Author Topic: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear  (Read 3970 times)

NoSleep

  • feat. Keith Jarrett and his singing parrot
    • Space Is The Place
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #30 on: July 28, 2019, 08:17:10 AM »
The anus of the face must surely be the nose.

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #31 on: July 28, 2019, 10:48:36 AM »
How do you arrange getting your ears syringed? GP or is there a special guy in the Yellow Pages?

I have pretty appalling hearing and it must surely at least slightly be caused by this.

NoSleep

  • feat. Keith Jarrett and his singing parrot
    • Space Is The Place
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #32 on: July 28, 2019, 10:52:38 AM »
Could be you need your ears syringed, but it might also be that your eustachian tubes are blocked or swollen, the swelling being due to hayfever/allergy. Or you might have been to one too many Dinosaur Jr gigs.

WesterlyWinds

  • Gigalithine Lenticular Entity
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #33 on: July 28, 2019, 09:07:12 PM »
How do you arrange getting your ears syringed? GP or is there a special guy in the Yellow Pages?

I have pretty appalling hearing and it must surely at least slightly be caused by this.

Go to your GP, tell them you've had trouble hearing and think it's earwax. They'll have a look see and confirm whether it is or not. If you are bunged up they'll then tell you to try putting olive oil in for a few weeks and if that doesn't work come back. You can avoid this wait by telling them you've already been oiling your ears and it hasn't worked, in which case they'll either get you to book a nurse appointment at that GP or, if they don't have the right equipment, refer you elsewhere.

I'd recommend the Earol spray olive oil as I've found it far more effective than the droppers and it doesn't require you to lie down and wait for ten minutes each ear. Make sure to read the instructions to get it working properly though as I was doing it slightly ineffectively at first.

If you are a big money bags you can also get it done privately at some opticians and the like, but it can cost upwards of £30 per ear and as it takes about 30 seconds per ear if you've lubed your orifices up properly that is a fucking mug's game.

alan nagsworth

  • pot of black?
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #34 on: July 29, 2019, 05:59:54 PM »
If you are a big money bags you can also get it done privately at some opticians

You wot mate? I’m not letting some eye cunt near my ears.

Haven’t started oiling up my lugs yet as my actual anus had been fucking playing up again. The bleeding seemed to suddenly stop for like a week but then I started seeing bits again, and then for about a week I’ve been having regular stomach aches numerous times per day which often precede the sudden need to fard and shid. Dangerous untrustworthy fards that have seen me cack myself a couple of times and nasty fuckin diarrhoea. It’s fucking bollocks. Some nights the pain wakes me up when I’m in bed.

Between this and the blood and my ear issues and my ongoing issue with lack of self control whilst boozing causing me severe bouts of depression and anxiety, my body is having a royally wank time of it lately. I need a massive flushing out in at least three parts of me.

alan nagsworth

  • pot of black?
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #35 on: July 29, 2019, 07:17:01 PM »
Just had to have another rectal exam and they took about six different blood samples for various tests. Looks like a colonoscopy is deffo on the cards as well. Starting to think they’re just doing all this for a laugh.

Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #36 on: July 29, 2019, 08:54:14 PM »
I think it's a priest that you need, not a doctor.

NoSleep

  • feat. Keith Jarrett and his singing parrot
    • Space Is The Place
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #37 on: July 29, 2019, 11:57:16 PM »
An exorcist.

alan nagsworth

  • pot of black?
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #38 on: July 30, 2019, 10:54:16 AM »
Blood samples all came back clean so I’m off to the GP on Friday to determine which “pathway” is best to determine what the problem is. I could have told them myself the best pathway is the dirt road but I guess they’re the professionals.

If you’re not predisposed to having things stuck up your arse, a rectal exam is fucking horrible and intrusive and feels absolutely horrendous. If I’m due a colonoscopy I’m hoping they load me up with opioids beforehand because by Christ I cannot be fucked with going through that ordeal again. I will livestream it on CaB TV though.

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #39 on: July 30, 2019, 10:58:52 AM »
You wot mate? I’m not letting some eye cunt near my ears.

Already is, in a way.  Groin is near the anus and all that.

shiftwork2

  • Member
  • **
  • pies this is your time
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #40 on: July 30, 2019, 11:32:16 AM »
I’ve been the ‘named person’ who has collected a post-colonoscopy friend and I have to say the sedation looks brilliant, woozy, no idea of time or place.  Of course that’s in addition to getting a camera up your Ray Cooney West End Farce.

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #41 on: July 30, 2019, 11:41:43 AM »
Win-win really isn't it

zomgmouse

  • I love carrots
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #42 on: July 30, 2019, 12:32:51 PM »

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #43 on: July 30, 2019, 12:34:48 PM »
an ex-arseist

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #44 on: July 30, 2019, 09:13:47 PM »
My father in law and one of my mates both tell me a camera down the japs is FAR worse than one up the bum.  Apparently it's bad enough going in, but coming out is like when James Franco in 27 Hours cuts that tendon (or ligament, or whatever it is) or Dracula-Vision when Frank Langella succumbs to severe sunburn.

