publishers decided to go ahead with it is still something of a mystery in the publishing world. The drawings are crude and unimaginative and the text grossly indecent. Only the rather puckish references to menopausal stress save this volume from being totally nauseating.

THE YEAR'S BEST SELLERS

The Charles Forte Good Inspector Guide
An invaluable guide for hoteliers. Over 400 Good Food Guide Inspectors listed. Each inspector has a back. side and front view, and a silhouette diagram so you can see them coming up the path. Lots of handy end violent hints as to how to deal with the menace of these interfering busybodies.

JAWS! Around the World
Studies in periodontal dentistry from thirteen continents (a record in itself) presented with a picture of a shark on the cover. "At least we can't lose anything, we only had thirteen orders under the original title anyway"—Director, Associated Dental Books.
"There is a reference to a shark on page 507, so we're alright"—Legal adviser, Associated Dental Books.

The Oxford Book Of Page Numbers
Printed on hand-tooled antique finish velum, in 58pt. Baskerville, this beautifully produced book includes every single page number between 1 and 1000.

An Illustrated History Of The English Ball-Point
The fascinating story of the English Ball-Point in print so big a child can read it. Honestly, it takes no TIME AT ALL to pick this book up, scan it and put it down. Can be converted into
A History Of World Culture by reversing the dust-jacket.
"Could save the British publishing industry"—Rudolf Nureyev.

Is British Publishing Dying On Its Feet?
A searing look into the jungle of the publishing world. Fresh, abrasive articles by many of Fleet Street's leading columnists and writers living in Hampstead.
"If this doesn't save The Observer nothing can!"—Katharine Whitehorn.
"Just the sort of kick in the pants The Observer needs"—H. McIlvanney.
"At last, something The Observer can really comment on"—N. Beloff.

The Miracle Of The World We Live In
A lavishly-produced and beautifully illustrated study by many of the greatest names in world photography of the miracle that is British publishing. How does it still survive? Is it really in deep financial trouble? Can the trade increase its efficiency and improve on profit margins in the new year? These are some of the searching questions that this book attempts to set in a context of soft-focus photography. 16 Full Gravure plates.

Why The Publishing Trade Is Going To The Wall
A complete 1400 page guide to the members of the board of every publishing house in London, with full details of family background, eating fads, dogs or cats, hopes for the future etc, etc. (Limited Edition 94 gns.)

SOME OF THE EXCITING NEW TITLES TO TAKE BRITISH PUBLISHING TOWARDS THE 1980's

I-Spy Freezers Renee and Ken Bejam (Freezer Press £1 .09)

The Secret Life Of Fred Peart, Vol. 4. (H.M.S.O. 19 gns.)

I Was A Chartered Surveyor's Friend F. Roberts (Tidwell, Knocker, Marston, Thespey and Vine £0.2p)

How To Pick Up Waiters (BBC Publications £5.00)

Biggles and the EEC (Official Guide)

The Shell Guide To Dead Animals On The Motorway

Best Dutch Jokes, Vol. 6. (Tidwell, Knocker, Marston, Thespey and Vine. Free with every copy of I Was A Chartered Surveyor's Friend)

Bending Vicars By Hypnosis The Amazing Kargol

My Memoirs Alf Ramsey (Tidwell, Knocker, Marston, Thespey and Vine. Free with every copy of I Was A Chartered Surveyor's Friend and Best Dutch Jokes)

[the science eel]

Beautiful. Thanks.

[the]

Brilliant, cheers for sourcing that Revelator.

Bending Vicars By Hypnosis The Amazing Kargol

YES!

The Shell Guide To Dead Animals On The Motorway

That one came true with the 1987 humourous book Flattened Fauna.

My Python Blu-ray set arrived today. It's the first thing that's made me even think about purchasing a Blu-ray player, which I have now done. (I've owned an HD Ready TV for nearly 10 years and never watched anything above Standard Definition on it.) I think that says quite a bit about the magnitude of this release.

[the]

My Python Blu-ray set arrived today. It's the first thing that's made me even think about purchasing a Blu-ray player, which I have now done. (I've owned an HD Ready TV for nearly 10 years and never watched anything above Standard Definition on it.) I think that says quite a bit about the magnitude of this release.

Watched the first four episodes today - amazing.

Knowing that the series doesn't quite 'land' with the audience until some way into the first series, you don't really feel that anymore when watching it in this quality. The performances cut through so much more - the facial expressions, the quieter/obscured lines that you normally miss, they all leap out to you and make the written intention of the show crystal clear.

