Author Topic: Story time! Nags spends an hour alone inside a Satanic ritual (HIGHLY NSFW)  (Read 4220 times)

alan nagsworth

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Ah yeah, Vishnu, Shiva, one of those bellends.

Good work on finding the book, konki!

alan nagsworth

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Please share more tales about working for landlords and bailiffs

For the most part it's all fairly straightforward. Landlords are, as you can imagine, either twats or weirdos, or often both. Estate agents are, as you can imagine, extremely unreliable and don't really give a shit about anything. I don't have many run-ins with bailiffs. The reason I like my job is because I almost exclusively work alone.

The job I mentioned in the OP where the tenant had died two days prior was an odd one. As I've said, she got very drunk on red wine, and fell down the stairway outside the door of the flat and the fall killed her. Inside the flat in the kitchen and the living room there were numerous red wine stains on the walls and the floors. Like, big stains. There were at least four empty wine bottles dotted about the place. It was fucking sad, it felt like I'd walked into a snapshot of the very end of someone's life, just preserved like this until the place would be inevitably cleared out and redecorated. I nicked a couple of packs of risotto and a few jars of spices out of the cupboards, and there was a bowl of Lindt chocolates on the dining table so I made sure to yam a few of those while I was there as well. Fuck it.

alan nagsworth

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I've decided I'm not going to share the video of the flat of the extremely emotionally distressed and evicted trans woman. But I will show you the photo I took of her toilet, which, as a standalone article, is one of the most hideous things I've ever seen IRL. Caked on to the toilet seat was a load of toilet paper wadded on with what appeared to be piss, as if it were some sort of vague attempt at clawing back some kind of sanitation. But, well, you really can't polish a turd, and this is some turd...

Thread's already marked NSFW so fuck it, you're getting this:



The whole bath was filled with plaster as the ceiling looked like it had been physically ripped down. The rest of the flat was full of Classic Rock magazines and tons of other newspapers and mags hoarded all over the floor. Empty single serving bottles/cans of wine and Jack Daniel's and coke. A mirror on the kitchen worktop with a post-in stuck on which read "Deborah", which I quickly gleaned was her newly assigned name after noting the letters addressed to the property had a male name also beginning with "D", and so much shaven facial hair and disposable orange Bic razors surrounding it. The kitchen sink was swarmed with fruit flies. There was a leather bucket armchair and the arms had been clawed by anxious hands right down to the stuffing. It was fucking tragic. Loads of Alpen and Country Crisp in the cupboards, but I decided against nicking that. Even I have scruples.

grassbath

  • In love we're all the same
Nagsworth, I read your OP sitting in an otherwise empty pub this evening while listening to the new Thom Yorke album and it scared the cunting piss out of me. I can't believe the responses in this thread have been so flippant.

alan nagsworth

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Haha! Yeah, such is the nature of CaB, but I don't doubt it may have had some sort of chilling effect on other people too. All the mates I've showed this to told me they wouldn't have even set foot in the place, let alone willingly spent an hour in there on their own. An Asian friend told me that in his culture you could get disowned by your family for even having walked through the door, as you're effectively cursed for life for having done so. But hey, it's an unforgettable weird as fuck experience and I waned to get as much out of it as possible!

Nagsworth, I read your OP sitting in an otherwise empty pub this evening while listening to the new Thom Yorke album and it scared the cunting piss out of me. I can't believe the responses in this thread have been so flippant.

If i knew how to resize images i'd post that hilarious Flanimal drawn on the wall.

non capisco

  • A+ in arson class
Nagsworth, I read your OP sitting in an otherwise empty pub this evening while listening to the new Thom Yorke album and it scared the cunting piss out of me. I can't believe the responses in this thread have been so flippant.

I'd only just forgotten about the fucking thing and he goes and posts it on here.

BlodwynPig

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More shit bowls please

alan nagsworth

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If i knew how to resize images i'd post that hilarious Flanimal drawn on the wall.