Never want a camera down my cock.

Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #45 on: August 01, 2019, 02:19:57 AM »
what;s it smell like mate? can you get your nose around to sniff it? maybe if you bend your neck just right?

alan nagsworth

  • pot of black?
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #46 on: September 09, 2019, 10:33:36 PM »
Having a right fucking episode of it again with my ear. Different episode now.

Got some Otex drops to get shot of the big load of wax I've apparently got jammed down there. Used it a handful of times in the last two or three days. Since the first use, my left ear is feeling progressively more and more blocked with every application. Honestly feels like the cunt has got an ear plug pushed right inside it now with no sign of anything shifting out.

Is this shit normal? Is it actually going to all come out at some point or is Otex having a fucking laugh? I even tried using warm water in the pipette that came with the drops to flush out whatever's been loosened and nothing happened. It's driving me insane. I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR ANYTHING. I'm going to see Aphex Twin in four days time and my cunting ear is shagged. It's starting to freak me out a bit because it is literally like I'm about 1/3 more deaf than I was before and I don't know what the fuck to do about it.

I fucking hate my body. Behind the reasonably attractive outer casing lies a fucking world of piss and trouble. It never ends.

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #47 on: September 10, 2019, 02:49:04 PM »
Having a right fucking episode of it again with my ear. Different episode now.

Got some Otex drops to get shot of the big load of wax I've apparently got jammed down there. Used it a handful of times in the last two or three days. Since the first use, my left ear is feeling progressively more and more blocked with every application. Honestly feels like the cunt has got an ear plug pushed right inside it now with no sign of anything shifting out.

Is this shit normal? Is it actually going to all come out at some point or is Otex having a fucking laugh? I even tried using warm water in the pipette that came with the drops to flush out whatever's been loosened and nothing happened. It's driving me insane. I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR ANYTHING. I'm going to see Aphex Twin in four days time and my cunting ear is shagged. It's starting to freak me out a bit because it is literally like I'm about 1/3 more deaf than I was before and I don't know what the fuck to do about it.

I fucking hate my body. Behind the reasonably attractive outer casing lies a fucking world of piss and trouble. It never ends.

Yes, the increased blockage is normal. The wax has expanded slightly due to the increased moisture, however, it IS liquefying and breaking up. Are you using Express or the Olive Oil? If it's the Olive Oil then just keep doing it + water flushes. If it's the Express then give yourself a one or two day break after every three or four days since preoxide's harsh as shit.

If you can get one of those little red bulbs they use for flushing out baby ears/sinuses they're fucking brilliant for flushing, just be super gentle. If you want to take the risk you can also get your own ear syringe from Amazon just again, don't go all Agent 47 and hammer the plunger down, just sloooowly ease it in and stop if you feel yourself straining your muscles for a big jizz of fluid -- all that will do is fuck your eardrum. Using the pipette won't do much because you need a small amount of pressure to loosen the wax buildup.

I have the fucking worst wax problems, my wax is basically black, so I know exactly how you feel and it's cunty as cunty cunt can be. It ruins fucking everything and nobody is sympathetic at all because gumb bumb just yer ears mate.

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #48 on: September 10, 2019, 02:53:38 PM »
Also never stick your pinky finger in your ear to "dislodge" wax. If your ear itches only ever rub/scratch the outside, as sticking your finger in and creating an air-seal will consistently block your ears if you have thick wax. I've been told this by three different doctors and have found it out myself the hard way twice now. If you've got a mild blockage then it's best to either give it a couple of days (since the ear is fantastic, USUALLY, at clearing itself) or olive-oil it. Normally one or the other will sort you out.

alan nagsworth

  • pot of black?
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #49 on: September 10, 2019, 04:20:55 PM »
Also never stick your pinky finger in your ear to "dislodge" wax. If your ear itches only ever rub/scratch the outside, as sticking your finger in and creating an air-seal will consistently block your ears if you have thick wax. I've been told this by three different doctors and have found it out myself the hard way twice now. If you've got a mild blockage then it's best to either give it a couple of days (since the ear is fantastic, USUALLY, at clearing itself) or olive-oil it. Normally one or the other will sort you out.

This is amusing advice considering I sleep with ear plugs in every single night.

The hearing loss shit is unbearable today and causing me serious upset and mental fatigue. I can hear my own breathing and blood rushing and food chewing inside my head pretty much as loud as most casual sounds in my immediate vicinity. I have tried the red bulb thing last night as it comes free with the ear drops but it's done fuck all. I'm going to try it again shortly but if I get no result I'm going to the urgent care centre. I really just want this over and done with, I can't be dealing with how it's making me feel.

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #50 on: September 10, 2019, 04:51:13 PM »
kerosene

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #51 on: September 10, 2019, 04:59:01 PM »
This is amusing advice considering I sleep with ear plugs in every single night.

