Main Menu

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 11:28:49 PM

Login with username, password and session length

The Claverham Gimp

Started by DistressedArea, July 15, 2019, 09:36:41 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

BlodwynPig


PlanktonSideburns

I agree with everyone hear who thinks we should side with the stalker first

#beleiveingimps

bgmnts

Is running at someone whilst grunting a criminal offence?

BlodwynPig

Quote from: bgmnts on July 15, 2019, 05:41:34 PM
Is running at someone whilst grunting a criminal offence?

Masturbating...so obviously masturbating.

Plankton...take off your mask mate, you've bumdozied a spelling

Alberon

Quote from: bgmnts on July 15, 2019, 05:41:34 PM
Is running at someone whilst grunting a criminal offence?

It's time for a CaB mass experiment!

Half the forum put on your gimp outfits and run at people grunting. The rest just try and dress normal before doing the same. Anyone not locked up in the morning post here and we'll know the truth!

Fambo Number Mive

Have I Got News For You have used this incident to make a crap joke: https://twitter.com/haveigotnews/status/1150778656215785477

Cuellar

[Larry David stagger.gif]

flotemysost

Quote from: Cuellar on July 15, 2019, 12:33:00 PM
It's full of holes

What, the suit? I'm no expert in these things but I'd have thought they would need some sort of... access.

As fucking terrifying as this must have been (reminds me a bit of getting followed under a railway arch by someone in a an ice hockey mask at 3am once, that was a laugh), I do quite enjoy that they show the photo twice, including the zoomed-in version showing his blissfully goofy grin.

shiftwork2

Quote from: DistressedArea on July 15, 2019, 03:57:41 PM


This.  The deep sea diving suit fella from the opening titles was the scariest thing about Scooby Doo, this is the updated West Country pervert version and equally chilling.

kittens

always hated gimps. second i was made aware of them as a child i hated them. the only good thing about a gimp is it likes doing what it is told. if this one has managed to break its programming then we are in a lot of trouble. although knowing gimps it will be taking orders from a muscular woman in an ugly strappy outfit somewhere, which would presumably overrule any of my barked attempts at order. i'd need to follow it back to its enclosure and assert dominance over the queen gimp, but this will of course turn out to be the entire plan and i will end up compromised and forced to become a gimp myself. reckon i'll be staying out of this one.

shiftwork2

FerriswheelBueller has also just arrived in the area, although there'll probably be some diversionary guff about a 'baby'.

Cuellar

Yes, everyone pointing that a gimp is traditionally submissive has been groping towards the even more sinister truth: someone TOLD this gimp to follow that woman and spook her.

Who is the real perpetrator, the grey eminence.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: kittens on July 15, 2019, 08:16:49 PM
always hated gimps. second i was made aware of them as a child i hated them. the only good thing about a gimp is it likes doing what it is told. if this one has managed to break its programming then we are in a lot of trouble. although knowing gimps it will be taking orders from a muscular woman in an ugly strappy outfit somewhere, which would presumably overrule any of my barked attempts at order. i'd need to follow it back to its enclosure and assert dominance over the queen gimp, but this will of course turn out to be the entire plan and i will end up compromised and forced to become a gimp myself. reckon i'll be staying out of this one.

Quote from: BlodwynPig on July 15, 2019, 10:07:48 AM
Fucking hell kittens, what new lows have you plummeted to!?

BlodwynPig

Quote from: shiftwork2 on July 15, 2019, 08:20:27 PM
FerriswheelBueller has also just arrived in the area, although there'll probably be some diversionary guff about a 'baby'.

So has my wife, but she doesn't have an excuse

Shoulders?-Stomach!

More local news of this sort please.

Someone going into a coma after losing their virginity to the local laird. A cat fancier who is single handedly trying to put the charm back into Oswestry. Objects in recta. Secret plots to chloroform the Lord Mayor.


Ferris

Quote from: shiftwork2 on July 15, 2019, 08:20:27 PM
FerriswheelBueller has also just arrived in the area, although there'll probably be some diversionary guff about a 'baby'.

I'm currently in the west mids drinking a not-very-good pale ale, I got witnesses. Something something baby something Canada something baseball something something.

When it's me, you'll know. You'll all fucking know.

Sherringford Hovis



Gimps aren't necessarily subs.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Cuellar on July 15, 2019, 08:21:20 PM
Yes, everyone pointing that a gimp is traditionally submissive has been groping towards the even more sinister truth: someone TOLD this gimp to follow that woman and spook her.

Who is the real perpetrator, the grey eminence.

If I was a Netflix, I would commission the SHIT out of this. Two series straight out the door

Tagline idea: Who Gimps the Gimpmen?

Ferris

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on July 15, 2019, 11:32:22 PM
If I was a Netflix, I would commission the SHIT out of this. Two series straight out the door

Tagline idea: Who Gimps the Gimpmen?

Terrific.

the

Quote from: biggytitbo on July 15, 2019, 12:03:04 PMThe woman was so traumatized by the terrifying encounter she stopped, turned around and took a clear picture of the gimp monster.
Quote from: biggytitbo on July 15, 2019, 03:26:16 PMThe escaped gimp has literally stopped to pose for a photo taken by the supposedly terrified woman.


     

The Bumlord


Bazooka

QuoteHowever, despite using a helicopter and a sniffer dog, they were unable to find the man in the gimp suit who the woman said had advanced towards her "grunting and breathing heavily" before fleeing.

Good job Somerset police, you've just given away the holy grail of getaway outfits, the rubber prevents thermal cameras from working, and the litres of sweat are trapped inside so dogs can't smell ya.

Well never see helicopter videos of joyriders escaping across gardens and fields anymore, just the car doors opening and nobody getting out, except for invisible gimps.

Cerys

Quote from: biggytitbo on July 15, 2019, 03:26:16 PM

It's clearly a publicity stunt by the gimp marketing board. The escaped gimp has literally stopped to pose for a photo taken by the supposedly terrified woman.

Of course, the punchline is that there is no gimp in the picture at all.

dr_christian_troy

Probably inspired by American Horror Story, although that was in Season One back in 2011. By that logic he'll probably re-emerge as Stevie Nicks or a Dildo Man in a few years.

PlanktonSideburns


alan nagsworth

Quote from: Captain Z on July 15, 2019, 04:24:33 PM
Not that I know anything about it, cough, but aren't gimp suits designed to be worn by a submissive? By being aggressive I'm sure they must be violating the GIMP code.

ah yes, as originally scribed by Curtis James Jackson III:

I don't know what you heard about me
Muffled voice, come and dominate me
No aggression, no eyeholes, can't see
Cuz I'm a motherfucking G-I-M-P

mothman

This is the
Quote from: Cuellar on July 15, 2019, 04:53:53 PM
'Night gimp'
crossing the border
you can paddle his cheeks, just give the order

Glebe


I hope Avon and Somerset Police act swiftly before someone takes the law into their own hands.


studpuppet

I'd like to think that if PG Tips were doing another 'Unexplained Mysteries' album, this would be one of the cards.