[?img width=200?]imageurl.jpeg[?/img?]

without the ?s

Twed

  • I need you so, Medieval Zone, you don't need me
Christ nagsworth, that's scarier than the demons.

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[img width=200]imageurl.jpeg[/img]

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
It's not all that exciting. Suffice to say I've spent enough time on my own in big empty houses and I've never ever had the feeling that something spooky was at play. I got a real odd feeling the whole time I was there, and it was a perfectly bright and normal looking, well-kept flat. I didn't like it at all and I kept thinking I just wanted to get the job done and get out.

In one particular bedroom, I got this feeling especially. Then, while I was in there, the door opened slightly, apropos of nothing. It wasn't slightly dropped on the hinge, didn't have a closing device, there was no breeze. It was still for a while, and then it moved. Feeling uneasy and irritable, I moved the door back to how it was before. A couple of minutes later it moved again. Trying to keep my mind off it, I shut the door so it couldn't move again. Then, a few minutes later when I went to leave, the fucking thing wouldn't open. It had one of these doorknobs with a twist lock fitted on it, and I thought it had somehow locked, so I twisted it one way, tried the handle, then twisted the other way, tried it again, and honestly it wouldn't budge. I properly started freaking out, so I took a step back and tried to keep myself collected, and then gave it another go and it opened completely smooth and easy, like nothing was ever wrong with it.

Urgh it gives me a chill even now! And this was like four years ago.

Now thats a fucking story i can relate to. Jesus

NoSleep

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I'd guess the person in there had some sort of a psychotic episode

More like they had an obnoxious cunt episode.

alan nagsworth

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Religious lunatics and obnoxious cunts - one and the same? This seems absurd to me.

NoSleep

  • feat. Keith Jarrett and his singing parrot
    • Space Is The Place
There wasn't any evidence of them being actual satanists; more like they watched The Omen once and added shit to the mix.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Despite my shrugging, I tried to go to sleep last night and images of Nagsworth alone in that house prevented a peaceful slumber. As I nodded into a fitful dream, images of a derobed Alan, shivering and alone in one of the "high rooms" drifted across my synapses. A soft but malevolent voice whispered "he has thus returned"..."savour the end"..."no more".

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Probably your wife gaslighting you again.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Probably your wife gaslighting you again.

You could well b

alan nagsworth

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There wasn't any evidence of them being actual satanists; more like they watched The Omen once and added shit to the mix.

I was being fecal facetious in my response, but really, “no evidence”? The way I’ve presented it may be in a slightly glib fashion, but trust me, I only did so in an attempt to make light of an experience which was honestly really fucking dark and unpleasant. It seems at least equally plausible that this could be the work of someone having a psychotic episode or performing some sort of ritual. Or, actually, both.  You weren’t there, man, you weren’t there.

Don't check out this thread over your morning scrambled egg on toast.

I nicked a couple of packs of risotto and a few jars of spices out of the cupboards, and there was a bowl of Lindt chocolates on the dining table so I made sure to yam a few of those while I was there as well.

This is probably the most shocking part of the thread.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Fucking hell, didn't see that when I first saw the image


NoSleep

  • feat. Keith Jarrett and his singing parrot
    • Space Is The Place
I was being fecal facetious in my response, but really, “no evidence”? The way I’ve presented it may be in a slightly glib fashion, but trust me, I only did so in an attempt to make light of an experience which was honestly really fucking dark and unpleasant. It seems at least equally plausible that this could be the work of someone having a psychotic episode or performing some sort of ritual. Or, actually, both.  You weren’t there, man, you weren’t there.

It's certainly vindictive and obnoxious (which by default I would say is not somebody behaving in a sane manner), but are they satanists? I doubt it; the imagery used is not indicative of anything deeper than a cursory knowledge; inverted pentagrams, goat headed devils; more stuff that connects to the Classic Rock mags than any religion. or maybe they saw an Eliphas Levi (a christian occultist, rather than a satanist) book and found something (negative publicity) like this:



Mostly it's vandalism (nothing against the Vandals implied there).


but are they satanists?