So glad that the muffled audio mix and jumping film edits of the animation are gone too, which were distracting enough to stifle the comedy (and sometimes completely obscured the central joke).

It's been really sensitively restored too, the captions still burn through authentically and there remains the reassuring presence of a little film grain.

Haven't even delved into the vast viewing notes yet. An astounding box set, am so grateful for it.

[Sexton Brackets Drugbust]

Watched the first four episodes today - amazing.

Knowing that the series doesn't quite 'land' with the audience until some way into the first series, you don't really feel that anymore when watching it in this quality. The performances cut through so much more - the facial expressions, the quieter/obscured lines that you normally miss, they all leap out to you and make the written intention of the show crystal clear.

So glad that the muffled audio mix and jumping film edits of the animation are gone too, which were distracting enough to stifle the comedy (and sometimes completely obscured the central joke).

It's been really sensitively restored too, the captions still burn through authentically and there remains the reassuring presence of a little film grain.

Haven't even delved into the vast viewing notes yet. An astounding box set, am so grateful for it.

Savour it all! I finished everything the other day and genuinely felt slightly bereft afterwards.

Whenever I do a Flying Circus watch, I always find series 4 quite a bittersweet experience - a combination of the loss of Cleese, its difficult production and its abrupt ending, when they were originally intending to produce seven more episodes leaves me feeling melancholic - but this was heightened by the restoration making everything feel fresh and new.

[the]

Savour it all! I finished everything the other day and genuinely felt slightly bereft afterwards.

Whenever I do a Flying Circus watch, I always find series 4 quite a bittersweet experience - a combination of the loss of Cleese, its difficult production and its abrupt ending, when they were originally intending to produce seven more episodes leaves me feeling melancholic - but this was heightened by the restoration making everything feel fresh and new.

I'm a big fan of the shift that happened in series 4, its awkwardness and its tendency toward appearing to be more conventional (whilst actually becoming even more erratic and freeform). I'm looking forward to those.

One of the most surprising sensations that comes from the restoration is that you do actually feel like you're either watching the original broadcast or that you're in the audience - the removal of that barrier of film & VT fug between you and the production/performances is quite astonishing.

[Jake Thingray]

Sorry to say that Nancy Lewis, an important, behind the scenes part of Python's success in America, died in New York on Friday. She was married to Simon Jones (partly accounting for his role in The Meaning of Life).

[Glebe]

Sorry to say that Nancy Lewis, an important, behind the scenes part of Python's success in America, died in New York on Friday. She was married to Simon Jones (partly accounting for his role in The Meaning of Life).

Sound's familiar, does she appear in Almost the Truth? RIP, in any case.

[McChesney Duntz]

She's in Almost the Truth, yes. Sad to hear of her passing - she was indeed instrumental in Python breaking in the States, and they never forgot that, to their eternal credit. RIP.

[Revelator]

Since Christmas is approaching, here's the second Palin/Jones Christmas article for Punch. The main article (it's rather long) is followed by two "adverts." Enjoy!

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Monty Python's Flying Christmas
Or: HOW TO MAKE CHRISTMAS MORE EFFICIENT (Punch, December 5, 1973)

The result of a special survey carried out by TERRY JONES and MICHAEL PALIN

Highly Confidential

The Haroun-al-Rashid Institute of  Business Efilee...Effiki...Efficiency
Imperial Trust Building.
Slough Trading Estate.
BUCKS. (not really a subsidiary of ITT)
Our ref: Mr. Burtenshaw(Leicester)
Your ref: Mr. K. D. Nesbill (Poole)
ANNUAL FESTIVALS FEASIBILITY SURVEY D1707 AB (Series 8)
WORK STUDY no. 8119K,
(Factor Evaluation Sequence D25/73.)
In All Correspondence Please Quote:
    LP/173908/D25/73FX14073619/Miss Phillips/299
   06168/at my office/HB (214A)/DS 1664K/tomorrow
   evening, 6:30/19VB/8734TR/1973/KB422869N3/ Brian.

