Author Topic: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes (Read 6901 times)

Tombola · « **on:** July 13, 2019, 11:11:37 PM »

The first time I listened to American Idiot by Green Day, I thought it didn't flow very well. I had it on shuffle.

Go.

Pearly-Dewdrops Drops · « **Reply #1 on:** July 13, 2019, 11:15:54 PM »

Has anyone here ever been to a Waffle House at 2 a.m. in the morning?

They serve great waffles.

Great White Ape · « **Reply #2 on:** July 14, 2019, 02:31:43 AM »

I said to the pharmacist, "Can I have some sleeping pills?" She said, "Why?" I said, "I keep waking up."

bgmnts · « **Reply #3 on:** July 14, 2019, 02:55:42 AM »

Knock knock
Who's there?
Its post.
Post who?
Postman, sir.
Alright cheers.

McFlymo · « **Reply #4 on:** July 14, 2019, 03:17:49 AM »

Garlic bread.... Garlic. Bread.

TheMonk · « **Reply #5 on:** July 14, 2019, 03:58:34 AM »

I went to the butchers and said “Have you got any lamb?”
He said “Of course Sir, how much are you after?”

Small Man Big Horse · « **Reply #6 on:** July 14, 2019, 04:22:00 AM »

Quote from: TheMonk on July 14, 2019, 03:58:34 AM

I went to the butchers and said “Have you got any lamb?”
He said “Of course Sir, how much are you after?”

I went to the butcher and guess what he told me?
Guess what he told me?
He said girl you better try to have fun
No matter what you do, but he's a fool
Last time I try to buy a pork pie from him, I can tell you.

Phoenix Lazarus · « **Reply #7 on:** July 14, 2019, 06:38:31 AM »

'I'm going to India,' said a friend. 'What should I take for rabies?' My eye fell on a stray dog, salivating heavily.

'Anti-rabies jab,' I said. 'Ask your doc.'
'

zomgmouse · « **Reply #8 on:** July 14, 2019, 07:23:07 AM »

I'm in bed right now..... and I have a blanket!

Jockice · « **Reply #9 on:** July 14, 2019, 08:43:55 AM »

I'm not saying my wife's fat. Because I'm not married

DrGreggles · « **Reply #10 on:** July 14, 2019, 09:05:48 AM »

I walked into a pub yesterday and there was a horse behind the bar.
It was a photo of Red Rum. I was in Newmarket.
Apparently lots of pubs in Newmarket are similarly horse-heavy on the decor front.

NoSleep · « **Reply #11 on:** July 14, 2019, 09:25:04 AM »

I was walking out of my house the other day, then turned left and went to the shops.

Bobloblawslawbomb · « **Reply #12 on:** July 14, 2019, 10:54:04 AM »

I had to get the bus to work today........and then I got off the bus!

Mr Banlon · « **Reply #13 on:** July 14, 2019, 11:06:56 AM »

A beggar asked me for 20p for a cup of tea.
I said, "Here's 40p, bring me back one."
He brought me back a cup of tea. (There was a food truck round the corner that gave discounts to the homeless)

alan nagsworth · « **Reply #14 on:** July 14, 2019, 11:56:04 AM »

I rang the bell and then I got off the bus.

icehaven · « **Reply #15 on:** July 14, 2019, 12:00:33 PM »

A man walked in, sat down at a computer, collapsed and had an epileptic fit, then got up and left.

Imperator Helvetica · « **Reply #16 on:** July 14, 2019, 12:18:37 PM »

I went to the Doctor complaining about experiencing a perpetual sense of dread with moments of extreme anxiety.
He said, 'Here's a prescription for 50mg of Sertraline and I'll get someone from a talking therapy service to ring and make an appointment.'

Gregory Torso · « **Reply #17 on:** July 14, 2019, 12:26:36 PM »

Do you remember when you were at school and the kids, they all had those pokemon cards, and there'd be, ooh, there'd be some really nasty competitions going on, and , and sometimes, you'd get a Charizard, there was one, do you remember? Was it silver? Charizard, the dragon. Remember him? He was the one all the kids wanted to get because, you'd just, you'd deck anyone with Char... Charizard. I wonder what kids have now? Last time I heard it was those, those spinning things, I forgot what they're called. Pokemon, eh? Pocket monsters, it meant.

Mr Faineant · « **Reply #18 on:** July 14, 2019, 12:38:05 PM »

There was an Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman. The Irish one was thick as pig shit.

Phoenix Lazarus · « **Reply #19 on:** July 14, 2019, 12:49:09 PM »

It was hard standing all day to work. Then they took on a gay fellow. He let us sit-great boss!

druss · « **Reply #20 on:** July 14, 2019, 12:55:02 PM »

I once had an ice cream on a cold day. It was winter!

Brundle-Fly · « **Reply #21 on:** July 14, 2019, 01:08:42 PM »

What's the deal with airport security? It's a necessary procedure to protect passengers, staff, aircraft, and airport property from accidental/malicious harm, crime, and other threats. Go figure?

gatchamandave · « **Reply #22 on:** July 14, 2019, 01:11:03 PM »

Welcome aboard my taxi. On until teatime and been run off my feet, thanks. No, your the first person to ask, sir

BlodwynPig · « **Reply #23 on:** July 14, 2019, 01:56:16 PM »

An Englishman, An Irishman and A Scottishman meet up to discuss the funeral arrangements of A Welshman friend.

zomgmouse · « **Reply #24 on:** July 14, 2019, 02:34:04 PM »

I'm cold and my back hurts

Pearly-Dewdrops Drops · « **Reply #25 on:** July 14, 2019, 03:20:57 PM »

Take my wife! She's an example of one of millions of people who are fans of the popular Netflix series Stranger Things.

mjwilson · « **Reply #26 on:** July 14, 2019, 03:21:40 PM »

I have fond memories of the day before my 29th birthday.
I was 28 at the time.

Voltan (Man of Steel) · « **Reply #27 on:** July 14, 2019, 04:13:06 PM »

Quote from: TheMonk on July 14, 2019, 03:58:34 AM

I went to the butchers and said “Have you got any lamb?”
He said “Of course Sir, how much are you after?”

I went to the butcher and asked “Have you got a sheep’s head?”
He said “No, ~~it’s the way I part my hair~~ there’s no call for them nowadays so there would be little point in stocking them.”

lankyguy95 · « **Reply #28 on:** July 14, 2019, 08:48:50 PM »

Amanda Holden has famously had extensive Botox.

Liable to produce headaches and nausea, Botox is a neurotoxic protein.

Replies From View · « **Reply #29 on:** July 14, 2019, 09:41:49 PM »

Went to the chemists.

Bought some elastoplasts.

News:

Author Topic: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes (Read 6901 times)