Author Topic: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots  (Read 1926 times)

alan nagsworth

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Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« on: July 12, 2019, 12:20:07 PM »
“I’m broad, I’m broad, I’m broader than broadway.”

Idiot. Get off the stage, fuck off.

Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2019, 12:50:52 PM »
Not as stupid as "Extra size, extra size, extra sizer than sizeway"

alan nagsworth

  • meat suite marathon!
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2019, 12:51:58 PM »
I’m safe, I’m safe, I’m safer than Safeway

buttgammon

  • You can't trust a man what's made of gas
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2019, 01:09:03 PM »
"She said the lift doesn't work, run up the stairs and come" - surely it'd be obvious if the lift was out of order?

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2019, 01:12:21 PM »
And how mat your mattress this morning sir and how mattress mattress? 
this day sir how mattress mattress my friend sir, how mat your mattress? 
sir how mattress mattress my friend sir and how morning mattress this day? 
sir how mattress mattress my friend? 
sir how morning mattress my friend, sir how mat your mattress my friend?
And how mattress mattress my friend sir and how mat your morning my friend?

How mattress morning my friend?

How mat your mattress my friend?

Dr Rock

  • The BEST of luck!
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2019, 06:05:47 PM »
'I'm a cowboy. On a steel horse I ride. I'm wanted, dead or alive.'

Now none of that is true is it Mr Jon Bon Jovi?

Crabwalk

  • Member
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  • I behaved like a skinhead.
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2019, 06:24:24 PM »
I want him dead so one bit is true.

alan nagsworth

  • meat suite marathon!
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2019, 06:30:28 PM »
mate a horse made of steel? come on

easytarget

  • five gas lighters for a pound
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2019, 06:30:42 PM »
"I got ham but I'm not a hamster"

alan nagsworth

  • meat suite marathon!
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2019, 06:36:47 PM »
Some really fucking stupid lyrics from metal bands over the years. Children of Bodom stuff always gets a rise out of me:

Quote
In the silence of darkness, among the shadows of the dead we hear
And a wolf howling hungry to wake up children of the graves
(Unripe vengeance!) The cult that serves as revenge
Has put forward its fangs to declare a fucking war (war)
Only calmless spirits of corpses are passing by
The altars of Bodom where everything but death is a lie (death is a lie)
To spill your blood to become our wine
We'll reborn reality where only the wild will survive (wild survived)
The clash of wickedness veils lake Bodom blood red
We have gathered our souls to praise the triumph of death
Children Of Bodom, angry are rising
Running amok slaying with a sense of desire
From the twilight of the past, (among) the victims who died
Something wild has survived
Only calmless spirits (of corpses) are passing by
The altars of Bodom where everything but death is a lie
To spill your blood to become our wine
(We'll reborn reality where only the) wild will survive
(This is something dark, I find your fears
We have gathered our dark souls to embrace the righteous pull of death
You'll obey the dark
You'll become one of us
Taitors)
Children Of Bodom, angry are rising
Running amok slaying with a sense of desire
From the twilight of the past, (among) the victims who died
Something wild has survived

I love the bit in the first verse where he says "everything but death is a lie" and the backing vocal is like "nah mate, death is a lie".

Also obvs not lyrical amusement, but this typo properly made me laugh:

Quote
Taitors



WOTS TAITORS PRECIOUS

hillbillyholiday

  • new huffing of the gossamer
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2019, 06:51:05 PM »
Some belters from "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None The Richer
Quote
*Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
*Kiss me down by the broken tree house
*We'll take the trail marked on your father's map
*Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance
*Kiss me out of the bearded barley

A contender for the worst tune, worst-named band, and worstest lyrics of all time.
Can't bring myself to watch the video, but dollars to dumplings it'll have the visual appeal of a commercial for a "trendy" Christian teen cult directed by Jack Vettriano.



(Writing this, it suddenly strikes me that the song could well be a hymn to the old cunnilinctus. Still dogshit though.)

Absorb the anus burn

  • I'll serve raw potatoes at my summer party
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #11 on: July 12, 2019, 06:54:33 PM »
"Bang goes another year.... In and out of one ear."

purlieu

  • Woo-hoo, Lord Nimon!
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #12 on: July 12, 2019, 06:57:18 PM »
Some really fucking stupid lyrics from metal bands over the years. Children of Bodom stuff always gets a rise out of me:
It's really, really, really, really hard to write serious 'dark' lyrics without coming across like an utter prat. I love it when someone mixes up various 'dark' imagery to make some sort of ultimate, uber-scary lyric. "And a wolf howling hungry to wake up children of the graves" is superb. Not only are there child corpses, but there's a wolf! A fucking wolf, mate. Howling. And hungry! Off to eat some flesh. Some evil flesh no doubt. Once it's woken up those dead kids.

The Coral often had some pretty bleak lyrics, but I could never work out of those for 'Cripples Crown' were tongue-in-cheek or not.
Quote
Unopened door
On the 13th floor
Conspiracy in the corridors

I'll take you down
Down to cripples crown

What should you say?
What can you do?
Satellites are watching you

I'll take you down
Down to cripples crown
I'll take you down
Down to cripples crown

At this dark hour
Who'll be there?

Open the door
If you dare
Venus fly trap on the stairs

I'll take you down
Down to cripples crown

There'll be no time
There'll be no tears
The elevator disappears

I'll take you down
Down to cripples crown
I'll take you down
Down to cripples crown
It's like he's trying to summon up some insidiously sinister goings on, but it never quite goes further than opening a door and finding a venus fly trap.

Oh, and of course:
Quote
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Take a of lot fixing Chris, I've just been burned from the skeleton outwards.

Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #13 on: July 12, 2019, 07:05:54 PM »

(Writing this, it suddenly strikes me that the song could well be a hymn to the old cunnilinctus. Still dogshit though.)

Broken tree house? Never heard it called that before! Ha ha

hillbillyholiday

  • new huffing of the gossamer
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #14 on: July 12, 2019, 07:51:27 PM »
Broken tree house? Never heard it called that before! Ha ha

Transformer offers some intriguing alternatives:

Quote

*Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
*Kiss me down by the broken tree house
*We'll take the trail marked on your father's map
*Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance
*Kiss me out of the bearded barley


*Curry me a potato in the sizzlehouse
*Holler for the dogs through the ditches
*Kiss me up the chimneypipe on the balcony
*Rinse me out by the lake of the drowned princess
*Kiss me in the slums, and say you're mine

Maurice Yeatman

  • His Reverence won't like it
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #15 on: July 12, 2019, 08:20:51 PM »
Quote
*Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
*Kiss me down by the broken tree house
*We'll take the trail marked on your father's map
*Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance
*Kiss me out of the bearded barley

*Lez jug it's tuggytime

Twed

  • I need you so, Medieval Zone, you don't need me
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #16 on: July 12, 2019, 08:32:43 PM »
Quote
This is an anthem for the girl that got away
This is an anthem for the war of yesterday
This is an anthem for the rebel of my youth
This is an anthem for the risk of loving you

hillbillyholiday

  • new huffing of the gossamer
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #17 on: July 12, 2019, 11:37:37 PM »
Deep Blue ... Something

Quote
And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?" She said, "I think I remember the film and as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it," and I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."


Chriddof

  • Things start to happen!

Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #19 on: July 13, 2019, 01:36:12 AM »
Alexander the Great by Iron Maiden.  I've never actually listened to the song, but the lyric reads like notes taken during a history lesson.


Near to the east
In a part of ancient Greece
In an ancient land called Macedonia
Was born a son
To Philip of Macedon
The legend his name was Alexander

At the age of nineteen
He became the Macedon King
And he swore to free all of Asia Minor
By the Aegian Sea
In 334 B.C.
He utterly beat the armies of Persia

[Chorus:]
Alexander the Great
His name struck fear into hearts of men
Alexander the Great
Became a legend 'mongst mortal men

King Darius the third
Defeated fled Persia
The Scythians fell by the river Jaxartes
Then Egypt fell to the Macedon King as well
And he founded the city called Alexandria

By the Tigris river
He met King Darius again
And crushed him again in the battle of Arbela
Entering Babylon
And Susa, treasures he found
Took Persepolis the capital of Persia