Confidential Cybernetic Evaluation Project No. 8119: Christmas
(Noel/Yule/Yuletide/The Festive Season)

I. GENERAL INTRODUCTION:
In our survey (which, incidentally will cost £400 and not £40, as in our estimate), we have attempted (even £400 is pretty cheap for a survey these days) to analyse the factors (when we said £40 we meant it as a basic, you see), the role and the structure of (I mean when Julie...er ...Miss Phillips said she'd quoted 40 quid Keith and Haroun nearly hit the roof!) the Christmas situation and to investigate the cost effectiveness (Haroun piled up his MGB that night, he was so mad. He said I'd have to prepare a realistic estimate by Monday or he'd stitch my knees together) of this wonderful festive occasion (sorry, but you know how it is) and suggest ways in which the efficiency of Christmas can be improved (if you'd seen what a mess he made of Mr. Venables).

2. THE PURPOSES OF CHRISTMAS:
Definitive Terminological description                                   Behavioural description
i) Maximisation or Internal Nutrient Intake Factor (M)                Stuffing yourself in the morning.
ii) Maximisation of Internal Nutrient Intake (A)                           Stuffing yourself in the afternoon.
iii) Maximisation of Internal Nutrient Intake (E/ATGWP)             Stuffing yourself in the evening, and then getting well pissed.         
iv) Maximisation of Gift Intake Potential per Output unit            Getting better presents than you gave anyone else
v) Limitation of Inter-Fraternal Relationship Factor                    Avoiding relatives
vi) There is NO number vi)
vii) Same as iii)
viii) Visual and Optical Image Evaluation Techniques                 Watching television.

3. OUTLINE OF OUR WORK STUDY METHODS AS APPLIED TO CHRISTMAS:
After careful research we decided to evaluate the workings and efficiency potential of Christmas by concentrating on the activities of a single family over the Christmas period. We therefore commissioned a complete time and motion study from the well-known City firm of time and motion consultants, Haroun and Riki-al-Rashid Ltd. of the City of Berkenhead.

4. TIME AND MOTION SURVEY
No.: 8A/176209B3K121AB/602/7/EY/1973
A family was specially selected for the survey, after extensive market research, to be as typical as possible of the average British family spending Christmas in these islands. The family chosen was the Rashid family, of the Lighthouse, Wick, in Scotland—a first generation family of Egyptian philatelists. They read Al Ahram, go to the local shops once every eighteen months and 6 of their 19 children have extensive clairvoyant powers. Mrs. Rita Rashid is English, but her mother was a Turk, and her father was a Chilean bandleader. She is the author of 14 books ranging from The Brian Clough I Knew to Cooking in a High Wind, and was the first woman to run from Stirling to just north of Edinburgh. Mr. Rashid is a stamp, and not an arms, dealer, and his hobby is violating antiquated fishing laws. Our 4 time and motion experts were secretly installed in the Rashid's house by as early as 8 p.m. on the evening of Dec 23rd. Tape recording devices, hidden film cameras, pedometers and sensitive radio receivers were placed in strategic positions throughout the living area. Christmas day passed in silence, and it was not until 5.27 on the afternoon of Dec. 28th that our experts ascertained that the Rashids were spending Christmas in South Africa. A new survey was commissioned. [That's probably the main reason it cost more than 50 quid.]

5. TIME AND MOTION SURVEY No. 2:
Subjects: Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Smith, "Dalkeith", Sunnydale Road, Purley.
Children: Tina Louise, aged 8
                Johnny, aged 2 ½
Pets:        Elkan the Cat
                Sally—a Golden Retriever.
                Smoky—a guinea pig
               Alf—a Sperm Whale.
Period monitored: 6 a.m.—12 midnight, Christmas day 1973.
Methods Used: Four trained time and motion experts—Mr. J. Hargreaves, Mr. W. Davis, Mr. G. L. Stuart-Harris and Mr. A. Donkey. The experts were concealed in specially selected observation points.
Mr. J. Hargreaves was wedged in a narrow space below the floorboards of the main bedroom and the ceiling of the hallway. (He died of suffocation shortly before nine o'clock).
Mr. W. Davis was disguised as an occasional table, and was able to move from room to room observing.
Mr. Stuart-Harris was wrapped up as a present, and Mr. A. Donkey was behind the sideboard. The house was wired for sound and an automatic camera was hidden in the turkey.

REPORT
6.37 a.m. Tina wakes. Goes downstairs to look at presents. Discovers Mr. A. Donkey behind the sideboard.

6.39a.m. Police called. Mr. A. Donkey taken away.

7.37 a.m. Mrs. Smith starts to cook Christmas breakfast.

7.46 a.m. Mr. Raymond Smith trips over tape recorder wire. Falls down 8 flights of stairs. Doctor called.

8.20 a.m. Doctor arrives. Mr. Raymond Smith has hairline fracture of collarbone and multiple concussion.

8.33 a.m. Ambulance arrives. Mr. Smith taken to Purley Cottage Hospital.

8.37 a.m. Mrs. Smith, Tina and Johnny sit down to breakfast. Tina has received a Jean Genet colouring book and a doll's left leg in her stocking. Johnny is very pleased with his city guide to Detroit.

9.00 a.m. Hospital rings up. Mr. Raymond Smith found to have same fingerprints as Martin Bormann.

9.16 a.m. Presents opened. Johnny has two more city guides to Detroit, Mrs. Smith has some soap she has always wanted, and Tina has our investigator, Mr. G. L. Stuart-Harris.

9.19 a.m. Police called. Mr. G. L. Stuart-Harris taken to Purley Police Station for questioning.

10.09 a.m. Mrs. Smith clears breakfast away, and puts children's best coats on for church. Decides she looks silly, and wears her own coat instead.

10.13 a.m. Mrs. Smith, Tina and Johnny leave for carol service at St. Andrew of The By-Pass, East Purley. Mr. Davis emerges from table, mends tape recorder.

11.39 a.m. Mrs. Smith, Tina and Johnny return from church. Hospital rings to say Mr. Raymond Smith almost certainly Hitler's deputy.

12.16 p.m. Tina bored.

12.17 p.m. Johnny bored.

12.23 p.m. Mr. Hargreaves's body discovered.

1.30 p.m. Christmas Dinner. Mrs. Smith eats: 2 slices of lean turkey breast, 3 sprouts, 2 roast potatoes. Tina Smith eats: l 1/2 slices turkey, 2 sprouts, bread sauce, automatic camera.

1.34 p.m. Johnny Smith refuses food until one of his missing city guides to Detroit is found.

1.38 p.m. Tina Smith violently ill. Doctor called.

1.40 p.m. Christmas pudding arrives. Someone puts something hot on Mr. Davis. Excruciating pain.

1.45 p.m. Hospital rings again. Mr. Raymond Smith has confessed.

1.49 p.m. Tina Smith violently ill again.

1.55 p.m. Mrs. Smith phones Paraguay long-distance.

2.03 p.m Johnny finds missing city guide to Detroit. Alf the Sperm Whale has eaten some of the pages.

2.40 p.m. Doctor arrives to see Tina. Finds automatic camera in her smaller intestine. Does little dance and funny biz.

2.44 p.m. Doctor recognises Mrs. Smith as Helda Urmquist, Hitler's tricologist.

2.45 p.m. Doctor starts to phone police.

2.45 1/2 p.m. Doctor starts to phone police. Mrs. Smith strikes Doctor from behind with hardback copy of Detroit city guide.

2.45 3/4 p.m. Doctor collapses on Mr. Davis. Mr. Davis falls against standard lamp and sets Christmas tree on fire.

2.50 p.m. Neighbour smells fire. Calls fire brigade.

2.52 p.m. Special Branch police arrive. Mrs. Smith arrested leaving for airport.

2.53 p.m. Neighbour helps fire brigade put out blazing Christmas tree.

2.58 p.m. Special Branch find neighbour's fingerprints identical with those of Dr. Crippen.

2.59 p.m. Crackers explode.

2.59 1/2p.m. Carol singers arrive.

2.59 3/4 p.m. Downstairs ablaze.

3.00 p.m. Queen's Speech.

3.10 p.m. Firemen resume firefighting.

3.11 p.m. Neighbour arrested and charged with impersonating Dr. Crippen.

3.12 p.m. Mr. Davis given kiss of life by Fire Chief.

3.13 p.m. Carol singers' fingerprints found to be identical with those of wanted El Fatah guerrilla leaders.

3.14 p.m. Tina brings up vital evidence.

3.15 p.m. Mr. Davis marries Fire Chief.

3.16 p.m. Alf the Sperm Whale eats Elkan the Cat.

3.30 p.m. Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols.

3.31 p.m. President Nixon phones. Tape runs out.

6. RECOMMENDATIONS ARISING FROM THE SURVEY:
i) Christmas is extremely dangerous.
ii) The complex moral and ethical paraphernalia of Christmas (church services, cracker riddles etc.) represent a positive disincentive (a PDI) to the main purposes of this festive occasion as itemised in para. 2 of this report.
iii) Pay the £400 quick or Haroun will be round to sew your nostrils up.

