CaBber, I just killed a mouse

[Johnny Yesno]

I had just gone into my kitchen earlier to cook my dinner, when I spotted a field mouse zip under my hoover in the hallway. It's not the first mouse I've seen here but it startled me because I live in a first floor flat and it's been a while since the last rodent visitor.

Previously, a glimpse was all I ever got, and I fully expected this mouse to be long gone by the time I cautiously lifted the hoover. However, it shot out from underneath and into the lounge, disappearing behind the bookcase which is up against one of the walls. Again, I assumed I'd be too slow but I put a book at one end of the bookcase to block its exit and grabbed a plastic jug from the bathroom that a friend had left when she stayed with me some time ago. She used it for washing her hair - no use to me ordinarily, as I am as bald as a cue ball, but I reckoned it could serve as an improvised mouse trap if only I could be fast enough.

While I was waiting at the unblocked end of the bookcase wondering what to do next, I noticed that the jug handle was shaped in such a way as to form a little tunnel which the critter could probably squeeze through if it found itself under the up-ended vessel, so I blocked that with a piece of tape. Then I started to wonder if the rodent was still where I thought it was, so I shone a torch behind the bookcase and, sure enough, I could see it sitting there. But how to smoke it out and then trap it once it was in the open?

I realised I could poke the long handle of a feather duster behind the bookcase with one hand to get the mouse to break cover, but knew I didn't have the reach to trap it in the jug with my other hand. Then I had the idea that I could prop the jug up against the wall and the side of the bookcase and hope that the mouse would run into the inside of the jug causing it to fall, trapping my unwanted guest inside. However, I knew that this was a fairly implausible plan because there was just so much room for the rodent to avoid the jug entirely, but I couldn't think what else to do.

Anyway, surprisingly, my idea worked like a dream and I could see the animal through the translucent plastic, sniffing around its new prison. That piece of tape did it's job. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself that I had managed to humanely trap the thing. I was standing there thinking about how on earth to get it out of the flat and where to take it, when I saw that the jug was so light that the mouse was able to slide it along the floor easily.

I hadn't thought of that or I would have put a book on the jug to weigh it down. I instinctively moved to put my foot on the jug to stop it moving but unfortunately, I overbalanced and the plastic, which had become brittle with age, shattered under the weight. The mouse ended up getting crushed too but it was still twitching, so I made the decision to stamp on it to put it out of its misery. This was only partially successful as I was wearing slippers but thankfully, it died soon after and I disposed of the whole sorry bloody mess outside.

That was horrible. It took a while for me to stop shaking. I can't think that I've ever killed a mammal before. I haven't eaten one for at least a couple of decades, that's for sure. I don't like spiders but I always trap them and put them outside rather than kill them. God knows what I'd be like if I learned to drive and accidentally roadkilled a cat, or something.

[alan nagsworth]

Sorry man, that absolutely fuckin sucks. I'd be beside myself an' all. But if it's any consolation, kitchen units can become so unnecessarily clogged with shit you never use. Honestly, bastard LOADS of the stuff. Four or five attachments for a food processor you left out on the kerb four years back. Two saucepans with handles too wobbly to bother thinking about. That ice cube tray with the penis design that's covered in three years of grease and dust. Three mugs with broken handles, at least two of them bearing endorsements for companies you're fairly certain you've never worked for. A half melted spatula. Sixty three tea lights (most of them with dented casing and a fair amount of them completely used up), three citronella candles that you cling to as if they were flares on the Titanic, eight disposable lighters with no gas, fourteen birthday cake candle holders. Honestly, brittle plastic jugs from a bygone age are holding you back. It's worth getting rid of this stuff if you don't want people to think you're a bit of a twat.

[Cerys]

You have my sympathy.  I hate the idea of accidentally killing something that I'm trying to rescue.  Like the time I saved a baby slow worm from the cat, but then inadvertently released it in the grass above an ants' nest.  That still haunts me.

[Brian Freeze]

The guilt will pass with time but you tried to do the right thing.

Ive still got strong memories of my attempt to save a shrew from a cat around thirty years ago. I got it off the cat before it became a plaything, but it ended up squished underneath the large planter it hid behind while its clumsy rescue attempt was bungled.

[bgmnts]

Honestly think you should do the right thing and turn yourself in.


