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Jokes you need explaining to you

Started by solidified gruel merchant, July 05, 2019, 04:23:44 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

rasta-spouse

Quote from: Ambient Sheep on July 08, 2019, 09:10:37 PM
There's nothing to explain.  It's a deliberately-nonsensical non-joke.

That's insane. And it's a joke that exists in the public domain. Any idea on its origin?

I heard it years ago, and it's always puzzled me.

Sebastian Cobb

How do you make a duck sing?

Put it in a microwave until its Bill Withers.

Jockice

Quote from: Ambient Sheep on July 08, 2019, 03:42:11 PM
I'm also with you on this one.  If you'd written:

"shot straight into the top ten at number 37."

they'd have had a point (given it was a local paper), but the use of the full-stop:

"shot straight into the top ten. At number 37."

makes it clear as day that it's just a bit of absurdist humour.

Phew! But a local paper pop page wasn't really the best place for absurdist humour. As I discovered when Jive Bunny sued me.

Johnny Yesno

Quote from: Twed on July 08, 2019, 04:42:22 PM
I hate Shakespearian comedy.

"Oooh, country matters. Sounds like cunt doesn't it."

It's fine to enjoy that, if it's 1600. In 2019 you're only quoting it because you think the association with Shakespeare makes you look cultured. There's a special kind of fake laugh that accompanies jokes like that. It goes "pif piff piff pif piff pif piff piff!" and then the laugher dies.

Mark Lamarr did a nice variation on NMTB, which was along the lines of:

QuoteStuart Adamson was a Big Country member. And I do remember.

Johnny Yesno

Quote from: Ambient Sheep on July 08, 2019, 05:06:29 PM
   Q. What's the difference between a duck?
   A. One of its legs is both the same.

I remember that joke from school. I never did get it. Too young. Now, it looks broken. I can relate.

My favourite limerick off some Radio 4 doc about limericks:

QuoteThere once was a man from Melbourne,
Who was hit on the head with a wombat,
When asked if it hurt,
He said 'No, not much,
You can do it again if you like.'


kalowski

Quote from: Johnny Yesno on July 08, 2019, 10:28:30 PM
Mark Lamarr did a nice variation on NMTB, which was along the lines of:

Stephen Fry on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue:

Countryside: To murder Piers Morgan.

DrGreggles

Quote from: kalowski on July 08, 2019, 11:05:21 PM
Stephen Fry on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue:

Countryside: To murder Piers Morgan.

There was another Clue one where there was a definition of 'control' which was just a list of various unpopular people. (I think Piers Morgan made that too)

Andy147

I encountered the "countryside = to murder X" joke in a Jilly Cooper novel (of all places) well before Stephen Fry's version on ISIHAC, although in that case X was something like "a prostitute" or "your mistress".

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: kalowski on July 08, 2019, 11:05:21 PM
Stephen Fry on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue:

Countryside: To murder Piers Morgan.

Quite liked the Fred Macaulay version of that/

Mendicant Scottish repairman.

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: rasta-spouse on July 08, 2019, 09:17:23 PM
That's insane. And it's a joke that exists in the public domain. Any idea on its origin?

I heard it years ago, and it's always puzzled me.

Well according to this forum post, a man called (or with the handle of) Dave Lagergren claims to have invented it while mucking about in a Journalism class at school in Washington State in 1969.  God knows how true that is.

I first heard it from a schoolfriend in the late 70s (probably 1979).

If you Google the Question part of it (don't Google the Answer half as it seems to vary a bit) there seems to be a lot of internet discussion about it.

Maurice Yeatman

Quote from: All Surrogate on July 08, 2019, 08:56:12 PM
Julian and Sandy - Bona Seats

QuoteJulian:   Do you think he'd enjoy Così Fan Tutte?
Ken:   Mozart?
Sandy:   Please yourself, we only fix the seats.

Hard to get to the bottom of this [audience erupts].  Obviously there's a hint of "arse" in Mozart, but I can't work it out. If it's an obscure Polari pun, how does it get such a quick laugh?

