Author Topic: Just seen your dad  (Read 2275 times)

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #30 on: June 28, 2019, 02:19:39 PM »
I saw your dad on Dragons Den trying to pitch a business idea, "tuxedos for paedos" and when Duncan went "all in, no backsies" your dad ran off down the stairs crying, saying it was never meant to get this far.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #31 on: June 28, 2019, 02:24:35 PM »
I've just seen your dad dressed in your skin after a night toiling on your corpse, Silence of the Lambs Blu Ray still in the player. He's posting using your account now

"....except for a baseball cap..."

You can still tell its your dad as the penis skin chafed off on the wooden stool he is now perched on.

Chilling stuff.

"I saw your dad on Dragon's Den..."

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #32 on: June 28, 2019, 02:31:45 PM »
ah seen your dad, big grey and humourless, lumbering through the forest, saggy oak tree bark man, coming back from the hunt with his squealing sack. his mind an unyielding lunchbox of meaty secrets, your dad.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #33 on: June 28, 2019, 03:53:25 PM »
Your dad, seen, coming last in a French village pétanque contest

"Fucking Roast Beef cunt" the villager laugh. He's forced to eat their faeces and be mounted by the village goat before shuffling back to the Eurocamp site and snuggling up to you in the shared sleeping bag, whimpering and damp.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #34 on: June 28, 2019, 04:06:43 PM »
I have seen your - yes it was definitely your dad in the pay-and-display car park behind Pizza Hut, shouting MACHINE IS SWALLOWING MONEY, MACHINE IS SWALLOWING MONEY. HELLO. IS THERE SOMEONE THERE WHO CAN HEAR ME. MACHINE IS" until the moon dipped behind a cloud and he forgot where he was and what he was doing.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #35 on: June 28, 2019, 11:21:19 PM »
Just seen your dad, asked him if everything is ok after the allegations were made.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #36 on: June 29, 2019, 07:40:13 AM »
Just seen your dad at a Hooters telling a waitress she has lovely eyes... oh christ, he’s now down on one knee, proposing

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #37 on: June 29, 2019, 08:36:13 AM »
Just seen your dad... He was still furiously pulling at it as the security guards let him out of the bus station.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #38 on: June 29, 2019, 10:10:50 PM »
I have e'er seen your dad on all fives, truffling around in the neighbour's spinach patch, digging for enchantments, the stiff jagged bone sheath from which you dribbled frothy forth pistoning violently into the loam beneath, bawling for his joanna lovely.

I have seen your dad then, rooting around in the neighbour's bald patch, pulling up clumps of hair and stuffing them under his cap, cackling like the shits.

Your dad on view, his hair combed up like a greasy Ayers rock, his face red and hived, a small english breakfast, a derelict in the driveway.


BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #39 on: June 29, 2019, 10:15:33 PM »
I have just seen your dad tumble down the escalator at the last remaining mothercare, wearing only a nappy and bra. A security guard hauled him up but retracted in horror at glazed but ecstatic grimace smeared across the face of the once respected pillar of the community.

Ah! I see you shrugging...just the usual shenanigans, but this time, for the first time, in public.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #40 on: July 01, 2019, 02:05:12 PM »
Just seen your dad playing a gnome in Dungeons & Dragons.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #41 on: July 01, 2019, 02:06:18 PM »
Just seen your dad get a blow job from the lady with the cleft palette at the sweet shop. No idea where that gobstopper went though.

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Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #42 on: July 01, 2019, 05:16:11 PM »
Just seen your dad foaming secretly at the mouth and dashing his frost on some pick and mix.

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Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #43 on: July 01, 2019, 08:29:44 PM »
Just seen your dad coming down the stairs in pyjamas to the accompaniment of a really shite song.

He was having a whale of a time, but just so you know all of us watching were all cringing ourselves inside out, and one of the lads in our group (not me!) even wished death on him!!

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #44 on: July 01, 2019, 09:26:13 PM »
Seen your dad rage-burying himself in the cemetary because you wouldn't let him bring egg-fried rice in a box to uncle Ted's funeral.

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Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #45 on: July 02, 2019, 12:10:33 PM »
Just saw your dad up Everest ripping his own cock off in fury.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #46 on: July 02, 2019, 12:12:34 PM »
Just saw your dad buying an Ant & Dec Maxi Single on CD in Asda and toughing out the sniggers with some sly finger flaps.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #47 on: July 02, 2019, 12:47:30 PM »
Just seen your dad. Nice bloke, actually. Just bumped into him outside the butchers. Told me all about his new life with Sandra from the newsagents. Have you seen your mum recently? Didn't she move to Yeovil after the divorce? Anyway, yeah, your dad, nice bloke. Seems a lot happier these days. Said he's built a new porch. Have you seen it? Said I should come round and have a look next time I'm over in Martock. Don't really go there much these days, not since the Co-op closed. Always had a better range there than the one here. You been to the new Tescos in Ilminster? Pretty good, actually. Use it as a car park as well while I nip into the Bread & Buttie on my breaks. Two hours free parking - why not, eh? Your dad was talking about Dan as well, how he might be getting an apprenticeship at Wickes. He works at Richer Sounds now, doesn't he? The one in Yeovil. Yeah, that's right. 'ere, I'll tell you what, your dad was telling me about Paul, you know, the speccy kid we were at school with. You were always teasing him. Anyway, apparently, he was killed in Australia, cycling accident apparently, head came clean off, they said; arms and legs were found a few days later in dingo puke, they said. Oh, and did you hear about Jonny from the petrol station? Got done for porn, really horrible stuff apparently, kids and animals and everything, apparently. He'd better not be showing his face round here again, I can tell you. Oh yeah, you know that Chris, the bloke who runs that landscape gardening business? Dead, he is. Apparently a dumbbell fell on his face in his garage, caved it right in, nothing left of it, they said. Horrible stuff. Brains everywhere, apparently. Didn't know he had brains, to be honest. Oh, you remember Gavin, Kevin's little brother? Getting married to Kelly, you know, the one you used to really fucking fancy. Anyway, your dad says he's having a do up the cricket club, if you want to come along. Did you hear about Janet? Shot herself apparently. Never got over losing her husband Chris. And then what with the fire an' all. Terrible. Oh, apparently Trish is starting up a Legs, Bums & Tums class down in St. Michael's Hall, I know your wife said she wanted to do something like that. Maybe she could give Trish a ring? Remember that stupid old bint who lived on her own in that house on the corner of West Street and Pickards Lane, the one who was always shouting at people about her varicose veins and how she reckons her house was full of ghosts? Dead, she is. Apparently she'd been dead for weeks inside her house, next to the front door. Neighbours only noticed when they saw all this liquid coming out from under the door, had her eyes in it, they said. etc etc etc
« Last Edit: July 02, 2019, 01:24:58 PM by Neville Chamberlain »

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #48 on: July 02, 2019, 01:49:38 PM »
Just seen your dad going into a brothel with a Spar bag full of coppers.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #49 on: July 02, 2019, 01:54:43 PM »
Just seen your dad going into a brothel with a Spar bag full of coppers.

...pale when he came out mind

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #50 on: July 02, 2019, 03:11:02 PM »
Just seen your dad at a comedy gig. He looked fat and depressed.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #51 on: July 02, 2019, 03:16:43 PM »
Staring at tadpoles. I guess he was curious about their evolutionary trajectory, but I don't know. I tried to engage him in conversation but he had his ear muffs on.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #52 on: July 02, 2019, 03:18:49 PM »
Pretending to buy a doughnut in a Robocop reboot.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #53 on: July 02, 2019, 03:23:24 PM »
Stumbling into a gutter.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #54 on: July 02, 2019, 03:24:48 PM »
Pretending to buy a doughnut in a Robocop reboot.

Got a cheap German made film based on Turner & Hooch called "Gerhard und Hündchen" (straight-to-bin VHS). Just seen your dad, in the background and unaware, wanking off a bulldog in one of the deleted scenes.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #55 on: July 02, 2019, 03:36:00 PM »
Just seen your dad being interviewed by Piers Morgan.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #56 on: July 02, 2019, 03:38:10 PM »
Just seen your dad being interviewed by Piers Morgan.

Why did you change it...my dad's CV was nicked from your dad's alligator skin briefcase whilst he was being sucked off by a Thai ladyboy in Bangkok

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #57 on: July 02, 2019, 04:01:42 PM »
Just seen your dad editing his CAB post 'cos he's day-drinkin'.

Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #58 on: July 02, 2019, 04:13:50 PM »
Gazing into the mirror miming to This Corrosion wearing an open cagoule.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Just seen your dad
« Reply #59 on: July 02, 2019, 04:14:57 PM »
Wearing your mother's best evening gown, howling at the bin men "don't take her...for God's sake...don't take her away!!!"