oh fuck oh no look at this cats film

[Dewt]

the rest of the Ipswich audience seemed to be trying their best to take it seriously

They were probably not focusing on the film because they were thinking about their own accents

[popcorn]

I'm sure there are many hilarious "fan edits" to be made however.

The bit where she hears all the Jedi voices seems ripe for an edit. Qui Gon Jinn talking about "black bastards", etc.

edit: thought I'd wandered into the Star Wars thread again !!!

[Bad Ambassador]

Choose life, Rey!

[Small Man Big Horse]

Watching it with a friend making snarky comments was kind of fun... though I felt a bit self-aware since the rest of the Ipswich audience seemed to be trying their best to take it seriously! More theoretically interesting than actively amusing. I'm sure there are many hilarious "fan edits" to be made however. Vic Berger should really get his hands on it.

Thanks for that, still not sure whether I'll see it (I asked my normally Andrew Lloyd Webber loving mother if she fancied joining me and she turned down my kind offer) but your comments do kind of make me want to see it despite everything.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Just come out of this - had a whale of a time of it. Never not entertained one way or another.

Film really shows up the hard work pixar do keeping out of the uncanny valley

This film starts in the deepest cleft of said valley, then pulls out a pick axe and starts digging.

Some of the cats seem to be wearing fur coats - presumably made of rival cat's fur

Rebel Wilson is revealed to have been wearing some sort of mad silence of the lambs style cats flesh skinsuit to conceal some sort of jazzy outfit

Apart from the main tune, brilliantly performed by Jennifer huston, giving it this ragged, heartrending brokenness which is totally at odds with the stupid collection of tones randomly generated in the rest of the film, the rest of the songs are absolute bollocks - though the weird cirque du solei style arrangements did make interesting listening in the cinema - some of it sounded like scratch arrangements someone done with stock DAW synth plugins before the orchestra got there.

CAB nemesis corden puts in a decent performance - he's one of the few ones who takes it as the daft childish romp that it is - he's basically the LOL FATBLOKE character, so he smashes that role obvs.

The risible Jason derulo had me rolling in the isles, fair play to him. There's a bit where he's singing as part of a choir and he's constantly trying to steal focus from the central performance by doing louder higher notes than everyone else, at one point I'm sure he was just singing JASON DERUUUUUULO! over the top of it

Some characters seem to look quite natural copy pasted onto a cat, some people look like a round one wimblewrong entry, like the video editors liked some characters more than others. Any moments of actual moving acting  (mostly just by Ian McKellen and Dench, who are coasting in this, but them coasting is some kaning it) are ruined by thoughts of

'why are some of them wearing SHOES?'

or

'Fuck me it's ray Winstone!'

Or

'Exactly what fuckin size are these cats?'

Bits of it feel like it's been directed and written by a computer - baffling tonal and continuital choices.

For Fuck knows why, rebel Wilson  cat makes an army of bugs with human faces do jazzdancing, and everyone just starts casually eating these anthumans when they get bored of dancing - it's like one of those algorithmic YouTube kids cartoons.

I LOVED it, but it's definitely garbage. I'd say if you liked Southland Tales, you'd love this

[Bazooka]

My sister took one of my nephews to see it yesterday, she asked if I wanted to go as I'm back from China for Christmas, almost went but didn't want to rub my super synacism off on a 6 year old.

Anyway about 40 min he exclaimed his dislike and demanded they leave. Atta boy.

[PlanktonSideburns]

I'd feel sorry for any kids watching this - all the music's dated, the cats are all insufferable and it's based on the assumption that anything other than lobbing them all into a big threshing machine would be good enough for them.

The only thing vaguely up to date on it is Taylor Swift,  and she comes in unrecognisable about 2 hours in,  singing old times jazz songs. A haunted old spoonfaced luvvie's crazy cat fantasy

[PlanktonSideburns]

Haven't even winged about the whole white saviour vibes at the end

[popcorn]

Rebel Wilson is revealed to have been wearing some sort of mad silence of the lambs style cats flesh skinsuit to conceal some sort of jazzy outfit

For Fuck knows why, rebel Wilson  cat makes an army of bugs with human faces do jazzdancing, and everyone just starts casually eating these anthumans when they get bored of dancing - it's like one of those algorithmic YouTube kids cartoons.

Wow!

[Alberon]

Fucking hell.

Seriously.

Fucking hell.

How the hell was Tom Hooper not immediately defenestrated at supersonic speed when this sequence was seen by the studio execs?

[PlanktonSideburns]

Honestly it's basically made our of moments that weird and fucked up

[Replies From View]

Honestly it's basically made our of moments that weird and fucked up

In some ways this makes it sound incredible though.

