Author Topic: York Notes For GCSE Students  (Read 958 times)

York Notes For GCSE Students
« on: July 29, 2019, 09:46:32 AM »
The Wife Of Bath, Geoffrey Chaucer (really old, like)


Geoffrey's wife really likes a bath. She doesn't even run a bath, she walks it, takes her time with it, stays in a bath all day. Geoffrey gets angry, visits prostitutes, his cock rots off, he builds a small cathedral. Still, his wife, with the baths, endless. He goes to a tavern and performs a rap about how much he hates washing, which gains traction amongst the gathered arseholes and soon a dirty riot is in progress with dung covered filthy cunts smashing up bath houses and lakes, pissing into the water supply and destroying every last toilet duck. Meanwhile, his wife dissolves in her lovely deep watery grave-tub.

Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2019, 09:53:05 AM »
The Great Gatsby, Gil-Scott Heron (1943)

Gary Gatsby lives in a hotel with his mates and parties all night. He loves it. It's like 1910 or something and martinis cost 2 cents and your dad sucks cock. They did a film about it. You should probably watch it.

a duncandisorderly

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Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2019, 09:55:04 AM »
>following<

Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2019, 10:04:22 AM »
Mansfield Park, Jane Austen (1800 or something)

A young woman of means grows tired of the promenading life and decides to open her own amusement park in Mansfield. It's got waltzers and tea cups and an animatronic paedophile tramp that shrieks "begging yer pardon ma'am but would you help a gentleman unsheath his trouser shrew" when a child walks past it. One day, this handsome dude, proper peregrine fop, walks out of a lake near the log flume and just sweeps her off her slippers. They make sexual love in a dappled grove whilst rollercoasters explode and fall flaming off their tracks, trailing screaming urchins in their wake, the bouncy castle smothers a herd of picknicking noblemen, and the robot hobo staggers off, eyes smoking, to acquire itself a real-life cock.

Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2019, 10:20:51 AM »
Animal Farm, George Orwell

Oh COME ON mate, you must have seen the cartoon for fucks, I mean isn’t it clear what the book is about anyway, about animals on a farm and the pigs are all evil. You are never going to pass these exams. You’re going to end up as Uncle Pete’s bunkmate with a tapestry of septic tattoos all up and down your gangly drug-hole limbs. You disgust me.

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Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2019, 12:04:50 PM »
A Tale of Two Cities,.Hans Christian Anderson (or someone)

We were unable to finish this. Good Luck.

pancreas

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Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2019, 12:25:38 PM »
Middlemarch, George Eliot

A coming of age drama set in a 1960s school in Detroit. It is the middle of march and the students are planning their summer break. The book focuses around Fred and Phoebe's faltering attempts to break out of their usual friendship groups to pursue a heady romance. The end of the book sees them fucking in the janitor's cupboard with many of their friends and teachers holding plastic cups to the door in efforts to find out if the rumours are true about Fred's chode.

Paul Calf

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Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2019, 01:04:10 PM »
Ulysses, James Joyce.

You can say what you like about this because anyone who says they've read it to the end is lying.

Lordofthefiles

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Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2019, 02:02:43 PM »
Ulysses, James Joyce.

You can say what you like about this because anyone who says they've read it to the end is lying.

The little red robot was cool and the crew of the spaceship floating about was really eerie.

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Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2019, 05:11:02 PM »
The Big Short, Michael Lewis (recent)

“This one isn’t actually on the syllabus, we only published it for a laugh and can’t believe you actually bought it! Which is also the lesson of the book. QED.”

Cuellar

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Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2019, 05:17:21 PM »
Finnegans Wake by James Joyce

"A real thriller. A man in Soviet-era Russia accidentally stumbles across a cache of nuclear secrets when he picks up the wrong briefcase in a park. Can he and his young, glamorous fiancee Alina find their way to the West before arch-nemesis Alexeivich and the rest of the KGB find them? This red hot novel casts a new light international relations in the Cold War, and the personal dilemmas of a man in love with a woman AND his country"

Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #11 on: July 29, 2019, 05:24:25 PM »
Wuthering Heights by Jane Eyre.

Tom Hardy is on his way back from his horse's funeral when he bumps into feisty local witch Wuthering, who scrapes all the muck off his face, puts him in a suit and makes him the talk of the village.

grassbath

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Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #12 on: July 29, 2019, 06:01:04 PM »
Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf

Woolf opens the novel with the sentence: 'Mrs Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.' Thus we are already being told something about Mrs Dalloway; she is unmarried, does things herself, likes flowers, is a lesbian, is unmarried, is a spinster, has a past, has memories, is a woman, is in London, is in a time period, is married, does things herself, and is a novel.

grassbath

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Re: York Notes For GCSE Students
« Reply #13 on: July 29, 2019, 06:10:38 PM »
Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell

Orwell wrote in his diaries that his inspiration for the figure of Big Brother was Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn.