Author Topic: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes  (Read 5829 times)

Phoenix Lazarus

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #30 on: July 14, 2019, 10:47:02 PM »
My mother-in-law, though.  How heavy is she?

Not very, actually; very slim for her age and height.

Trying to get a word in edgeways with my ma-in-law, though.  It's like - well, anything else that's easy, really, because she never hogs the conversation.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #31 on: July 15, 2019, 12:37:06 PM »
I went into Morrisons the other day. They were having a sale on biscuits. Hobnobs? Yes, they were part of the sale.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #32 on: July 15, 2019, 01:20:06 PM »
A Nigerian approaches a rabbi at a bus stop and says "when is the bus due"

The rabbi says "it should have been here 12 minutes ago"

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #33 on: July 15, 2019, 01:20:36 PM »
Bought some condoms. Man behind the counter said "feeling lucky eh?". Don't know about luck but I do plan to have sex with someone I don't wish to impregnate if that's what you mean, I replied. Why else would I be buying these?

Former

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #34 on: July 15, 2019, 02:44:14 PM »
"My dog's got no nose."

"How does he smell?"

"Well, he doesn't, does he? He can't. He hasn't got a nose. Kinda tragic really when you think about it because dogs are often substantially dependent on having a keen sense of smell. The vet said we could consider having him put down, but he seems happy enough in himself for now. Mind, he's getting a bit of arthritis in his back legs too, which tends to happen with Retrievers as they get older, so it probably won't be that long now."

a duncandisorderly

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #35 on: July 15, 2019, 03:01:37 PM »
I can't think where I've left my chariot. good friend, where is my chariot?

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #36 on: July 15, 2019, 03:11:01 PM »
Know her? I barely knew her!

thenoise

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #37 on: July 15, 2019, 03:15:46 PM »
My life is a bit of a disappointment, and my mother-in-law severely dislikes me.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #38 on: July 15, 2019, 03:45:31 PM »
A horse walks into a bar. Funny at first then scary.

Jockice

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #39 on: July 15, 2019, 04:20:33 PM »
My mate Tim works for the Home Office and is currently stationed in Barbados. But his boss is in Jamaica. And is male.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #40 on: July 15, 2019, 05:07:02 PM »
I'm not saying my wife's fat. Because I'm not married


I forgot the punchline to this one. Which is 'I do have a girlfriend though. But she's reasonably slim.'

zomgmouse

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #41 on: July 16, 2019, 01:20:08 AM »
The heater's on....... but I'll turn it off soon

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #42 on: July 16, 2019, 07:26:03 AM »
Morrissey's let himself go.

Norton Canes

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #43 on: July 16, 2019, 09:41:41 AM »
I've fallen

Norton Canes

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #44 on: July 16, 2019, 09:42:12 AM »
Hang on that was a funny one

zomgmouse

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #45 on: July 16, 2019, 02:42:33 PM »
My tea is cold... and there's not a lot of it either

kittens

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #46 on: July 16, 2019, 03:47:45 PM »
so i go into work this morning and see my boss and she's like 'danny have you seen the new set of hearing aids for mr pillinger' and i'm like 'yes they're in the stock room' and she's like 'oh good - his appointment is this afternoon!'.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #47 on: July 16, 2019, 08:46:46 PM »
My wife is going on holiday to the Caribbean islands.

Jamaica?

Yes, that's one of them.

zomgmouse

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #48 on: July 17, 2019, 03:37:41 AM »
The tram is 1 minute away... that's 1 minute away

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #49 on: July 17, 2019, 05:19:06 AM »
A moth went into a psychiatrist's office. "Close the window, there's moths getting in" said the psychiatrist.

Puce Moment

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #50 on: July 17, 2019, 05:21:48 AM »
Look at all those moths flying into lights in pursuit of the moon.

They don't even look like the moon.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #51 on: July 17, 2019, 06:40:11 AM »
Two cows are in a field. One looks at the other.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #52 on: July 17, 2019, 07:26:54 AM »
Two cows are in a field.  "Mooooo, " says the first cow.  The other cow doesn't respond.  The cow's mooing has no semantic meaning and doesn't denote the start of a conversation between two animals.

zomgmouse

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #53 on: July 17, 2019, 09:55:07 AM »
6:54, still at my desk

why?

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #54 on: July 17, 2019, 12:30:12 PM »
Someone claiming to be from Microsoft called me earlier.
They clearly weren't though, so I hung up.

Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #55 on: July 17, 2019, 10:07:04 PM »
A man walked into a bathroom and looked at the toilet. "Absolute quality" he exclaimed. Unforutnately he had already quite severly shit his trousers.

jenna appleseed

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #56 on: July 28, 2019, 11:06:15 PM »
A man walked into a bathroom and looked at the toilet. "Absolute quality" he exclaimed. Unforutnately he had already quite severly shit his trousers.

R.I.P Desolation thread :'-(

Terryfuckwit

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #57 on: July 29, 2019, 12:36:09 AM »
Why do gays do well in show business?

Because flamboyancy is entertaining.

zomgmouse

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #58 on: July 29, 2019, 02:30:11 AM »
I'm eating an omelette. It's got leek in it. It's also got broccoli in it. And feta cheese.

NoSleep

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Re: Banal and unfunny true statements, structured like jokes
« Reply #59 on: July 29, 2019, 09:22:23 AM »
Why do gays do well in show business?

Because flamboyancy is entertaining.

Q: Why are all gays flamboyant?

A: Well, they're not.