Author Topic: What is your greatest invention?  (Read 2702 times)

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #30 on: July 05, 2019, 09:27:30 PM »
These are the instructions to recreating my greatest invention: string in ice

1. find piece of string
2. place ends of string in two different cubes of an ice cube tray
3. fill tray with water
4. place in freezer - make ice cubes as normal
5. carefully remove ice cubes with the bits of string now frozen into place
6. dangle over ear - the ice cubes will cool the side of your face and neck. very useful on hot days

I don’t have a lot going on at the moment - I think I’m going to try this infringe your patent on this new invention

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #31 on: July 05, 2019, 09:30:17 PM »
Salt on cookies. Everyone will be having salt on cookies after I'm dead.

touchingcloth

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #32 on: July 05, 2019, 09:33:04 PM »
Salt on cookies. Everyone will be having salt on cookies after I'm dead.

Cookies on salt is my one. Instead of just eating your usual breakfast plate of salt, add a cookie or two.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #33 on: July 05, 2019, 09:47:39 PM »
I invented the Vortex Turdmaster.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #34 on: July 05, 2019, 10:10:11 PM »
There seems to be a lot of inventing going on at the moment.  Every time you look on facebook or other corners of the Internet, you can find lots of posts from people who clearly think they invented stuff.  Like pregnancy, or getting married, or decorating a house.

At least, that's my only explanation.  Surely the only justification you could possibly have for filling a million sodding status updates/blog posts about a fairly common human experience is that you were suffering from the delusion that you were the first person to do it.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #35 on: July 05, 2019, 10:27:50 PM »
I'm currently in the motion of patenting Trenter's Cock TamponsTM.

Looking suspiciously like filter tips for rollies these little chaps make post urinal incontinence a thing of the past.  After you've dribbled your penile waste in a urinal, sink or church doorway, stay classy by popping one of these little guys up your mucktunnel to plug your shame.  Then all that is left to do is walk away with confidence.

Marketing wise I'm imagining some kind of Gillette style advert in which a group of well groomed chaps on the slashwall are all joshing and piddling until one lad, desperately searching for his Cock TamponTM becomes visibly terrified at having lost it.  Disappointment abound, but ahhhh, no need to worry the megachinned fella next door looks knowingly at the tamponless one and with hand on his shoulder presents him with one of his own Cock TamponsTM.  Lads.  Possibly Jordan Peterson to endorse.

Comes in see-through waterproof tubes with a choice of sizes; regular, slim and extra slim*,**


*would also work quite well in the end of rollie
**possible tweezers required for Cock TamponTM extraction.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #36 on: July 05, 2019, 10:38:07 PM »
That's an actual good idea, the modern building trade does 'kit houses' where everything is made to measure and they pre-fit fixtures anyway.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #37 on: July 05, 2019, 10:42:16 PM »
"Kit houses"!? What are they woofters or summick.

Cock Tampons. Mate.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #38 on: July 05, 2019, 11:01:47 PM »
Are your cock tampons suitable for a chode? Asking for a friend.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #39 on: July 05, 2019, 11:09:03 PM »
Are your cock tampons suitable for a chode? Asking for a friend.

Just tell your "mate" to put it in side ways or if he's a cunt he could invest in one of these bourgeois made to measure "kit houses".

Cerys

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #40 on: July 05, 2019, 11:52:02 PM »
I have invented a chain on which wheelchair users can rest their feet.  It makes the wheelchair less unwieldy to turn in confined spaces, and also means it's easier to tell who is legitimately paralysed and who is just pretending.  Those who are pretending can't help but swing their feet back and forth.  It's a dead giveaway.  In years to come, all wheelchair users will be compelled to use my invention, and I'll be rolling in cash.  Literally.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #41 on: July 07, 2019, 11:29:53 AM »
I've recently invented taking a brew out round the village while mooching about. Not in a fancy disposable takeaway cup or a portable cup with a lid or anything so bourgeois,  but a proper mug of tea in a proper mug.

For the good people of CaB I am open to negotiating discounted franchises. The benefits are negligible but its definitely a winner and will improve your life.

 Seize the opportunity before its too late.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #42 on: July 07, 2019, 12:52:19 PM »
I've recently invented taking a brew out round the village while mooching about. Not in a fancy disposable takeaway cup or a portable cup with a lid or anything so bourgeois,  but a proper mug of tea in a proper mug.