[Chorus:]
Alexander the Great
His name struck fear into hearts of men
Alexander the Great
Became a God amongst mortal men

A Phrygian King had bound a chariot yoke
And Alexander cut the 'Gordian knot'
And legend said that who untied the knot
He would become the master of Asia

Hellenism he spread far and wide
The Macedonian learned mind
Their culture was a western way of life
He paved the way for Christianity

Marching on, marching on
The battle weary marching side by side
Alexander's army line by line
They wouldn't follow him to India
Tired of the combat, pain and the glory

Alexander the Great
His name struck fear into hearts of men
Alexander the Great
He died of fever in Babylon

samadriel

  • WHA' HAPPEN?
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #20 on: July 13, 2019, 07:51:07 AM »
It's really, really, really, really hard to write serious 'dark' lyrics without coming across like an utter prat. I love it when someone mixes up various 'dark' imagery to make some sort of ultimate, uber-scary lyric. "And a wolf howling hungry to wake up children of the graves" is superb. Not only are there child corpses, but there's a wolf! A fucking wolf, mate. Howling. And hungry! Off to eat some flesh. Some evil flesh no doubt. Once it's woken up those dead kids.

Reading out Cannibal Corpse lyrics in John Cleese's voice is a delight.

Meathook Sodomy:
Butchery my meat hooks sharpened to penetrate
Emasculate, gouging crotches I will eat
Hung upside down, holes punctured through half chewed
Gristle, debauchery with dead bodies, turning green
Upheaveal of human entrails
Deterioration of grated genitals, dangling from the hooks
Obscene feelings deep inside me
Dislocating, separating a blood
Drenched body
Begin the anal grounting
Awaiting insertion, to rip out intestine
Bodily destruction
Vulgar molestation
Treachery never ending soul ripping
Lifeless Bodies not, petrified
Cloggins veins
Presure building
Scabbing clotted sores dehydrate
Condemned to life of obscurity
Dismal dimensions of my being, I explore my thoughts through murder
Devoting my life to mutilation
Screams of blood saturate, grubs feed on dilapidated
Stumps, darkness overshadowing the killing
Eyes now dialate
Bodies disintegrate
Razor sharp hooks implanted in your rectum
Splitting bodies, spilling guts on the ground
Sodomizing living beings with my utensils
Stabbing on your life stripped of all your skin
Disgusting to the world
Beauty to my eyes
The body lying naked, discharging my infection
Invigorating while I kill, intoxicating
Invoking suffering on human beings
Grinding orifices my only therapy
Sculpting gore
Muscle tissue
Reshaping
Mounds of flesh, deformation
Skulls of victims stacked like trophies
Bleeding from your arse sudden blood ejection


"Condemned to life of obscurity"?  Oh no!

Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #21 on: July 13, 2019, 09:05:43 AM »

Meathook Sodomy:
Butchery my meat hooks sharpened to penetrate
Emasculate, gouging crotches I will eat
Hung upside down, holes punctured through half chewed
Gristle, debauchery with dead bodies, turning green
Upheaveal of human entrails
Deterioration of grated genitals, dangling from the hooks
Obscene feelings deep inside me
Dislocating, separating a blood
Drenched body
Begin the anal grounting
Awaiting insertion, to rip out intestine
Bodily destruction
Vulgar molestation
Treachery never ending soul ripping
Lifeless Bodies not, petrified
Cloggins veins
Presure building
Scabbing clotted sores dehydrate
Condemned to life of obscurity
Dismal dimensions of my being, I explore my thoughts through murder
Devoting my life to mutilation
Screams of blood saturate, grubs feed on dilapidated
Stumps, darkness overshadowing the killing
Eyes now dialate
Bodies disintegrate
Razor sharp hooks implanted in your rectum
Splitting bodies, spilling guts on the ground
Sodomizing living beings with my utensils
Stabbing on your life stripped of all your skin
Disgusting to the world
Beauty to my eyes
The body lying naked, discharging my infection
Invigorating while I kill, intoxicating
Invoking suffering on human beings
Grinding orifices my only therapy
Sculpting gore
Muscle tissue
Reshaping
Mounds of flesh, deformation
Skulls of victims stacked like trophies
Bleeding from your arse sudden blood ejection



& you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Inspector Norse

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Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #22 on: July 13, 2019, 09:23:37 AM »

JesusAndYourBush

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Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #23 on: July 13, 2019, 12:23:47 PM »
mate a horse made of steel? come on

Probably a "clever" metaphor for a car.
'I'm a cowboy. I ride in a car. I'm wanted, dead or in a jar.'


