Author Topic: Mortgage advice  (Read 920 times)

Re: Mortgage advice
« Reply #30 on: July 10, 2019, 01:14:14 PM »
10 years?! why did you get such a long time period? who knows what is round the corner.

A 9pm visit from a sleepy building society man, if you haven’t taken my advice.

Re: Mortgage advice
« Reply #31 on: July 10, 2019, 01:54:16 PM »
Has anyone suggested simply not getting a mortgage, or just ditching your house if you do have one?

I don't plan on ever buying a house - that's for suckers, mate. Haven't you read the news? The apocalypse is coming, soon your house will be worthless and you'll be fighting dogs in the streets for scraps of untainted food. Untainted by anything but dog saliva that is.

Think of all the different apocalypse scenarios where all the time and effort spent on buying a house was worthless:
  • Biological warfare/Superbug/Deadly plague - Mass human death would mean there's way more houses than people. You won't be able to give it away.
  • Nuclear War - Your flimsy three bedroom house with a south-facing garden and glass conservatory won't stand up to an atom bomb. Especially that glass, that glass will go everywhere.
  • Climate change - Your house will be trashed once the looting starts. Even those tinned peaches will get eaten.
  • Impact event - imagine, you'd have spent days/weeks of your life thinking about mortgages and posting threads about mortgages only to be wreathed in fire and death in the blink of an eye.
  • Aliens - If they are good aliens they'll have advanced technology to make way better houses and human ones will become worthless. If they are bad aliens they'll kill or enslave humans and your house will become worthless.
  • Totalitarian government/Dystopia - You'll be sent to a camp just for posting on here and your house will be seized.
  • Bees - Bees.

Re: Mortgage advice
« Reply #32 on: July 10, 2019, 01:58:53 PM »
Oh, I forgot about AI takeover, in which case your house will own you.

Re: Mortgage advice
« Reply #33 on: July 10, 2019, 02:05:04 PM »
Has anyone suggested simply not getting a mortgage, or just ditching your house if you do have one?

I don't plan on ever buying a house - that's for suckers, mate. Haven't you read the news? The apocalypse is coming, soon your house will be worthless and you'll be fighting dogs in the streets for scraps of untainted food. Untainted by anything but dog saliva that is.

Think of all the different apocalypse scenarios where all the time and effort spent on buying a house was worthless:
  • Biological warfare/Superbug/Deadly plague - Mass human death would mean there's way more houses than people. You won't be able to give it away.
  • Nuclear War - Your flimsy three bedroom house with a south-facing garden and glass conservatory won't stand up to an atom bomb. Especially that glass, that glass will go everywhere.
  • Climate change - Your house will be trashed once the looting starts. Even those tinned peaches will get eaten.
  • Impact event - imagine, you'd have spent days/weeks of your life thinking about mortgages and posting threads about mortgages only to be wreathed in fire and death in the blink of an eye.
  • Aliens - If they are good aliens they'll have advanced technology to make way better houses and human ones will become worthless. If they are bad aliens they'll kill or enslave humans and your house will become worthless.
  • Totalitarian government/Dystopia - You'll be sent to a camp just for posting on here and your house will be seized.
  • Bees - Bees.

Squatting in residential properties is now a criminal offence, but it is still legal to squat in commercial properties, bust into something that's been repossessed by a foreign bank and THEY CAN'T TOUCH YOU.

Re: Mortgage advice
« Reply #34 on: July 12, 2019, 04:41:41 PM »
Oh, I forgot about AI takeover, in which case your house will own you.

I thought that was in Soviet Russia.