Seriously though sorry butt. I get into such a depression even if I see my hamsters sad little face or a dead animal in the road. Couldn't even imagine killing something like thatm

[José]

give him a proper burial. a warrior's burial.

[zomgmouse]

My dad once flushed a baby mouse down the toilet.

[The Boston Crab]

You tried to do the right thing.

[Twit 2]

Turin Mouse

[BlodwynPig]

You have my sympathy.  I hate the idea of accidentally killing something that I'm trying to rescue.  Like the time I saved a baby slow worm from the cat, but then inadvertently released it in the grass above an ants' nest.  That still haunts me.

The mouse has my sympathy. Squeaker gonna haunt

[poo]

It's nothing in comparison to all the other stuff you're doing to wreck the natural world by just existing. Wouldn't worry about it.

[Johnny Yesno]

Thanks for the kind replies. A bottle of cider later and I was sleeping the undisturbed sleep of the truly guilty.

It's worth getting rid of this stuff if you don't want people to think you're a bit of a twat.

Too late!

Honestly think you should do the right thing and turn yourself in.

I agree, but who to? I've disposed of the body and I'm pretty sure the mouse was undocumented. I don't think the authorities would be interested.

[BlodwynPig]

I agree, but who to? I've disposed of the body and I'm pretty sure the mouse was undocumented. I don't think the authorities would be interested.

You've killed...and you'll kill again.

[pigamus]

My deepest sympathies. I didn't laugh when I got to the bit about the slippers.

[madhair60]

who cares its a mouse

[BlodwynPig]

dead neckbeard on M1

"who cares, it was jut madhair60" shrugs a ghost mouse.

[pigamus]

I'm surprised nobody's done 'Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead' yet

[Cerys]

Thanks for pointing out what the thread title was clearly referencing.

[BlodwynPig]

I'm surprised nobody's done 'Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead' yet

Scare a mouse, Scare a mouse, will you do the damn fango.

[touchingcloth]

I'm surprised nobody's done 'Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead' yet

I think it's because the OP was deliberately rather than accidentally evoking the song, so it would feel churlish and redundant to finish their thought off, and would risk a "...that was the joke" response.

[madhair60]

dead neckbeard on M1

"who cares, it was jut madhair60" shrugs a ghost mouse.

Reported for death threat

[pigamus]

Thanks for pointing out what the thread title was clearly referencing.

But that would be 'CaBber, just killed a mouse', wouldn't it?

[touchingcloth]

But that would be 'CaBber, just killed a mouse', wouldn't it?

I think it's easy sometimes to get overly hung up on accuracy with these things.

[madhair60]

I'm affronted tbh I've enriched the lives of hundreds. Whats a mouse ever done sit there and squeak. Dance on some stairs with clogs on, didn't happen. Pure fiction. Name one mouse irl that's ever done anything of note. You cant it doesnt exist. Never compare me to a mouse again.

[Icehaven]

We have these traps at my work that are long plastic cylinders with openings at each end, and when a mouse goes in, a little door drops down and traps them inside, then poison gas is released from a cannister inside. Can anyone guess their tasteful nickname?

[pigamus]

There was a mouse on Hearts of Gold with Esther Rantzen in about 1991 I think. Saved a boy from a fire, or a chair or something, I can't remember. That's a reasonable achievement for a mouse.

[touchingcloth]

I'm affronted tbh I've enriched the lives of hundreds. Whats a mouse ever done sit there and squeak. Dance on some stairs with clogs on, didn't happen. Pure fiction. Name one mouse irl that's ever done anything of note. You cant it doesnt exist. Never compare me to a mouse again.

Remember when twitters broke last week? A mouse chewed through the wires.

Don't even pretend you've ever done anything as noble as sacrificing yourself to temporarily turn off twitters.

[touchingcloth]

We have these traps at my work that are long plastic cylinders with openings at each end, and when a mouse goes in, a little door drops down and traps them inside, then poison gas is released from a cannister inside. Can anyone guess their tasteful nickname?

I feel that Mauschwitz is almost too obvious to guess.

[Icehaven]

I feel that Mauschwitz is almost too obvious to guess.

You would be wrong to feel that.

[pigamus]

I feel that Mauschwitz is almost too obvious to guess.

Duckhau