***

Engineers!
This year why not try a holiday with a difference! A 10-day (or thereabouts) all-inclusive tour of the lovely Aegean Sea. Flights, on perfectly adequate airlines, every Friday, from near Gatwick. At Athens, you pick up the luxury liner "Haroun-al-Rashid" and carry it to the nearby port of Piraeus. Then, let leisure take over as the ship wends its way through the magical islands, redolent with history...Kithnos, Milos and then Egypt. Once in Egypt, you will be allowed to go ashore, and visit the long, thin, beautiful, metal Pyramids, and maybe even help to assemble some of them. Then back to the sun-drenched Aegean, where you can take out Russian or Egyptian citizenship, or simply bask in the sun. Write now for our brochure: Holidays for Qualified Engineers, Haroun-al-Rashid House, above the foreign office, Cairo, Bucks. 

Buggers!
This year why not try the holiday you've always wanted, in the interesting U.S.A. As you know there is an election coming up in only 3 years' time, and fully qualified buggers will be needed to help with the democratic process. You will receive first hand tuition from ex-Attorney Generals, and in the evening you will be able to mix informally with some of America's top buggers. Or simply bask in the sun. It's a holiday not to be missed. Write now for brochure to El Rashid Security and Survil...Servul...Surveillance Ltd 17. Biggles Buildings, near the prison (but not actually in it), Wandsworth (not a subsidiary of ITT at all, really).

[Revelator]

And here is the final Palin/Jones Christmas-themed Punch article. It's shorter than the previous one (CaB breathes massive sigh of relief). Happy Christmas!

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TERRY JONES and MICHAEL PALIN (straight from Monty Python) present
THE LITTLE RED CHRISTMAS BOOK
THE LIVING GUIDE TO CHRISTMAS FOR THE RADICAL NIPPER (Punch, Dec. 08, 1971)

"Children unite! Parental dynasticism is a paper tiger! The power lies in the pupilage, and the juvenescent syndicalism of the status pupillaris will gravel the toothless lackeys of gerontocratic parentalism, that have coerced our nonage throughout past history to be recipients of such fairings as: matching ballpoint pen and pencil sets, Tootal ties, books on How To Keep Warm, woolly jumpers and gloves."         (—San-Ta Claus)

Yes kiddies! Here's what you can do now—Don't just talk! Don't just write lists! ORGANISE YOURSELVES!

AGIT-PROP
Here are some of the already existing Direct Action Groups you may like to be affiliated to:
N.B.L.F.*
P.F.P.**
H.N.C.***
M.K.N.F.P.A.G.****
C.F.G.O.O.T.J.H.K.LD.V.H.G.*****

*New Bike Liberation Front.
** Presents for Profit.
***Helicopter now! Committee.
****Meccano Kit Number Four Please Action Group.
*****Committee For Getting One Of Those Junior Hospital Kits Like Deirdre Vickers Has Got.

THE LAW
And remember! The law is there for you to USE! I Don't be afraid to sue if you get: matching ballpoint pen and pencil sets, ties or more than 6 diaries. Try:
Breach of Promise (younger brothers cannot be used as witnesses) or sue parents under Trade Descriptions Act. Court action is not recommended for real Tinies, as they may wilt under cross-examination (viz. Crown v. Ba-ba Wilkins 1968, Mr. & Mrs. Potter v. Little Willie 1964 et al). They are advised to accept the gift and stick to Civil Disobedience.

CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE
This method accounts for some 90% of our success rate. Recommended tactics:
a) First thing Christmas morning get up early and get your head stuck in the banisters.
b) Contrive to be sick over the sofa before lunch.
c) Tell Uncle Jack what all his presents are before he opens them.
d) Be sick round the back of the television.
e) Put a couple of Uncle Jack's prophylactics in the Christmas pudding.
f) Make the dog sick.

CONSUMERS' CORNER
The following toys break on Christmas Day:
i) The Whizzo Super Ace Strongbeam Torch (With Inter-Galactic Signalling Attachment).
ii) The Little Wonder Two-Way Walkie-Talkie—(As Used By The U.S. Army).
iii) The Grantham "Staybrite" Video Recorder.

