How many Krankies were there?

[Gregory Torso]

Yeah mate, I know there's Ian and Jimmy, but didn't there used to be loads of other Krankies? I'm sure on like the Royal Variety Performance, they'd come out on stage in a line, holding each others hands?

Was there a Nelson Krankie who lived on a houseboat and had a fat leg, and Ian Krankie would throw empty bottles of Stella at him or am I thinking of something else?

What are your memories of other Krankies? I can't be wrong about this.

[Cuellar]

At their height I think there were at least 20. For a precise figure I think you'll need to check the archives.

[DrGreggles]

At their height

5 foot 10 and 3 foot 8.

[pancreas]

Gloylot Crankie
Sir Nonce-a-lot Crankie
Dr Harold Crankie
Hankie Crankie
Spanner N. Crankie
Lafayette Cranquée

[Gregory Torso]

Found an archived interview which gives mention of a "Boilk Krankie", supposedly Jimmy and Ian's first son, who featured in the first edition of "It's A Fan Dabby Dozy Load Ay Bollocks - The Unofficial Story Of The Krankies", but excised from all future reprints -


"Aye, it was a cruel winter when Boilk was bairned. A very painful bairn. I mind of a big red woolf came out of the woods and ate up all the placenta that the bairn was being bairned in. We hid him away, wee Boilk, hid him from the sun so that he would not violate its light with the pollution of his existence. I cried for three months and Ian would just stare out at the treeline, silent, and hold the bairn, silent. For Boilk, he never cried. We went through the woods, to a town, it took us a week. The days of capering on stage with Les Dennis and the Fraggles were like a feverish dream. Boilk wouldn't take milk from our breasts, so we had to mash up berries in our mouths and dribble the pulp into his face.
I wonder what became of the wee mute thing. We left him in a Sainsburys in the bread aisle. I think now, as I stare out into the dark unknown storeys of the trees that surround Kranky Kastle, he must be out there, stoic and silent, slouching towards, berry juice staining his face and neck, a cape made of bags-fae-life flutterin around his neck like a tattered flag."

[Replies From View]

Oh goodness I remember this.

There was a dance with at least sixteen Krankies wasn't there.  Joylipping around in galavant.  Hiding behind columns and being Kranky with the classical orders.  Maypole, a Russian jig, something in a curious time signature that you had to learn and tap out on your leg before you could turn your telly off.


Yes


It is all coming back.

[Fishfinger]

Krankies have a fractal structure. Conceptually, they are infinite. In practical terms, there are as many as you care to find, with your microscope and science licence and fancy computer, I imagine.

[Alberon]

Always two there are; no more, no less. A master and an apprentice.

[Pingers]

There was the very pale one with wiry ginger hair who identified as black - Ganja Warrior Krankie - who always wore lemon yellow batty riders. Dead now, thankfully.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

The defining characteristic of all Krankies is their unnatural lifespan.  It's not uncommon for a Krankie to live for four centuries or more.  That is why Wee Jimmy is still at school at the age of 73.

The current family patriarch Big Jimmy Krankie has attained the age of 256 years, as well as standing some 9ft 1 ins. tall

[Cuellar]

The best and best known Kranko was of course Kranksie MacDonald

[petril]

let's not forget the Austrian centre forward Hans Krankie

[Replies From View]

I remember climbing trees as a kid and finding somewhere in the region of seven or eight Krankies nuzzling into the bark.

[willpurry]

http://www.artnet.com/artists/peter-blake/krankie-the-klown-a-g1Hvc-GLJnc99bSr7zfiPA2

[Glebe]

Graham Krankie
Uncle Bulgaria Krankie
Charles Arbuthnot Braithwaite III Krankie
Simone de la Krankie

[Gregory Torso]

I'm going to say, canonically, the number of Krankies must have been between 60 - 70. I certainly remember an episode of Blankety Blank where there were nine Jimmy Krankies piled up in a sort of fidgeting pyramid next to Linda Lusardi.

*Obviously, this is an estimate and only includes UK Krankies. There were of course attempts to export the Krankies brand internationally, e.g. in Germany, die Kranken Kinde, and Japan's 東京ゴブリン [*TOKYO GOBLINS*] who had 84 members at one point.

[hamfist]

Cancer Krankie

[Replies From View]

I'm going to say, canonically, the number of Krankies must have been between 60 - 70.

When do you suppose they shifted into the past tense like this?

[hamfist]

When do you suppose they shifted into the past tense like this?

After the Krankie Holocaust (RIP)

[Replies From View]

I do remember a dinner party of some 30 or 40 "Craven" Krankies in the late 80s, though I didn't know what that meant because I was only about eight years old at the time.  I assumed it was a Newsround thing.

Certainly nothing like the 60 or 70 Krankies that were said to spit routinely from the Old Man of Hoy when they were still at their peak.

[Gregory Torso]

Excerpt from Ian Krankie's diary:


12/03/1990

Jimmy really doing my fucking melon in. This morning at six, bursts into my bedroom wearing this filthy matted tiger costume, combing his whiskers and trying to purr.
I says "Jimmy it's six in the fucking morning"
He says "what are you going to do about it. Come on then. Fight me like you fought Paul Daniels in that seafront B&B you big soft nancy cunt"
I didn't say anything after that.
But he keeps talking, prancing around in that disgusting outfit. Tony the Tiger dipped in shite.
"I'm gonna kill ya" Jimmy is saying, "you look like a bitch. i am going to fight you. Come for me. Come for my cock, ye wee shitey biscuit."
Finally I sit up and scream "Jeanette, what the fuck is wrong with you, you are killing our marriage."
Jimmy says "you're as bad as the rest of them, Ian. You're as bad as Keith Harris".

I need some coke.

[Gregory Torso]

How the hell does this thread have 3000 views?

[Gregory Torso]

Actually it's probably the hundreds of Krankies that keep looking at it to see if they've made it in.

[chveik]

How the hell does this thread have 3000 views?

paedo hunters

[petril]

Mad Krankie Fraser too, let's not leave him out

[Glebe]

I got the shock of my life at the Cheltenham Arms, 2006. I had paid £15 to see the standard two Krankies, topping the bill with support from Joe Pasquale and Phil Cool. But to the surprize of myself, and - judging by the gasps! - most of the rest of the audience, Ian and Jimmy were accompanied onstage by not one, not two, but - count 'em! - three hundred of the extended Krankie Family. I got several of their autographs at the stage door after, with Pa Krankie and Great Uncle Bulgaria Krankie both agreeing to pose for a photo with me!

[Replies From View]

Did you ever see the Russian Doll Krankies performing live?  I know you have to call them "Nested" Krankies now but they will always be Russian Doll Krankies to me.

[NJ Uncut]

Did you ever see the Russian Doll Krankies performing live?  I know you have to call them "Nested" Krankies now but they will always be Russian Doll Krankies to me.

No matter the Krankie nationality, their stage shows always entail one Krankie being inside another. Klarts

[Replies From View]

No matter the Krankie nationality, their stage shows always entail one Krankie being inside another. Klarts

True but not to that extent.  Very well worth seeing.

[NJ Uncut]

True but not to that extent.  Very well worth seeing.

Think they're performing at today's prestigious Essar Forecourt Trader of the Year awards.

They're not booked though.