I wonder if it's Feldman and Took amusing themselves by planting a non sequitur to see if the audience will react automatically because of the rhythm of the crosstalk.

JesusAndYourBush

Quote from: Johnny Yesno on July 08, 2019, 10:40:54 PM
I remember that joke from school. I never did get it. Too young. Now, it looks broken. I can relate.

Yes I remember it from school too.  Around 1979 is about the same year for me too, give or take.

Another joke from a similar time...

Why did the lion roar?
Because he wasn't cooked.

And another nun joke...

There was a power cut at the convent.
"Candles out, girls!" said the Mother Superior.
*SLURP*

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 09, 2019, 01:32:13 AMYes I remember it from school too.  Around 1979 is about the same year for me too, give or take.

Makes you wonder if it didn't get imported over here at that time by someone who'd heard it in the States, and then it got spread by a local radio DJ or something (in much the same way as Jasper Carrott allegedly imported the word "zit" for a bet around the same time).


Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 09, 2019, 01:32:13 AMAnd another nun joke...

There was a power cut at the convent.
"Candles out, girls!" said the Mother Superior.
*SLURP*

Hah, I'd forgotten that one... and yes the same lad told me that one as well.

McFlymo

Quote from: All Surrogate on July 08, 2019, 08:56:12 PM
Julian:   Do you think he'd enjoy Così Fan Tutte?
Ken:   Mozart?
Sandy:   Please yourself, we only fix the seats.

Is it something to do with "Cosy Fanny"?
Mozart: Moist arse?

It's a stretch, admittedly... In-your-endo... *


* made up my own nonsense / doesn't really work joke.

Twed

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 09, 2019, 01:32:13 AM
There was a power cut at the convent.
"Candles out, girls!" said the Mother Superior.
*SLURP*
I was unaware of this entire genre of joke.

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 09, 2019, 01:32:13 AM
Yes I remember it from school too.  Around 1979 is about the same year for me too, give or take.

I first read the "What's the difference between a duck?" joke in the Ha Ha Bonk Book, published 1982.



I'd assumed it originated there, but sounds like it goes back earlier.

I also had another joke book which contained this one which, as a kid, I thought was stupid and unfunny, but in hindsight was probably the best joke in the entire book:

Q: What's the difference between King Kong and a banana?
A: A banana is yellow.

FredNurke

Quote from: Maurice Yeatman on July 09, 2019, 01:29:56 AM


Hard to get to the bottom of this [audience erupts].  Obviously there's a hint of "arse" in Mozart, but I can't work it out. If it's an obscure Polari pun, how does it get such a quick laugh?

I wonder if it's Feldman and Took amusing themselves by planting a non sequitur to see if the audience will react automatically because of the rhythm of the crosstalk.

'Mozart and Liszt' is a lesser-used variant of rhyming slang 'Brahms and Liszt', so it could be that.

Cuellar

Quote from: BeardFaceMan on July 07, 2019, 08:24:13 AM
In Bottom,  when Richie tells his date "I'll be back in a mo... a sex mo." Still trying to work that one out.

Came here to ask this, and the explanation given below is threadbare.

kittens

he's just trying and failing to be sexy because he has no idea how. that's all it is. he says 'back in a mo' then thinks crap i'm meant to be being sexy to this lady! and says '...a sex mo!'. that can be all this joke is.

Autopsy Turvey

Quote from: Maurice Yeatman on July 09, 2019, 01:29:56 AM
Hard to get to the bottom of this [audience erupts].  Obviously there's a hint of "arse" in Mozart, but I can't work it out. If it's an obscure Polari pun, how does it get such a quick laugh?
I wonder if it's Feldman and Took amusing themselves by planting a non sequitur to see if the audience will react automatically because of the rhythm of the crosstalk.

Paul Merton has flagged this up, in his autobiography and an interview, as an example of that very phenomeon, noting that he laughed and only then realised that it didn't make sense as a joke. But it had the rhythm and delivery of a joke, so the audience thought they'd heard a joke and reacted generously. Fascinating weird experiment to throw out, but Kenneth Williams could get laughs from the phone book.

