Author Topic: New meats  (Read 2451 times)

New meats
« on: July 17, 2019, 10:39:31 AM »
Just been to the secret freezer at the back of the shop and found a ton of new meats I tested some of them,luckily they had labels on them, here's my verdict:

1. Orange Nutter: Tangy and long, took 4 days to cook before the flesh could be bitten.

2. Project Shrimp: Very oily, very round but heavy, taste akin to urine and raspberries.

3. Chorked: Lovely, really yummy, I'd have it again even after shitting clotted blood.

4. 11th Dream: Tasted like chicken

5. Chimney Sweep Supper: It put up a fight in the wok, so toasted it with some lard and peaches, slid down my throat a right treat.

6. 63rd Brigade: Tasted like nothing.

7.Ghopkl huty: The foam spewing from it was a little unpleasant, but the crackling turned out great.

8. Rudder: Heavy, bitter, volatile, would be nice with a side of scampi.

9. Q......wow: Had it as a dessert, would be better as a drink.

10. Last Laugh: The scales and what can only be described as lips, were hard to rip off, no way an old person or baby could eat it. 9/10.

11. John/Jon/Jean: It fell off the bone/tusk within minutes, was probably supposed to cook it first.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: New meats
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2019, 12:34:16 PM »
Pangolin


PlanktonSideburns

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Re: New meats
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2019, 12:44:42 PM »
Been there too

Hampshire boglin crest - was literally just dog shit. Literally

Parsons funnel - also just a dog or maybe a deer's turd

Turd Burgers - dissapointed in myself for not seeing this one coming tbf

Re: New meats
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2019, 01:57:37 PM »
Been there too

Hampshire boglin crest - was literally just dog shit. Literally

Parsons funnel - also just a dog or maybe a deer's turd

Turd Burgers - dissapointed in myself for not seeing this one coming tbf

I'll have to try them out, sounds like a an angels choir to my taste buds. I've just defrosted some more and cooked them up:

12. sDinks: I cooked and ate it under low lighting, so can't comment on the aesthetics, but had to pinch my nose to swallow it.

13. Dust Donkey: Thought it was just going to be donkey meat rebranded, but way off, it had the texture of an apple with the intense salty juices of a cheap beefburger.

14. Zero Chances: Liquorice colour, took a week to defrost even left in the July sun. Punched it flat in a rage, added some Cajun powder and cooked it in a soda stream.

15. Horny Hornet v2: The  outer crust was cold, but once I'd hacked into the fleshy core, it tasted like a pythons anus, good for dinner parties, or glamping.

16. SNITCH: Mainly water, it was the size of a pillow before I baked it, was like a woodlouse when I tucked in

17. Hoopug bannit: had to put on a spin dry to blast off the eczema and sores. Lean and great with a summer salad.

Glebe

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Re: New meats
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2019, 02:06:29 PM »
Chorked is a favourite.

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: New meats
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2019, 04:04:35 PM »
Dust donkey sounds good

Re: New meats
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2019, 01:45:06 AM »
Hampshire boglin crest - was literally just dog shit. Literally
11. John/Jon/Jean: It fell off the bone/tusk within minutes, was probably supposed to cook it first.

I like the sounds of these two. Makes my gums sympathy well up and bleed.

Re: New meats
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2019, 02:16:19 PM »
Clanger
Flump
Pogle

zomgmouse

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Re: New meats
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2019, 02:29:56 PM »
Grelm - stringy but wet

petrilTanaka

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Re: New meats
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2019, 07:47:12 PM »
F*fth M**t or gtf

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: New meats
« Reply #10 on: July 28, 2019, 07:55:57 PM »
Grelm - stringy but wet

Sonically the funniest.

Grelm.

Re: New meats
« Reply #11 on: July 29, 2019, 04:44:22 AM »
I've just defrosted and cooked up the 'Burts BBQ bruised Meat Medley Mix:

Chunk 1: An oily gobstopper, is the most accurate description.

Chunk 2: Could only taste blood because it took out a tooth. Would have again.

Chunk 3: More of a lump really or a cyst, it gargled as it hit the grill, followed by a porky pop.

Chunk 4: Had a gorgeous marbling, but not sure why the fat was green.

Chunk/Slice 5: As good as gammon, but I'm not sure I could handle the meat sweats again only affecting my crotch area.

