Utter cults

[Alberon]

I was wandering around the post-apocalyptic hellscape that is Reading town centre this morning when I chanced upon a jive band promoting an anti-drug charity. Seemed worthy, if dull.

But on looking a little closer I saw it was a band called the Jive Aces. Some dim light came on in a diseased corner of my mind. A quick prayer to the dark god Google revealed I was right. The Jive Aces are all Scientologists and the drug charity is really a disguised recruitment centre for the cult.

They've been in retreat in recent years, but they're still going and they're not the only cult out there. I've argued with Scientologists online for decades. Their blatant attempt to flood the Channel 4 message board to stop a documentary on them was my first taste of their dead agenting tactics.

Anyone else had a run in with them or other cults? Apart from the CaB cult, of course.

[bgmnts]

Did you out them?

[a duncandisorderly]

I bought an arcade fire album once. I'm alright though- binned it.

[Shit Good Nose]

I've seen Stanley Clarke and Chick Corea live a couple of times.  Both scientologists (although Clarke doesn't seem to like to admit to it), and most of Return to Forever's stuff is about scientology.  Still love 'em, though.

I also live in an area where the JWs are still quite prominent, was raised in Brislington (in Bristol) where the Plymouth Brethren used to have their world HQ, and the Mormons regularly appear in Bath centre trying to sign people up.  They're all effectively cults aren't they?

[Danger Man]

Islam is a sun-worshipping cult that has really forgotten its roots.

[Alberon]

Did you out them?

I was with my wife who wouldn't have been happy if I'd started provoking them. I settled for explaining to her, fairly loudly, how they were Scientologists and a front organisation.

I've always been fascinated by the cult. Invented by a hack SF author as a way to make money it was taken over by the true believers after Hubbard's death. In the latest Popbitch they suggest Simon Pegg has been drawn into the celebrity version by Tom Cruise. Celebrities are treated very differently by the cult, but they still make sure to learn all your secrets to control you if necessary.

[non capisco]

I've noticed the Scientologists that stand about outside their Central London HQ near Goodge Street station getting more aggressive with their attempts at luring the public. Before it was just one, maybe two of Xenu's barmy army half-heartedly wafting a leaflet about dianetics at you and a crappy little chalkboard advertising some film they'd show you if you went inside, presumably 'Battlefield Earth' or 'Saturday Night Fever' if you were lucky. The last few weeks they've been leaping in my way like the worst kind of charity mugger, screeching about eradicating my sadness with their mumbo jumbo bullshit that was famously and provably made up for a bet by a known conman. Go on then mate, eradicate my sadness. On the spot, here. I'm not coming into your shop. Do it here on the pavement if you're so cocky about it. I suppose it doesn't help that I've got what could charitably be described as a morose face a lot of the time so I seem to have become catnip for these woo woo wazzocks. I have to walk past their daft little lair twice a day five days a week to get to and from work. Starting to get sick of their false promises. "We can make you less nervous." Not by suddenly springing into my path like a delusional lamb that believes in space aliens with dreadlocks you won't, mate. You made me MORE nervous if anything. Stick your e-meter up your hoop.

I saw two of them them pushing an old Chinese man inside yesterday. If he's stood outside there on Monday telling me he can make me less shy then I'm calling the police.

[Sin Agog]

Apparently I've shared the same space as L. Ron as a pre-one year old baby.  The New Scientistologists had a book-shop opposite my dad's juggling shop in London, and he happened to be visiting not long before he died.  They tried to do a number on my mum (maybe she looked more vulnerable with a little me cradled in her arms), but she's a Pearly Queen cockney type so it wasn't sticking.  Ironically, my dad did later get invested enough to do their wooden lie detector memory box thing.

[a duncandisorderly]

I've noticed the Scientologists that stand about outside their Central London HQ near Goodge Street station...

they're still there? how the fuck do they afford the business rates in W1? are they getting a deal as a charity or religion or summat? fuckers.

[non capisco]

are they getting a deal as a charity or religion or summat?

Exactly this, I'm afraid.

[Inspector Norse]

In the latest Popbitch they suggest Simon Pegg has been drawn into the celebrity version by Tom Cruise.

Don't know about that, but this is from a Guardian interview, July 2018:

"I have never discussed [Cruise's] beliefs with him, for example," Pegg says. "Everyone always asks: 'Did he try and convert you? Is it all Scientology?' But I've never seen that. I have glimpsed it a little bit – people from the church have been on set now and again, but he doesn't proselytise about it."
He smiles: "Obviously part of me wants to go: 'What the fuck is that all about?'"

[imitationleather]

Don't know about that, but this is from a Guardian interview, July 2018:

I guess as one last throw of the dice to keep his career going it's worth a shot.

[The Culture Bunker]

I also live in an area where the JWs are still quite prominent, was raised in Brislington (in Bristol) where the Plymouth Brethren used to have their world HQ, and the Mormons regularly appear in Bath centre trying to sign people up.  They're all effectively cults aren't they?

The JoBo bods you get in Manchester (and presumably elsewhere) do unsettle me a bit, hanging around St Peter's Square, outside Oxford Rd station and Picadilly, never trying to talk to you, just stood there by their board saying something like "does life have meaning?" and offering some booklet to any curious sorts.

I suspect at some point, they'll get the word and go on some bloody rampage in an effort to bring about the apocalypse. Still, at least they don't knock on doors round my way.

[Icehaven]

The JoBo bods you get in Manchester (and presumably elsewhere) do unsettle me a bit, hanging around St Peter's Square, outside Oxford Rd station and Picadilly, never trying to talk to you, just stood there by their board saying something like "does life have meaning?" and offering some booklet to any curious sorts.

