Author Topic: Just seen your dad (Read 11271 times)

BlodwynPig · « **Reply #120 on:** August 13, 2019, 08:44:22 AM »

Just seen your dad carving a raw turkey at a municipal wastewater treatment plant, oblivious to the sirens.

Replies From View · « **Reply #121 on:** August 13, 2019, 08:58:15 AM »

Maybe you should check if your dad is okay mate

Last time I saw him he was giving out samples of radiation poisoning to everyone on the northern line. A completely unneeded facility in this day and age.

You tell him. Nobody is needing all rotting bone marrow and things.

Huxleys Babkins · « **Reply #122 on:** August 13, 2019, 09:41:43 AM »

Just seen your dad jump starting some woman's Mazda MX5 in Morrisons car park. Don't tell your mum, eh, it'll finish her off.

Lordofthefiles · « **Reply #123 on:** August 13, 2019, 06:03:49 PM »

Just seen your dad, he's was wearing that ostrich suit he got off of Bernie Clifton.
He was running up and down outside the school trying to give the kids a laugh but I don't think he realised that the crotch of the tights is all worn out.
As I'm sure you remember, your dad always goes commando these days because of his enlarged left testicle.

Last I seen of him, a few of the dads got him in a headlock and dragged him behind the bus stop.
He was shouting something about not telling his son about what had happened... oops, forget I said owt.

Cold Meat Platter · « **Reply #124 on:** August 14, 2019, 12:02:24 AM »

Just seen your da in a child's cowboy outfit, a rootin' and a tootin' down the precinct.

non capisco · « **Reply #125 on:** August 14, 2019, 12:07:08 AM »

Just walked in on your dad knocking one out to a drawing he'd done on a post-it note of Minnie Mouse with a speech bubble saying "FUCK ME, GRAHAM."

poodlefaker · « **Reply #126 on:** August 14, 2019, 03:55:23 PM »

In the Spoons near the bus station, 9am. Jacinta starts pouring his John Smiths Smooth as soon as she hears his mobilty scooter pull up outside.

Cuellar · « **Reply #127 on:** August 14, 2019, 04:03:49 PM »

Just seen your dad do a double take at two guys walking the street holding hands

Cuellar · « **Reply #128 on:** August 14, 2019, 04:05:30 PM »

I have just seen your father double click on a hyperlink

Fishfinger · « **Reply #129 on:** August 14, 2019, 04:26:22 PM »

Shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass

Huxleys Babkins · « **Reply #130 on:** August 14, 2019, 04:44:47 PM »

Just seen your dad sobbing whilst he chucked a cheap Nokia phone into the canal.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #131 on:** August 14, 2019, 08:23:48 PM »

pissing on a banjo then hoofing it into the reservoir

BlodwynPig · « **Reply #132 on:** August 14, 2019, 08:44:15 PM »

Why’s your dad always near water?

Twit 2 · « **Reply #133 on:** August 14, 2019, 09:20:29 PM »

Just seen your dad dressed as Hank Marvin, flogging his genitalia with a tennis racket and telling me all about it.

Twit 2 · « **Reply #134 on:** August 14, 2019, 09:29:43 PM »

Quote from: BlodwynPig on August 14, 2019, 08:44:15 PM

Why’s your dad always near water?

Why’s your dad fucking a crayfish wife?
Why’s your dad slashes gills into his anus?
Why’s your dad scudding along the ocean floor in a hydraturd?
Why’s your dad gone all Jules Verne on his cunt?
Why’s your dad in Eastbourne docking fleets in his arse?
Why’s your dad a karaoke mermaid?
Why’s your dad stringing kelp round his belm?
Why’s your dad piss blue fin tuna out his seaslug?
Why’s your dad a maritime lawyer specialising in brig-based buggery?
Why’s your dad CEO of POSEIDON BUM-DILDS?
Why’s your dad listening to Vaughan Williams’s Sea Symphony on a circus of fucking machines?
Why’s your dad got Stevie Wonder to sing at his sea ceremony and kidnapped him in a cave?
Why’s your dad cunt piss fish wank?

Replies From View · « **Reply #135 on:** August 24, 2019, 03:48:36 PM »

Just caught your dad farting in the aisles of IKEA mate.

Lordofthefiles · « **Reply #136 on:** September 16, 2019, 08:32:48 AM »

Just seen your dad in the town centre. He had a mop on his head and was shouting "I'm Boris Johnston and I've undermined my backstop" while shit ran out of the legs of his Bermuda shorts.

Huxleys Babkins · « **Reply #137 on:** September 16, 2019, 10:53:35 AM »

Just seen your dad getting chucked out the Toby for stripping naked and lying on the hot plate. He's calling himself "the fifth meat" and he demands to be sliced.

BlodwynPig · « **Reply #138 on:** September 16, 2019, 11:15:19 AM »

Just seen your dad being bundled into the back of one of those prison vans, trying to hide his face with a blanket as the press vultures circle around...he's forgotten that he's wearing the Daz's Stag-Do Magaluf 2012 t-shirt with the words "Paedo Dad 10 bellies John Watson" on the back and a photo of him mullered in a Thai brothel on the front.

Huxleys Babkins · « **Reply #139 on:** September 18, 2019, 05:27:51 PM »

Just seen your dad eating E45 cream out of a tub with a spoon.

Fishfinger · « **Reply #140 on:** September 18, 2019, 05:32:05 PM »

Just seen your dad losing a fight to a scarecrow, and why hasn't he been at work for 3 weeks?

Fishfinger · « **Reply #141 on:** September 18, 2019, 05:47:25 PM »

Just seen your dad cosplaying as Chun-Li on Twitch. Reported.

Bazooka · « **Reply #142 on:** September 20, 2019, 07:11:26 AM »

Just seen your Dad trying to turn on a Gameboy.

Huxleys Babkins · « **Reply #143 on:** September 20, 2019, 10:16:54 AM »

Just seen your dad brawling with a salesman at the Ford dealership after he was told that "we don't make the Granada any more".

Gregory Torso · « **Reply #144 on:** September 22, 2019, 05:42:51 PM »

Just seen your dad unable to handle Brian Cox right now.

Just seen your dad going into a vape shop and walking out ten minutes later, baffled.

Just seen your dad in a corduroy romper suit in Wilco asking one of the workers where they keep the assault rifles.

Just seen your dad eating an apple right in front of its tree in a vulgar display of power.

Just seen your dad screaming WHAT ARE YOU, CAN YOU TALK into a bee hive.

Just seen your dad in Argos asking one of the staff if he can buy a fucking submarine or does he have to come back here with a machete and start a war.

Gregory Torso · « **Reply #145 on:** September 22, 2019, 05:46:34 PM »

Just seen your dad whisking his dick all around the egg farm.

rasta-spouse · « **Reply #146 on:** September 23, 2019, 10:15:32 AM »

Just seen your dad sitting in a room listening to Astral Weeks smoking a blunt. Might go silently join him in a bit, seems alright this.

Gregory Torso · « **Reply #147 on:** October 03, 2019, 03:04:15 PM »

Saw your dad watching tv with a duckling in Hooters.

Gregory Torso · « **Reply #148 on:** October 03, 2019, 03:15:12 PM »

Saw your dad in Pets At Home, being told quite clearly "Guinea pigs can't eat meat. A guinea pig cannot digest meat." Saw your dad nodding, going "Ah right". Saw your dad coming out of the butchers with a shopping bag full of raw chicken. Saw your dad burying a tiny shoebox in the flowerbeds.

Gregory Torso · « **Reply #149 on:** October 03, 2019, 03:16:01 PM »

Just seen your dad and he told me he's changed his name to Guy Fucks.

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Author Topic: Just seen your dad (Read 11271 times)