Just seen your dad. Nice bloke, actually. Just bumped into him outside the butchers. Told me all about his new life with Sandra from the newsagents. Have you seen your mum recently? Didn't she move to Yeovil after the divorce? Anyway, yeah, your dad, nice bloke. Seems a lot happier these days. Said he's built a new porch. Have you seen it? Said I should come round and have a look next time I'm over in Martock. Don't really go there much these days, not since the Co-op closed. Always had a better range there than the one here. You been to the new Tescos in Ilminster? Pretty good, actually. Use it as a car park as well while I nip into the Bread & Buttie on my breaks. Two hours free parking - why not, eh? Your dad was talking about Dan as well, how he might be getting an apprenticeship at Wickes. He works at Richer Sounds now, doesn't he? The one in Yeovil. Yeah, that's right. 'ere, I'll tell you what, your dad was telling me about Paul, you know, the speccy kid we were at school with. You were always teasing him. Anyway, apparently, he was killed in Australia, cycling accident apparently, head came clean off, they said; arms and legs were found a few days later in dingo puke, they said. Oh, and did you hear about Jonny from the petrol station? Got done for porn, really horrible stuff apparently, kids and animals and everything, apparently. He'd better not be showing his face round here again, I can tell you. Oh yeah, you know that Chris, the bloke who runs that landscape gardening business? Dead, he is. Apparently a dumbbell fell on his face in his garage, caved it right in, nothing left of it, they said. Horrible stuff. Brains everywhere, apparently. Didn't know he had brains, to be honest. Oh, you remember Gavin, Kevin's little brother? Getting married to Kelly, you know, the one you used to really fucking fancy. Anyway, your dad says he's having a do up the cricket club, if you want to come along. Did you hear about Janet? Shot herself apparently. Never got over losing her husband Chris. And then what with the fire an' all. Terrible. Oh, apparently Trish is starting up a Legs, Bums & Tums class down in St. Michael's Hall, I know your wife said she wanted to do something like that. Maybe she could give Trish a ring? Remember that stupid old bint who lived on her own in that house on the corner of West Street and Pickards Lane, the one who was always shouting at people about her varicose veins and how she reckons her house was full of ghosts? Dead, she is. Apparently she'd been dead for weeks inside her house, next to the front door. Neighbours only noticed when they saw all this liquid coming out from under the door, had her eyes in it, they said. etc etc etc