[idunnosomename]

Late capitalism in one film

edit movie

[PlanktonSideburns]

In some ways this makes it sound incredible though.

I was mostly thrilled at the mental uncanny bits, only had about 15min of combined dull dragtime for me, - though maybe as a fan of garbage Internet videos and uncanny things maybe I'm a bit biased. Suspect my wife found it more infuriatingly shit and occasionally so bad it's interesting

[Icehaven]

I wonder how close the makers are to giving up and changing tack to a Wiseau-esque approach of pushing it as a now infamous car crash and encouraging audiences to go and see it based on it's spectacular crapness just to get bums on seats. "You've cringed at the trailer, laughed at the reviews, now do both at the cinema!"

[Kelvin]

The faces on those cockroaches look sooooooo shit. It's amazing.

[PlanktonSideburns]

I urge you all to see it in the cinema

[kalowski]

Wow!

I can't put into words how bad this looks. The cockroaches look like Vic and Bob with their Jimmy Hill masks on.

[pigamus]

How bad are the losses? Is there a chance it still might break even internationally or whatever?

[mjwilson]

Nope it's a flop.

[Thursday]

https://variety.com/2019/film/box-office/cats-movie-box-office-bomb-tom-hooper-digital-fur-technology-1203450672/

[idunnosomename]

hello im a studio. i will give you, producer, some money to make a Cats film, in return for it making us a profit

ok

*makes shit film, which loses money*

oh no

[Replies From View]

hello im a studio. i will give you, producer, some money to make a Cats film, in return for it making us a profit

ok

*makes shit film, which loses money*

oh no

You just did the very opposite of what we asked

Sorry about that

Did you understand the instruction

No I must admit I was a bit confused by it

Ok well here's some more money you'd better make a Cats film that is profitable this time

Ok


*returns with a completely new film which is somehow exactly the same and loses money as well*


Damn and blast to you, Tobe Hooper.  You keep doing the polar opposite of what we request.

As long as I can have a third go please?  And then it will be fine.

Oh alright then here's more money.  Don't come back with somehow exactly the same film that loses money again though!!

I won't!!


*he does*




MORAL OF THIS STORY
Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance
But you still catch my eye
Tell me, baby
Do you recognize me?
Well, it's been a year
It doesn't surprise me

[madhair60]

More like... Cunts!

[Small Man Big Horse]

I LOVED it, but it's definitely garbage. I'd say if you liked Southland Tales, you'd love this

I love Southland Tales so have just bought a ticket now, it's the 3pm showing so I'll report back later this evening but if it's rubbish then you owe me £117.90 (the price of cinema tickets in Surrey these days is outrageous, I know).

[PlanktonSideburns]

I love Southland Tales so have just bought a ticket now, it's the 3pm showing so I'll report back later this evening but if it's rubbish then you owe me £117.90 (the price of cinema tickets in Surrey these days is outrageous, I know).

southland tales is mental good isnt it! Buffy and the rock ballroomdancing to the pixies is two whole extra stars to a rating for me.

interested to see what you make of this!

[Small Man Big Horse]

southland tales is mental good isnt it! Buffy and the rock ballroomdancing to the pixies is two whole extra stars to a rating for me.

It is, and in no way deserves it's reputation as a bad movie, it's just a bit too over ambitious in places, but I love movies like that.

interested to see what you make of this!

It's a bizarre old thing, I mean it just looks absurd, the cgi is the weirdest I've ever seen, and some parts were jaw dropping like Rebel Wilson and the cockroaches, I had my fist in my mouth at one point to stop me laughing too much as the cinema (half full, as it goes) was otherwise silent. About five other songs had beautifully weird moments in them too, but other parts were a bit boring (the dance sequence when they first enter The Egyptian especially), Ian McKellen's song was bland, and though I know others love it I didn't get on with Hudson's take on Memories, finding it a bit too histrionic. Overall I'm definitely glad I've seen it, it's just so fucking weird and I did laugh a lot, it's just a shame it's not full on mental in the way some of it's best scenes are.

[garbed_attic]

I had my fist in my mouth at one point to stop me laughing too much as the cinema (half full, as it goes) was otherwise silent.

Very much my experience save me and my friend. I definitely got a glare or two. People around us really did seem determined to take it seriously - maybe for the kids! Though really I can't see that it has much in it to entertain children.

[peanutbutter]

I can go to this for free I think, one friend has said I must go but it sounds like it might be best as a group thing and I'd be going alone.

Should I go?
Should I take mushrooms beforehand?

[olliebean]

I'm going with a friend this evening. Just spent £1.01 on travel insurance so I can get a twofer on it.