I suspect at some point, they'll get the word and go on some bloody rampage in an effort to bring about the apocalypse. Still, at least they don't knock on doors round my way.

I'm sure I read somewhere that every JW has to complete a 2 year ''mission'' (aka recruitment), which used to be going round knocking on doors, but they either aren't allowed or decided not to do that anymore (i.e. they got sick of being told to f*** off) but still have to fulfil their mission phase, which now involves loitering on high streets by those stands. For 2 years.

Edit; I may have it slightly wrong, they have to do a certain number of hours proselytising per year. This article explains it.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jul/14/jehovahs-witnesses-evangelism-church-god-armageddon

"Knocking on doors has long been immensely unpopular [among JWs]. No one likes doing it. It's embarrassing, you get rebuffed, often you'd just pretend to ring the doorbell. But with these carts, you can just stand there, not doing anything and not talking to anyone, just logging your hours."

So they're about as enthusiastic about actively recruiting the general public as the general public is for being recruited. Praise be!

[Funcrusher]

Very envious that you got to see The Jive Aces. I've been quite fascinated by Scientology for years now. Disturbing news about Pegg if true, I will watch with interest.

The Jive Aces in action:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2Ttrk3RliE

[phes]

I don't think there's any truth in that stuff about Pegg. He's a Cruise apologist, for sure, but not a Scientologist. Just a massive pratt

[Funcrusher]

As far as JWs go, I've watched a bunch of videos on the YouTube John Cedars channel made by an activist former JW which are fascinating. The one that went crazy viral recently was footage of a very senior JW 'elder' seen buying a trolley load of expensive whisky on a Sunday.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bbuNsxWkDo&t=13s

[Cuellar]

Don't mind the JWs standing around with their 'Will suffering end?' boards and leaflets. Harmless enough.

Was browsing some books outside a shop about a year ago and some young women came up to me and introduced themselves. I thought ho ho still got it: Mormons though wasn't it?

Had a nice chat. They seemed earnest enough and pleasant enough. I put a few badly formed thoughts on divinity to them and they answered gamely. They seemed to enjoy themselves and suggested we meet up to chat further. 7/10, would be spoken at again. (I didn't meet up with them)

[The Culture Bunker]

I was approached by a couple of Mormons (cliched ones: young, blonde, American, dressed in shirts and ties complete with clip-on name badges) on a bus once. Given the bus was leaving Irlam to head through Eccles back to Manchester at around 11pm, I did admire their bravery.

[jobotic]

Worked with two JoHos (as we called them at school). Both really nice people - one was from Iran where I would imagine its hard to get up to that kind of caper, twenty years ago or so. But on the two times I discussed their faith with them (separately)they turned into automatons, and almost said exactly the same thing word for word. And when I expressed admiration for JW's refusal to acknowledge Hitler as the Fuhrer and subsequent murders they were quite odd about being placed in the same category as Jews.

[Funcrusher]

I only found out by watching John Cedars that JWs beliefs include believing that when Jesus comes back, which is imminent, it will be an armageddon in which everyone who isn't a JW will be destroyed.

[jobotic]

There's also limited seating in Heaven so I don't think they can all make it either.

[Icehaven]

The one that went crazy viral recently was footage of a very senior JW 'elder' seen buying a trolley load of expensive whisky on a Sunday.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bbuNsxWkDo&t=13s

See I always think this about these incredibly prohibitive religions, and the Amish etc. Behind closed doors, how many of them reeeally stick to the letter, day in day out, for their whole lives? Particularly the senior ones who have way more resources and power than the lower echelons. Bishop Brennan's son and all that.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Not quite a 'cult' but someone on my facebook posted a local 'scam' where some (bhuddist, I think) monks come up to you, slap some beads round your arm, give you a pamphlet then bless you and demand some money for the service.

This happened to me a while back and I foiled their dastardly scheme by saying 'I haven't got any money mate', to which they had the beads off my arm and the pamphlet out my hand quicker than they'd put them there and fucked off in disgust.

[The Lurker]

I lived in Sunderland for a few years and, oddly enough, there's a Church of Scientology in the city centre.

I was once approached by a woman offering me a free ticket to watch a film at their church, I took it (not sure why) and as I walked away she said "did you know we only use one third of our brain?" and when I said "err, no?", she said something about how this film will help me use 100% of my brain or something along those lines. When she spoke to me, she did genuinely sound as though she was brainwashed.

I never went to see the film, in case you were wondering.

[studpuppet]

I don't think there's any truth in that stuff about Pegg. He's a Cruise apologist, for sure, but not a Scientologist. Just a massive pratt

[Puce Moment]

Stayed on an Island for a week with a cult that has since been outed. Jesus, I must have told this story more than once on CaB.

[Head Gardener]

anti-gay priest got the shove in Brazil yesterday

[bgmnts]

Don't mind the JWs standing around with their 'Will suffering end?' boards and leaflets. Harmless enough.

Was browsing some books outside a shop about a year ago and some young women came up to me and introduced themselves. I thought ho ho still got it: Mormons though wasn't it?

Had a nice chat. They seemed earnest enough and pleasant enough. I put a few badly formed thoughts on divinity to them and they answered gamely. They seemed to enjoy themselves and suggested we meet up to chat further. 7/10, would be spoken at again. (I didn't meet up with them)

Imagine if one them did actually fancy you and you ended up seducing her and got her out of that Mormon bliss into the big horrible secular world. That would have been ace.

[St_Eddie]

The Jive Aces in action:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2Ttrk3RliE