Cuellar

Quote from: kittens on July 09, 2019, 12:35:52 PM
he's just trying and failing to be sexy because he has no idea how. that's all it is. he says 'back in a mo' then thinks crap i'm meant to be being sexy to this lady! and says '...a sex mo!'. that can be all this joke is.

Hmmm

Quote from: kittens on July 09, 2019, 12:35:52 PM
he's just trying and failing to be sexy because he has no idea how. that's all it is. he says 'back in a mo' then thinks crap i'm meant to be being sexy to this lady! and says '...a sex mo!'. that can be all this joke is.

That's what I always thought it was too. Can't put any sort of saucy spin on "back in a mo" so makes it "a sex mo" to the mix to keep things sizzling. Admirable effort from the lad Richard Richard.

Pseudopath

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on July 08, 2019, 11:49:35 PM
Quite liked the Fred Macaulay version of that/

Mendicant Scottish repairman.

Ha ha! That's brilliant.

gib

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 09, 2019, 01:32:13 AMAnd another nun joke...

There was a power cut at the convent.
"Candles out, girls!" said the Mother Superior.
*SLURP*

The power cut is an unnecessary complication and was never in the version i know. 'Candles out' means 'put your candles out', presumably a standard thing for the Mother Suoerior to say at bedtime.

machotrouts

Two nuns in a bath. One nun says "where's the soap?". The other nun replies "shut the fuck up I'm wanking you stupid cunt. Fuck you"

studpuppet

Quote from: kittens on July 09, 2019, 12:35:52 PM
he's just trying and failing to be sexy because he has no idea how. that's all it is. he says 'back in a mo' then thinks crap i'm meant to be being sexy to this lady! and says '...a sex mo!'. that can be all this joke is.

I would have thought that the joke is that he's trying to suggest he's going to be back in a really short amount of time and for him sex = 'a really short amount of time'. Not realising that this will actually make him look worse to a woman he wants to have sex with is the joke, no?

studpuppet

This was a joke that my elder brother brought back from scout camp and at the age of twelve or so, I wasn't able to understand it at all.
It basically involved three supposedly virgin brides who wanted their new husbands to believe they were still virgo intacto. So they ask their mums for advice and they suggest inserting (in order of the bride's 'tightness') an elastic band, a bicycle inner tube, and a tractor tyre inner tube. For the first two the husbands feel resistance and a twang and ask, "What was that?" "Oh, just my virginity!" comes the reply. For the third bride there's an earsplitting THWACK and the sound like you make with a ruler on a table edge to simulate an arrow hitting a target. "WHAT WAS THAT?!" shrieks the husband. "Oh, just my virginity!" says the bride bursting with pride. "Well, go and bring it back - it just took my fucking balls with it!!!"

The thing I didn't understand was why you'd use an elastic band in the first place. Unless you have top and bottom hooks to stretch it over how would you make it twang? Surely a swimming cap or something else would be a better solution?

Cuellar

Quote from: studpuppet on July 09, 2019, 03:22:44 PM
I would have thought that the joke is that he's trying to suggest he's going to be back in a really short amount of time and for him sex = 'a really short amount of time'. Not realising that this will actually make him look worse to a woman he wants to have sex with is the joke, no?

Just done some research on this and apparently a sexmo was an ill-conceived follow up to the flymo

kittens

Quote from: studpuppet on July 09, 2019, 03:22:44 PM
I would have thought that the joke is that he's trying to suggest he's going to be back in a really short amount of time and for him sex = 'a really short amount of time'. Not realising that this will actually make him look worse to a woman he wants to have sex with is the joke, no?

this is certainly not the case.

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: kittens on July 09, 2019, 12:35:52 PM
he's just trying and failing to be sexy because he has no idea how. that's all it is. he says 'back in a mo' then thinks crap i'm meant to be being sexy to this lady! and says '...a sex mo!'. that can be all this joke is.

I just assumed it was this, but it could be the aptly-named studpuppet's explanation I suppose.