The following toys break on Boxing Day:
i) The Young Wizards' "Saw Your Granny In Half" Kit.
ii) The Little Wonder Self-Loading Automatic Rifle—(As Used By The U.S. Army).
iii) The Leonardo Da Vinci Icing Set.

The following toys last the whole year:
i) Matching ballpoint and pencil sets.
ii) Tootal ties.
iii) New plimsolls.
iv) Any Norman St. John Stevas book.

The following toys get lost:
i) The "Mercury" Radio-Controlled Glider.
ii) The Rod Laver "Flingandbring" Boomerang.
iii) The "Mariner IV" Mars Probe—(As Used By The U.S. Army).

THE PSYCHOLOGICAL APPROACH
If you still find Christmas presents a disturbing factor in your home life, you would do well to read a new book that has just been published under the title: "Human Yuletide Inadequacies". It is the result of 11 years of painstaking research and laboratory observations at the University of Illinois. Here is a typical extract:

PRESENTAL DYSFUNCTION
CASE HISTORY: Child A was 7 years of age and had shown considerable interest in each of several desire-objects: a) A clockwork tram, b) A Football, c) A Jetto Self-Elevating Missile Launcher & Camping Stool, d) A Junior Rodeo Suit, etc., etc. During the months preceding Christmas, he indicated to his parents his preference for a), b), c), & d) in turn. In the event he was presented on the 25th with a matching ballpoint pen and pencil set.

ANALYSIS: Obviously the parent had become disorientated during the gift-arousal stage, by the disparity of desire-objects indicated by the child. This resulted in blind panic followed by loss of identification of the child with the present in the parent's mind. This condition is known as Presental Dysfunction.

TREATMENT: On or around noon on November 15th the child should make the first mention of the article or articles required for Christmas. At first the mentions should be only 2 or 3 times daily. If by November 30th there has been no apparent reaction (e.g. slap on the head, refusal to allow staying-up for Man Alive, running-down drugs and pop music) then begin to mention the article in selected high-embarrassment situations (e.g. during brief but angelic post-bath appearance at dinner parties, in shops or in front of bank managers). If by December 24th there has still been no manifestation of parental perception of the desire-object indicated, be sick over the sofa" (from Human Yuletide Inadequacies, Masters & Johnson 1971)

BOOKS TO AVOID
The Young Capitalist's Christmas Annual. No revolutionary nipper should let himself be given this. This is the sort of thing it contains:
"Hallo Young Capitalists! Well, last year we showed you how to make box girder bridges, but this year we're concentrating on the thing which more and more kiddies are looking for at this Christmas Tide; a really well-managed, Equity-based, High Yield Growth Fund with maximum tax-free profit expectancy."

OTHER BOOKS FOR REVOLUTIONARY YOUNGSTERS TO AVOID:
1) My Life—by Sir Lew Grade
2) His Life—by Bernard Delfont

Copyright: The Little Red Christmas Book 1971
The Authors would like to make it clear that no mention of Mr. Maudling was intended nor, indeed, has been made in this book.

[Replies From View]

Coren isn't well known in the states, so it's likely the reporter misheard.

"Hmm I don't know who he means.  I'll assume he means a camp talk show presenter from nowadays rather than someone who was actually alive at the time whom I've never heard of."

This is how all Americans think.

[neveragain]

Thanks for those Revelator!

[the]

Since Christmas is approaching, here's the second Palin/Jones Christmas article for Punch. The main article (it's rather long) is followed by two "adverts." Enjoy!

And here is the final Palin/Jones Christmas-themed Punch article. It's shorter than the previous one (CaB breathes massive sigh of relief). Happy Christmas!

Brilliant Revelator, thanks again for (presumably) transcribing those Palin/Jones pieces, it's great that this site still manages to throw up a rarity now and then.

I've never read Punch, I'd be interested to know how these articles were typeset. Were they quite plain on the page, or was there some attempt to, say, mimic the layout of some vaguely reputable documents?

[mjwilson]

By the way, thanks to those who provided the details on the blu rays, I got the season 1 set with book as a Christmas present.

[Revelator]

I've never read Punch, I'd be interested to know how these articles were typeset. Were they quite plain on the page, or was there some attempt to, say, mimic the layout of some vaguely reputable documents?

The Christmas Efficiency piece was plain; The Little Red Christmas Book has the typography and lay-out of an advertisement. The British Publishing piece is in the middle. I'm glad you've enjoyed them--I was also surprised so much Python-related material was there, and uncollected too. I guess Palin and Jones were such a prolific team they could regularly produce such pieces and forget about them. I've also found a solo Terry Jones piece, which I'll post after New Year's. I also wonder what other publications might have similar pieces--perhaps the Radio Times archives?

