The Cricket

[Ray Travez]

This being a thread for fans and non-fans alike to discuss the fine English game of cricket.

Perhaps my favourite snippet of cricket humour, was when a radio commentator said, live on air, "the batsman's sucking the bowler's cock!" So risque for 1947! In fact, the pundit was making a joke of the two player's surnames- Arthur Sucking and Montague Cock. This has gone down in history as literally the best bit of cricket, ever.

Perhaps other Metro readers have interesting cricket stories they could share

[pancreas]

It's a load of made up bullshit for the purposes of smearing Corbyn. And none of you really believe it, either.

[BlodwynPig]

A leg bye is so-called when, in the first world war, the two teams, England Lads Army vs. Ottoman's Whites, couldn't find any balls and used grenades instead.

[touchingcloth]

You could argue the last ball that Boult bowled was a full toss on leg stump and if Stokes' hadn't just been looking for two he probably would've banged it out of the ground anyway.

Full toss on leg stump sounds like the injured squaddies' version of soggy biscuit.

[Buelligan]

It played all summer long whilst the workers toiled in the fields but when the winter came it starved to fucking death.  Good.

[king_tubby]

When cricket man Ian Botham refers to 'middle stump' he is not actually talking about cricket! No, he is talking about his erect penis, which he is just about to photograph and put on the internet.

[touchingcloth]

The phrase "it's just not cricket" is used when something literally isn't cricket for informational purposes, or when it literally is but for satirical ones. Since it is frequently difficult to know what a speaker intended, the practice of making quote marks in the air with fingers evolved. Since no one now knows whether the quote marks are supposed to signal an informational literally not cricket or a satirical literal cricket, air quotes are now performed solely by Gary as a mating ritual.

[pancreas]

How many more good socialists need to be expelled before we admit that this doesn't exist? It's a stupid game that only the media are interested in.

[BlodwynPig]

How many more good socialists need to be expelled before we admit that this doesn't exist? It's a stupid game that only the media are interested in.

This decades rugby, Ben "Thug" Stokes is this decades Johnny Wilkinson

[Buelligan]

Coo-coo Daddy Long Legs.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Cricket was invented by a chain of department stores which noted that its white trousers weren't selling very well.

[The Boston Crab]

Have another bowl of dogshit Koach and munch four hundred Anadin like a Hungry Hungry Hippo. Let's nuke these peads into the fuckin stone age dogshit eating cunts.

This is the true spirit of cricket.

[Buelligan]

Sounds like they need their balls removing.

[Endicott]

'bails', surely.

[Buelligan]

I'll just leave them some stumps.

[Inspector Norse]

It played all summer long whilst the workers toiled in the fields but when the winter came it starved to fucking death.  Good.

Objection: they are not toiling in the field.

In fact they are stood at third man surreptitiously having a fag and occasionally supping a pint they've hidden behind the sightscreen, while the rest of us do all the running.

[bgmnts]

I like how the England and Wales team are only referred to as England.

[BlodwynPig]

I like how the England and Wales team are only referred to as England.

England, Wales, Ireland, New Zealand & West Indies Team

[touchingcloth]

I like all of the cricket songs and chants.

Bail, bail, bail
Cricket, cricket, cricket
Bail, bail, bail
Cricket.

The referee's an umpire! The referee's an umpire!

Three stumps in my field
That is how we cricket
300 years of hurt
Or however old the sport is.

[imitationleather]

I think this thread is incredibly offensive.

[bgmnts]

England, Wales, Ireland, New Zealand & West Indies Team

Well it would be nice if Wales had their own national team full of poached Windies and New Zealanders. Like the rugby team.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I hated playing it at school. Hours of standing around, occasionally trying (and failing) to catch the ball. At least with rugby you can run around and twat people.

[Fambo Number Mive]

I hated playing it at school. Hours of standing around, occasionally trying (and failing) to catch the ball. At least with rugby you can run around and twat people.

I hated it as well. Batting was quite fun but bowling/fielding was awful.

[poo]

Don't give a fuck what you pricks think about cricket

[bgmnts]

Which is worse, though, cricket or golf?

[Cuellar]

I hated it as well. Batting was quite fun but bowling/fielding was awful.

Fielding was the best bit. Whenever the ball came to you, fluffing your long stop and letting them run another, then going 'oops sorry lads' before cack-handedly throwing to the wrong end and screwing up a run out, brilliant. 'Oops, sorry guys!' - back to standing there, having a lovely day out in nature.

[Cold Meat Platter]

Fantastic beasts.
Look at this belter

[Buelligan]

Which is worse, though, cricket or golf?

Definitely golf.

[Captain Z]

As someone who only occasionally catches sight of a cricket headline, it amuses me how they appear to flip flop so often from the sublime to the ridiculous.

"Ashes victory was 'never in doubt' says captain"
"England humiliated by West Indies on final day"
"England surge to victory against number-1 ranked opponents"
"'A very long road to catch up with competition' says England coach"
"'Best England side for a generation' are favourites for trophy"
"Dark days as England slump to defeat after yet another collapse"

[The Boston Crab]

You should check out the actual cricket thread.