Chunk 6: Lovely Jubbly, tasted like malt vinegar and lard, with the texture of puff pastry, floated when cooked.

Re: New meats
« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2019, 10:52:43 AM »
Tub 1: Opened it, and the stench was simply otherworldly, didn't have time to vomit orally, it just came out my hair as I got my teeth into the dusty protein.

Tub 2: Couldn't get the lid off because of the 1st degree burns, needed another three seconds in the kettle.

batwings

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Re: New meats
« Reply #13 on: July 31, 2019, 11:43:35 AM »
Ape loin.

Re: New meats
« Reply #14 on: July 31, 2019, 11:53:46 AM »
Ape loin.

Credit where credit is due, reading that alongside that avatar really hit the spot.

Norton Canes

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Re: New meats
« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2019, 01:12:19 PM »
We used to tear scrin straight from the rutch when I was a kid, lovely and tawny it was, then we'd scrape the fritt off the knurrs with a curdy, wrap it in sowse and call it a 'whip-dikey'.

Re: New meats
« Reply #16 on: July 31, 2019, 11:53:45 PM »
What was that stuff they used to wean the cannibals off human flesh in Leipzig during the ‘großes Kannibalenproblem’ a few years back?

My man in Düsseldorf can get me a bag of Clammy Moira or a rack of ribs from a Peppered Viper but I don’t think either is the right stuff.

thecuriousorange

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Re: New meats
« Reply #17 on: August 01, 2019, 12:28:32 AM »
Ear.

Re: New meats
« Reply #18 on: August 01, 2019, 12:48:05 AM »
Tattooed Cheek of Inmate, best served with a draping of Saviled Bumguts in a traditional rich gravy

zomgmouse

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Re: New meats
« Reply #19 on: August 01, 2019, 04:22:22 AM »
Lee Harvey Oswald

Re: New meats
« Reply #20 on: August 01, 2019, 05:07:37 AM »
New beef
New pork
New chicken

zomgmouse

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Re: New meats
« Reply #21 on: August 01, 2019, 05:52:11 AM »
Egg salat

Re: New meats
« Reply #22 on: August 01, 2019, 03:04:57 PM »
Ungual cleft, one of the green meats, sour with a metallic after taste, also reverses the flow of your digestive tract. The pleasure of bummial food insertions is soon mitigated by the mouth shits. 8/10.

Cholffet scrapbrain, another of the green meats. Very soft texture, it weeps a significant amout of a black billious substance that will strip the decorations off a fancier plate. Left me with a very distended abdomen and open lesions across most of my skin. A delicate meaty taste akin to scallop row. If I survive and stop leaking what looks like cytoplasm from every orifice, I'll definitely try it again.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2019, 03:18:41 PM by Poobum »

Re: New meats
« Reply #23 on: August 01, 2019, 04:36:55 PM »
grape meat

seepage

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Re: New meats
« Reply #24 on: August 01, 2019, 04:53:02 PM »
with that graphene stuff in mind, I've modified a bacon slicer to shave a pig a few atoms at a time. I think the result could be revolutionary, but quite tough. 

Re: New meats
« Reply #25 on: August 01, 2019, 05:14:17 PM »


Flungetic Cuck. Can only be eaten alive as once dead and exposed to air it becomes a very noxious and narcotic vapour that will cause you to become a human ouroboros, constantly wheeling about like a mad 'en, your spine nubs worn down to dangerous levels. Very delicious, like a more textured mackerel carpaccio. Best to take a day off though as it will fight it's way back out at least three times and, with its sticky grasping entaglements, this will cause some inside outing that you will need to carefuly ease back in.

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Re: New meats
« Reply #26 on: August 01, 2019, 05:37:24 PM »
Sternum Latoya

Re: New meats
« Reply #27 on: August 02, 2019, 06:11:30 PM »


Pussay. Definitely needs to be fresh. Succulent, with a delicate flavour, and, for the more sophisticated and skilled gourmet, self saucing.

Re: New meats
« Reply #28 on: August 02, 2019, 07:43:16 PM »
Inners and Bits.

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Re: New meats
« Reply #29 on: August 02, 2019, 09:55:16 PM »
Following on from the success of his Womb Rejected season, Chef Jizzle @The Coroner restaurant in Bray is offering a tasting menu based on pacemakers and hip implants both pre and Post cremation.