Hate to be That Cunt but this is likely a cause of your issues. Night-time/sleep time (according to your own circadian rhythm), and when you're prone in general is when your ear drains the most wax. You'll probably notice that you've been pissing Otex into the pillow if you don't have plugs in-- which is a good thing. If you're taking Otex and wearing plugs all night then it's no surprise you're not losing much wax.

Quote
The hearing loss shit is unbearable today and causing me serious upset and mental fatigue. I can hear my own breathing and blood rushing and food chewing inside my head pretty much as loud as most casual sounds in my immediate vicinity. I have tried the red bulb thing last night as it comes free with the ear drops but it's done fuck all. I'm going to try it again shortly but if I get no result I'm going to the urgent care centre. I really just want this over and done with, I can't be dealing with how it's making me feel.

The bulb does take a few tries but it does work. Make sure you use body-temp or warm water (not cold) or you'll get yourself all dizzy and sick-feeling until the water comes out. If you have an UCC nearby they might syringe it for a few quid -- my local GP won't. Places like Specsavers also have audiologists (who are actually trained) who will microsuction the wax for you too.

Crabwalk

  • Member
  • **
  • I behaved like a skinhead.
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #52 on: September 10, 2019, 05:00:05 PM »
This sounds bloody awful Nags. Whenever I get a blockage and it lasts even a few hours it’s hellish.

On the plus side, lots of gigs are signed now so the Aphex Twin show might not be a total write-off.

Replies From View

  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #53 on: September 10, 2019, 05:31:16 PM »
Does anyone else here sing “anus, my ear” to the tune of Martha, My Dear?


Thought so.

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #54 on: September 10, 2019, 05:33:04 PM »
One of my ears is pretty damn blocked at the mo to the point where I can barely hear out of it.

However it's actually a bit of a boon because it means if I lie on my side so my good ear is embedded in the pillow I can't hear my fucking cats howling and scratching at the door all night.

chveik

  • who's gonna feed them hogs?
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #55 on: September 10, 2019, 05:34:56 PM »
One of my ears is pretty damn blocked at the mo to the point where I can barely hear out of it.

However it's actually a bit of a boon because it means if I lie on my side so my good ear is embedded in the pillow I can't hear my fucking cats howling and scratching at the door all night.

bring Ron back please. I already miss him

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #56 on: September 10, 2019, 05:38:46 PM »

Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #57 on: September 10, 2019, 06:27:04 PM »
This is amusing advice considering I sleep with ear plugs in every single night.

Had to do the same cause of the noisy fucker above me and had the same result. Caused constantly blocked up ears, horrible pressure, hearing like I'm ten feet under water. I really hated that cunt, still do, no forgiveness. The olbex is no fun either, loads of fizzing that itches like mad. I dreamt of getting an ear spoon and excavating the wax out, but I knew I'd just end up scooping my ear drums out. The reiief of not having to wear ear plugs any more has made life a wonder and a joy, don't help you I know but great for me. Do miss making big balls out of all that wax though.

Red Lantern

  • Golden Member
  • *****
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #58 on: September 10, 2019, 08:33:44 PM »
Sorry to hear about your troubles, Nags.

I used to sleep wearing ear plugs for 20+ years. I developed tinnitus on January 1st this year, and one of the treatments for it is to sleep with some ambient noise in the background. I bought a machine called a Sound Oasis (https://www.tinnitus.org.uk/shop/tinnitus-sound-therapy-s-680-sound-oasis), which plays the sound of rain quietly while I sleep. This has helped me a lot, I actually sleep better now than I have for years.

Might be worth a try? It would stop you wearing ear plugs, at least, which are probably exacerbating your wax problem.

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Re: Ballad of my poor face anus, aka my ear
« Reply #59 on: September 10, 2019, 09:55:19 PM »
Sorry to hear about your troubles, Nags.

I used to sleep wearing ear plugs for 20+ years. I developed tinnitus on January 1st this year, and one of the treatments for it is to sleep with some ambient noise in the background. I bought a machine called a Sound Oasis (https://www.tinnitus.org.uk/shop/tinnitus-sound-therapy-s-680-sound-oasis), which plays the sound of rain quietly while I sleep. This has helped me a lot, I actually sleep better now than I have for years.

Might be worth a try? It would stop you wearing ear plugs, at least, which are probably exacerbating your wax problem.

I have to ask how this sixty quid proprietary machine is superior to a set of speakers plugged into yer laptop (or even your phone on charge?) playing some rain noise off Youtube at a non-disturbing volume, something I've done my entire life. Though lately I can't be arsed to hook up the speakers so I just lay my headphones at the end of the bed with the volume up wack-a-doo so it's just barely audible enough to fill the void without making me shit the bed.

I have mild tinnitus in me left ear because of gunshots (nothing bawdy, I was taken on a bird shoot when I was a kid and the adults present didn't provide me with earpro) so I am intrigued.