Some really fucking stupid lyrics from metal bands over the years. Children of Bodom stuff always gets a rise out of me:

For YEARS (well into the internet era) I assumed their name was Children Of Sodom ... because I only ever saw the name written in that fancy font on the album covers ... and death metal bands have names like that.  It seemed more plausible than some word I'd never heard of.  Once I learned what Bodom was their name becomes mundane, and not a name befitting a death metal band.

Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #24 on: July 13, 2019, 01:27:17 PM »
The worst piece of shit lyrics ever are Bed Of Roses by Bon Jovi:
Sitting here wasted and wounded
At this old piano
Trying hard to capture
The moment this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle of vodka
Is still lodged in my head
And some blonde gave me nightmares
I think that she's still in my bed
As I dream about movies
They won't make of me when I'm dead
With an ironclad fist
I wake up and french kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
Its own beat in my head
While we're talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and what you mean to me
And the truth is, baby you're all that I need
I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
Oh, I wanna be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses

Captain Crunch

  • Twister, Dustbuster, Hospital Bed
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #25 on: July 13, 2019, 02:39:17 PM »
Fly
On your wings
Like an eagle
Fly as high
Touch the sun

Or whatever you get the idea.  Shit.

grassbath

  • In love we're all the same
Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #26 on: July 13, 2019, 03:08:27 PM »
As I crossed the river for the final time
I counted down the days
Remaining of my liberty
My turn in the sun's rays

The dark, ungainly majesty
Of water in the early hours
Reflected lights and music
Smooth surfaces of power

Have led me down the mainstream
That opens onto every sea
Grown frictionless with money
We are bought and sold as we please

So let there be no clock or currency
All time is still my right
And the ear hears ancient frequencies
When you walk around here at night.

Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #27 on: July 13, 2019, 03:23:18 PM »
The worst piece of shit lyrics ever are Bed Of Roses by Bon Jovi:
Sitting here wasted and wounded
At this old piano
Trying hard to capture
The moment this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle of vodka
Is still lodged in my head
And some blonde gave me nightmares
I think that she's still in my bed
As I dream about movies
They won't make of me when I'm dead
With an ironclad fist
I wake up and french kiss the morning

While some marching band keeps
Its own beat in my head
While we're talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and what you mean to me
And the truth is, baby you're all that I need
I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
Oh, I wanna be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses

I was going to post this myself. The bolded part in particular may be the absolute worst two lines in the history of Western civilization. (Though I really don't know what one could reasonably expect from a guy with a vodka bottle lodged in his head.)

Inspector Norse

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Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #28 on: July 13, 2019, 03:36:04 PM »
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the lyrical ouevre of White Lion.

He could barely remember
When the fighting began
It was early September
When he lost his old man
Soon the time came to leave there
And to start a new life
How it seems so unfair
When they gave him a gun and a knife

So he fights with a gun in his hand
For what reason he can't understand
Fights with a gun in his hand
For the freedom of the land

Can you hear the crying out
All the people in El Salvador
Can you hear a distant shout
From the people in El Salvador
Cross your heart and hope to die
For the people in El Salvador
Still they kill not knowing why
All the people in El Salvador

As he stares at the ceiling
He thinks back quite a ways
It was him that was feeling
Tellin' you those were the days
As he stares at a white dove
Tears fall down on his face
An then once filled with love that only God his self can replace
Can you hear them cry?
Can you see them die?
Can you tell me why? Oh no
See them die, hear them cry, tell me why

Re: Stupid fucking lyrics by idiots
« Reply #29 on: July 13, 2019, 03:36:17 PM »
Deep Blue ... Something

Quote
And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?" She said, "I think I remember the film and as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it," and I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

Oh shit. I always thought he was singing "The book kinda hides it" (referring to the Truman Capote novella upon which the movie is based).