For the good people of CaB I am open to negotiating discounted franchises. The benefits are negligible but its definitely a winner and will improve your life.

 Seize the opportunity before its too late.

Been doing this years, so actually this is another one of mine and you owe me money for breaching my patent.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #43 on: July 08, 2019, 09:28:44 AM »
Oh bloody hell, sorry Mr Bueller, i hope you dont need to involve your lawyers, it was an honest mistake on my part.

Perhaps you could give me a ring and maybe we could come to some arrangement that would be mutually beneficial?
Please give me a ring on 0161 KISS MY BALLS.
Thankyou.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #44 on: July 08, 2019, 10:22:42 AM »
NU METAL

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #45 on: July 08, 2019, 11:15:13 AM »
Oh bloody hell, sorry Mr Bueller, i hope you dont need to involve your lawyers, it was an honest mistake on my part.

Perhaps you could give me a ring and maybe we could come to some arrangement that would be mutually beneficial?
Please give me a ring on 0161 KISS MY BALLS.
Thankyou.

Didn’t get through, will try again during business hours

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #46 on: July 08, 2019, 11:23:46 AM »
Space Cunts probably which is a bit sad

Replies From View

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #47 on: July 08, 2019, 12:26:22 PM »
I invented Samuel Pepys and his bullshit Diary.

NoSleep

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #48 on: July 08, 2019, 02:36:30 PM »
Space Cunts probably which is a bit sad

Triumphantly sad.

Cerys

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #49 on: July 09, 2019, 12:20:34 AM »
Wasn't the title from something SNG said, or did I dream that?

Cuntbeaks

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #50 on: July 09, 2019, 12:44:14 AM »
Black pudding on a pizza.

Years before I saw it anywhere for sale.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #51 on: July 09, 2019, 12:47:58 AM »
Black pudding on a pizza.

Years before I saw it anywhere for sale.

I invented turning the box from a frozen pizza inside out to make a makeshift plate.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #52 on: July 09, 2019, 01:07:24 AM »
I invented turning the box from a frozen pizza inside out to make a makeshift plate.

no u fukin didnt dont lie

Cuntbeaks

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #53 on: July 09, 2019, 01:09:11 AM »
I invented turning the box from a frozen pizza inside out to make a makeshift plate.

I invented putting the foam that the pizza sat on, in between the folded pizza box for added rigidity and carrying confidence.

Cerys

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #54 on: July 09, 2019, 01:19:13 AM »
I invented little tables for hamsters, but the pizza industry stole the idea so their boxes wouldn't get all cheesy.  I will avenge my poor deprived rodent buddies.  Just you see if I don't.

the

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #55 on: July 09, 2019, 01:30:29 AM »
I invented turning the box from a frozen pizza inside out to make a makeshift plate.

In a similar "things I clearly didn't invent but still suspect I did" fashion, I 'invented' reassembling blank VHS covers inside-out so you've got a clean canvas upon which to write the series of <SITCOM> you taped on it plus episode titles (having, of course, removed the erase tab).

INSERT RELEVANCE TO 21st CENTURY HERE

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #56 on: July 09, 2019, 07:16:09 AM »
I conjure up fusion food on a daily basis, only today I fused Mexican, French and Chinese culinary offerings together in a fajita, fucking tour de force of flavour. It could have been done before, but I created it live as it happened.

seepage

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Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #57 on: July 09, 2019, 09:24:51 AM »
If we're going back in time: aged three, I invented the concept of reactive armour, long before it was first seen in the field. Russian army owes me shitloads, I reckon.

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #58 on: July 09, 2019, 11:01:42 AM »
You're whiffing a bit but in 30 minutes you have to go on a hot date/ killing spree. No time for a shower!

what you need is ray travez's patent pit-stop pit wash. It's a long tube that comes out of the bathroom wall, with a suction attachment. You just jam it on your funky armpit, and it swooshes soap and water on it, then buffs it and finally dries it with a blast of hot air. A bit like a carwash for your pit. You're good to go in 30 seconds.

After that you take it south, and it sucks your cock. When that's done, you probably don't need to go on the date/ killing spree :)

Re: What is your greatest invention?
« Reply #59 on: July 09, 2019, 11:55:25 AM »
Wasn't the title from something SNG said, or did I dream that?

It was, yeah. He used the phrase somewhere and I DM'd him as follows:

Can I do a comic called Space Cunts about some useless cunts in space?

And he responded:

Of course :)

Didn't get around to it for ages.