[Bennett Brauer]

I also wonder what other publications might have similar pieces--perhaps the Radio Times archives?

If there is anything there, it doesn't seem to be in the recent Radio Times Python at 50 book¹. Quite a few facsimile pages of old Python previews and interviews (and RWT, Ripping Yarns, Fawlty etc) though. I don't think Radio Times went in for that sort of thing the way Punch did, and I can't think of another publication that would have.

_{^{1. You quite probably know about it, but if you're in the US maybe not. https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=m570.l1313&_nkw=radio+times+python+50&_sacat=0}}

[Revelator]

You're absolutely right. I had forgotten about the Radio Times book, which is waiting on my coffee table for me to read it before I watch the Flying Circus Blu-Rays and after I finish the new At Last the 1948 Show and Do Not Adjust Your Set DVDs.

Anyway, as promised, here is Terry Jones's Punch article. Happy New Year everyone!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to Slim

By Terry Jones of Monty Python's Flying Circus (Punch, May 2, 1973)

Are you hideously and repulsively FAT? Eurrrrrrgh! How HORRIBLE! I'm certainly glad I don't know you! In fact I'm surprised you weren't too embarrassed and ashamed to walk down the street to buy this magazine. I expect when you did everyone was pointing at you behind your back and saying: "Isn't he FAT!" and "Why doesn't he get SLIM?" and "I wouldn't like him to sit/ lie/jump up and down on me!" No wonder you're reading this page! Well, let me tell you, you are doing EXACTLY THE RIGHT THING. So keep reading. You have just taken the first step towards getting slim, because this whole article is designed to tell you HOW TO SLIM (see title).

For too long now HOW TO SLIM has been a closely guarded secret jealously kept by those who are slim from those who are fat and nasty. Well, at last, I am prepared to divulge the secret to you—NO MATTER HOW FAT YOU ARE! All you need to do is keep reading this article, and the SECRET will be yours. Once in possession of THE SECRET, all you have to do is become slim, and the whole world of sexual promiscuity will open up in front of you. So don't stop reading now! You are just about to gain possession of THE SECRET.

In fact it's on the very next line—so only a few more words of drivel and the SECRET is yours! Here it is (When I said "the next line" I didn't mean it absolutely literally. I'm sorry if I misled anyone, but please don't start writing in and complaining, because it's not worth it. You won't be pointing out to me anything I didn't already know, and in any case nobody likes clever dicks—especially fat ones.) Anyway, you are just about to become the proud possessor of THE SECRET of HOW TO SLIM. (This time it certainly is on the next line.)

There is one sure way HOW TO SLIM. DON'T EAT ANYTHING AT ALL. That way all your hideous excess fat falls off almost overnight. I know! I have DONE it! Once you have grasped this fundamental principle of How To Slim, you are in possession of THE SECRET, and now you no longer need to ask the question "How To Slim?". The question you now need to ask is: "How Not To Eat Anything At All?". This is more difficult. I won't make any bones about it. It is a Problem. But don't panic! I have the answer, because I have done it. I lost 2 stones in 3 weeks, simply by not eating anything at all...well I did have a curry on the third day, but that's not the point. The point is How Did I Not Eat Anything At All?

What did I do? Well the answer is: I didn't do anything. My wife did. She left me. Now since (a) I like good food and (b) company and (c) she is a better cook than I am and (f) I was no longer eligible for wife-swapping discussion-groups, I decided to eat nothing at all for two days.

Now, if you weigh yourself last thing at night and first thing in the morning, you will find that just by lying asleep you have lost 2 lbs. If you don't eat the next day you lose another 2 lbs., so that by the evening you will be 4 lbs lighter and 6 lbs lighter by the next morning. So you can lose 6 lbs in two days simply by Not Eating Anything At All!

So the fundamental principle of How Not To Eat Anything At All is: Get Your Wife To Leave You. This is your Key to How To Slim.

The next question is clear: How To Get Your Wife To Leave You ? Well this is not at all as difficult as you may imagine. In fact you may be pleasantly surprised at how easy it is. Don't forget you already have a considerable advantage, being so hideously and repulsively fat, Eurrrrrrgh! Your wife will probably be only too glad to go off and find some slim-hipped 18-year-old youth who's actually read Buckminster Fuller.