What is a satanist really? Is it someone who smears shit on the wall, someone who's mentally ill? Is it someone who tries to summon the devil? Is it someone who has just had too many drugs?

What's the dictionary definition of an actual satanist and is there any consensus on what a satanist actually is? If there are no human sacrifices it's not satanism if you ask me.

The bit about the door opening on it's own is most amusing. As if the devil manifested and the best he could do with his trasmutational psychokinetic powers was to very gently push a door open, twice. Is that the best he could do or do evil spirits just have a thing about fucking about with doors?

And if it really was satan or an evil imp messing with the door you are basically imbuing the previous tenant with the power to summon evil spirits which would be giving someone who puts shit on the wall a lot of credit.

It's two different houses.

NoSleep

  • feat. Keith Jarrett and his singing parrot
    • Space Is The Place
Satan? More like Shat-on.

alan nagsworth

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Yes, the spooky door, the poo house and the Classic Rock magazine hoarding flat were three separate properties.

St_Eddie

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One of my friends has a really nasty, filthy flat, where it's not uncommon to find flies hovering all over the place and the odd maggot or two.  On a couple of occasions, I've walked into his flat and immediately started involuntary gagging because the smell is so bad.  His toilet is pretty much in the same state as the one above, except sans the toilet paper.  In fact, there's no toilet paper whatsoever within his flat, as he claims that he "doesn't need to wipe because it comes out clean" - the caked in shit on his toilet and the surrounding floor suggests otherwise.  What I can never understand is how it's even possible for a toilet to end up in this state.

As disgusting as it may be, I can understand if someone is too lazy or lacks the motivation to clean their toilet, but how does shit end up on the seat and down the sides of the toilet and on the floor?  I simply can't fathom how it's possible to do so, unless someone was doing it on purpose.  Can anybody explain this to me?
« Last Edit: July 01, 2019, 01:46:42 PM by St_Eddie »

Better Midlands

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You weren’t there, man, you weren’t there.

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Runny shits that stink off the communal hallway. I watched fish heads glitter in the dark near the smashed toilet. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

alan nagsworth

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Another story:

I remember having one job where I was warned beforehand by our operations manager that the landlord was a “bully” and that I wasn’t to be intimidated by them whatsoever, and was free to leave at any time if I felt like it was getting too much. In my personal life, I’m very prone to offence due to social anxiety in any of its guises forcing my brain one way or the other, but professionally, when it comes to being put upon by total strangers, I don’t take any shit. I can hold my ground well and, since my job is from an objective third party stance, I’ve never not come out on top. So I wasn’t worried.

When I arrived at the job, the landlord hadn’t yet arrived, but the tenant was there. I took the opportunity to ask her about the landlord, and she started going into a small rant about how he was a deceptive, manipulative bully who had been chipping away at her ever since she moved in through one issue or another. As she did so, her voice started trembling, and she honestly started crying. It was too overwhelming for her to even talk about.

Around this moment, we heard the landlord’s key in the door, and the tenant quickly began to dry her eyes and compose herself, telling me to “just watch him, that’s all I’ll say”. It was like I’d stepped into investigating a domestic abuse case.

The landlord himself was immediately a quiet, composed man in his late 60s. He stayed for the full inspection (the tenant made an excuse to leave right away, but not before shooting me a “look after yourself” glance over his shoulder), and not once did he present himself as anything but a well-mannered and patient individual. But there was something there. Much like my ghost tale, something didn’t feel right and it made me uneasy. Like being told there’s a poisonous snake somewhere in your kitchen and you can’t take your eyes off the quaint little tea cosy.

Anyway the job goes without a hitch and before I leave I head downstairs to give him a brief rundown of any major issues. As I’m doing so, his phone rings. What ringtone does he have? Is it the shite iPhone xylophone one? Is it some groovy little MIDI salsa tune? No. It’s the fucking theme from Jaws. Who has the theme from Jaws as their ringtone?! Vicious bastards, that’s who. That’s not the ringtone of a balanced individual. All of a sudden right then it made sense. I was glad I got out of there alive.