Author Topic: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes  (Read 4646 times)

Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« on: July 13, 2019, 11:11:37 PM »
The first time I listened to American Idiot by Green Day, I thought it didn't flow very well. I had it on shuffle.

Go.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2019, 11:15:54 PM »
Has anyone here ever been to a Waffle House at 2 a.m. in the morning?

They serve great waffles.

Great White Ape

  • I want it! It's everything!
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2019, 02:31:43 AM »
I said to the pharmacist, "Can I have some sleeping pills?" She said, "Why?" I said, "I keep waking up."

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2019, 02:55:42 AM »
Knock knock
Who's there?
Its post.
Post who?
Postman, sir.
Alright cheers.

McFlymo

  • Pre-"Post Reply" Anxiety
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2019, 03:17:49 AM »
Garlic bread.... Garlic. Bread.

TheMonk

  • Hello folks
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2019, 03:58:34 AM »
I went to the butchers and said “Have you got any lamb?”
He said “Of course Sir, how much are you after?”

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2019, 04:22:00 AM »
I went to the butchers and said “Have you got any lamb?”
He said “Of course Sir, how much are you after?”

I went to the butcher and guess what he told me?
Guess what he told me?
He said girl you better try to have fun
No matter what you do, but he's a fool
Last time I try to buy a pork pie from him, I can tell you.

Phoenix Lazarus

  • Why bother writing stuff below your avatar?
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2019, 06:38:31 AM »
'I'm going to India,' said a friend.  'What should I take for rabies?'  My eye fell on a stray dog, salivating heavily.

'Anti-rabies jab,' I said. 'Ask your doc.'
'

zomgmouse

  • I love carrots
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2019, 07:23:07 AM »
I'm in bed right now..... and I have a blanket!

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2019, 08:43:55 AM »
I'm not saying my wife's fat. Because I'm not married

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #10 on: July 14, 2019, 09:05:48 AM »
I walked into a pub yesterday and there was a horse behind the bar.
It was a photo of Red Rum. I was in Newmarket.
Apparently lots of pubs in Newmarket are similarly horse-heavy on the decor front.

NoSleep

  • feat. Keith Jarrett and his singing parrot
    • Space Is The Place
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #11 on: July 14, 2019, 09:25:04 AM »
I was walking out of my house the other day, then turned left and went to the shops.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2019, 11:16:51 AM by NoSleep »

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #12 on: July 14, 2019, 10:54:04 AM »
I had to get the bus to work today........and then I got off the bus!

Mr Banlon

  • If you're gonna go nog, you gotta go Mingus
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #13 on: July 14, 2019, 11:06:56 AM »
A beggar asked me for 20p for a cup of tea.
I said, "Here's 40p, bring me back one."
He brought me back a cup of tea. (There was a food truck round the corner that gave discounts to the homeless)

alan nagsworth

  • no skin off my totally cured dick
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #14 on: July 14, 2019, 11:56:04 AM »
I rang the bell and then I got off the bus.

icehaven

  • Please don't hi five people in Tamworth
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #15 on: July 14, 2019, 12:00:33 PM »
A man walked in, sat down at a computer, collapsed and had an epileptic fit, then got up and left.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #16 on: July 14, 2019, 12:18:37 PM »
I went to the Doctor complaining about experiencing a perpetual sense of dread with moments of extreme anxiety.
He said, 'Here's a prescription for 50mg of Sertraline and I'll get someone from a talking therapy service to ring and make an appointment.'

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #17 on: July 14, 2019, 12:26:36 PM »
Do you remember when you were at school and the kids, they all had those pokemon cards, and there'd be, ooh, there'd be some really nasty competitions going on, and , and sometimes, you'd get a Charizard, there was one, do you remember? Was it silver? Charizard, the dragon. Remember him? He was the one all the kids wanted to get because, you'd just, you'd deck anyone with Char... Charizard. I wonder what kids have now? Last time I heard it was those, those spinning things, I forgot what they're called. Pokemon, eh? Pocket monsters, it meant.

Mr Faineant

  • Why stand, when you can sit?
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #18 on: July 14, 2019, 12:38:05 PM »
There was an Englishman, Irishman, and a Scotsman. The Irish one was thick as pig shit.

Phoenix Lazarus

  • Why bother writing stuff below your avatar?
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #19 on: July 14, 2019, 12:49:09 PM »
It was hard standing all day to work.  Then they took on a gay fellow.  He let us sit-great boss!

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #20 on: July 14, 2019, 12:55:02 PM »
I once had an ice cream on a cold day. It was winter!

Brundle-Fly

  • I'm so Avant-garden variety
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #21 on: July 14, 2019, 01:08:42 PM »
What's the deal with airport security? It's a necessary procedure to protect passengers, staff, aircraft, and airport property from accidental/malicious harm, crime, and other threats. Go figure?

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #22 on: July 14, 2019, 01:11:03 PM »
Welcome aboard my taxi. On until teatime and been run off my feet, thanks. No, your the first person to ask, sir

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #23 on: July 14, 2019, 01:56:16 PM »
An Englishman, An Irishman and A Scottishman meet up to discuss the funeral arrangements of A Welshman friend.

zomgmouse

  • I love carrots
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #24 on: July 14, 2019, 02:34:04 PM »
I'm cold and my back hurts

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #25 on: July 14, 2019, 03:20:57 PM »
Take my wife! She's an example of one of millions of people who are fans of the popular Netflix series Stranger Things.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #26 on: July 14, 2019, 03:21:40 PM »
I have fond memories of the day before my 29th birthday.
I was 28 at the time.

Voltan (Man of Steel)

  • 8% English, apparently
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #27 on: July 14, 2019, 04:13:06 PM »
I went to the butchers and said “Have you got any lamb?”
He said “Of course Sir, how much are you after?”

I went to the butcher and asked “Have you got a sheep’s head?”
He said “No, it’s the way I part my hair there’s no call for them nowadays so there would be little point in stocking them.”

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #28 on: July 14, 2019, 08:48:50 PM »
Amanda Holden has famously had extensive Botox.

Liable to produce headaches and nausea, Botox is a neurotoxic protein.

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #29 on: July 14, 2019, 09:41:49 PM »
Went to the chemists.


Bought some elastoplasts.