Of course, there are two possible snags: (a) she may prefer seedy, middle-aged, fat men or (b) she may herself be seedy, middle-aged and fat and unlikely to pick up anyone who's even read Dr. Zhivago. In the case of (a) you seem to have the best of all possible worlds and shouldn't be reading this article. In the case of (b) this is quite some problem, and, in fact, you may end up having to leave her, which is a terrible business, involving booking hotel rooms, finding somewhere else to live, moving your things out, and really I can't recommend it AT ALL. No, it's much better if you can get her to leave you.

There are two general methods of Getting Your Wife To Leave You: either brute force or persuasion. The first method is certainly quick and effective, but has snags. If, for example, your wife puts up particularly strong resistance, it's going to be you who has to do all the clearing-up afterwards, and I can tell you it's no fun trying to fix broken furniture or getting bloodstains out of the Axminster without the gentle hand of a help-mate. There is also the possibility of legal action—even criminal proceedings—which, while it might certainly take off a few pounds, might also interfere with your enjoyment of the SEXUAL PROMISCUITY which Slimness will make yours. So the only method I can really whole-heartedly recommend is Persuasion. It's legal, inexpensive and kind to the hands.

So the question How To Slim has now been greatly simplified. All you need to know is: How To Get Your Wife To Want To Leave You? This one's a piece of cake. Don't forget you already have a headstart being so HIDEOUSLY and REPULSIVELY Obese. All you have to do is cultivate this innate unattractiveness.

For instance, pay a little more attention to those unpleasant personal habits. Try picking in between your toes on her side of the bed. Use Trex instead of Brylcreem. Or simply start shaving your legs. Another good ploy is to make your wife feel inadequate. Start getting up a couple of hours before you go to work and whip round the house with a duster, hoover the carpets and put the supper on for the evening, so that by the time she comes down, looking awful and coughing from her first fag of the day, you're all bright and alert, have done all the housework and are just off for a full day at the office/mortuary/limb-fitting centre or wherever.

Or how about simply making her life with you a misery? You could start by trying to recreate Die Fledermaus in soft toys, or crazy-paving the sitting-room or ordering a new gas stove or any of a 1001 things which you will find in my book How To Get Your Wife To Want To Leave You And Your Money Back by a Well-Known Brand of Typewriter Ribbon.

Well! Now you've got rid of her. The door has slammed. The note is on the table. The hot-pot is in the fridge. God's in his heaven and the Dirty Fido's in her work basket where you left it. Suddenly you don't feel like eating any more. You stop. Next day...6 lbs lighter! "Impossible" I hear you mutter into your avocado vinaigrette? Let me repeat: I have DONE IT!

Yet one question remains. The mysteries of slimness that have eluded you for so many painfully humiliating years are at last made clear to you (for no other cost than the price of this magazine*) and yet, you will be saying— there still remains the one vital question: How To Stay Slim? Well you will probably be not at all surprised to hear that I have the answer for this too, and— AT NO EXTRA COST**—I am prepared to divulge all.

This is me divulging it...The point is: I like eating food. I also like having sex. And this is the crux. You will soon discover, now that your HIDEOUS and REPULSIVE obesity no longer scars the landscape, that the glittering and spangly world of Sexual Promiscuity has opened up before you. You will suddenly discover that maidens are no longer less forward than they used to be. You will discover that the days are not passed forever when a gentle rose will blush to see a manly shape. You will discover that what had been missing was the shape, and that now you are in proud repossession of IT. Sexual pleasure is the great consolation of the Slim.

Of course, you might decide that you enjoy eating food more than having sex, in which case, my sincere advice is that you eat as much as you possibly can until the end of your life without being ill. But if, like me, you find it hard to choose between the two, or preferably—would rather have both—one after the other—then my advice is: on the one hand don't have so much sex that you can't eat, and, on the other, don't eat so much food that people no longer want you to sit/lie/ jump up and down on them in the way that is currently fashionable with us humans.

I would like to point out that this article is written entirely free of charge, and donated to this publication in the sincere hope that it may improve the lot of my fellow men. Ladies reading this article are reminded that the author has probably only another 30 years or so left in which to sit/lie/jump up and down and they should contact him without delay.

Do not believe rumours that my wife has returned.

My waist is still only 30 inches!


*Donations are, however, always welcome.
**The author is always open to contributions NO MATTER HOW SLIM.