Poll

Bags mate?

Yes mate
1 (10%)
No mate
1 (10%)
Mate
0 (0%)
Moat
4 (40%)
Cunt
2 (20%)
Another win for tedious, hyperbolic edgelordery
2 (20%)

Total Members Voted: 10

Author Topic: Scan the bag, bud.  (Read 3907 times)

Scan the bag, bud.
« on: August 01, 2019, 10:30:45 PM »
You know at the supermarket self-service, right?


You scan all your fuckin shit, fish fingers, antiretroviral placebos, incontinence pads, dogshit dinner, cyanide syrup? Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep.


Then you scan the bag.


Then you put all the shit in your fuckin bag so slow it's like you're on death row and you chose to pack a fuckin bag instead of having a last meal?


Scan the fuckin bag first man. Then just pack the cunner as you go along and have a trifle for your last meal ol' waster


They should have a sign up saying PACK THE FUCKING BAG AS YOU GO ALONG AIDS CUNT


I know this is pure Ed Byrne tier but I I mean it. How have people not figured this shit out yet? Minutes of my life ebbing away watching some ancient wraith scanning and then bagging. The staff should be injecting the decrepit AIDS hosts with Domestos if they don't follow the basic protocol. Get em a body bag.


Is this unfair? I'd love to hear a counterpoint. Slow, old, I don't mind. Senile is fine. Just do the fucking basics, old cunt, and save a few seconds of life for crossing the road or whatever other shit you take ages to do, you Davros-lookin husk.

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2019, 10:35:11 PM »
This amused me greatly. No further comment.

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2019, 10:39:53 PM »
I try to use the workers at the tills as much as I can.

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2019, 10:50:45 PM »
If you try and pack the bag as you go you end up jiggling it on the scales and then the machine gets confused and has a benny and requires a sullen shopworker to hammer in an unlock code. DICKHEAD.

chveik

  • I will monetize your eyeballs
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2019, 10:55:31 PM »
good point Seb, it's more tricky than it seems. the only solution is to bring your own bag.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2019, 10:58:42 PM »
Chatting to the checkout worker like the good old days when a supermarket was sparsely populated.

That was so last year’s annoyance

Now it’s

Chatting with the self-checkout machine

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2019, 10:59:52 PM »
good point Seb, it's more tricky than it seems. the only solution is to bring your own bag.

I've usually got me panniers or rucksack, which also upsets the machines.

a duncandisorderly

  • the rough and tumble of the internet
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2019, 11:05:01 PM »
I always nick something. I scan & bag much quicker than anyone else I've ever seen using these things, so I do it in whatever order I want, but usually I'm sensible about it. I take my own canvas backpack, & usually contrive a way (weigh) to have the 'using your own bag?' error come on after I've already put stuff in or next to the bag. so something will go in there without a beep. fuck 'em.

there. how'd'you like that?

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2019, 11:05:42 PM »
Anyone who uses the self-service - and I apologise if this seems a little harsh - deserves to be tortured and killed.

a duncandisorderly

  • the rough and tumble of the internet
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2019, 11:07:32 PM »
Anyone who uses the self-service - and I apologise if this seems a little harsh - deserves to be tortured and killed.

I agree, actually, but I go to sainos whenever I can, & since I'm a shift-worker, I'm often there when the self-service is the only realistic option. the two (out of two dozen) actual proper checkouts have big queues, & I DIDN'T COME HERE FOR A FUCKING NIGHT OUT, OK?

chveik

  • I will monetize your eyeballs
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #10 on: August 01, 2019, 11:08:10 PM »
that's also a very good point madhair.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2019, 11:10:43 PM »
I agree, actually, but I go to sainos whenever I can, & since I'm a shift-worker, I'm often there when the self-service is the only realistic option. the two (out of two dozen) actual proper checkouts have big queues, & I DIDN'T COME HERE FOR A FUCKING NIGHT OUT, OK?

Ive heard... seen... shops... usually whsmiths at Heathrow, where no human staff set foot. Just absolute garbage and beeps. Modern Britain

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2019, 11:10:56 PM »
Anyone who uses the self-service - and I apologise if this seems a little harsh - deserves to be tortured and killed.

Airport level in Call of Duty i'm thinking.

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2019, 11:47:24 PM »
Chatting to the checkout worker like the good old days when a supermarket was sparsely populated.

That was so last year’s annoyance

Now it’s

Chatting with the self-checkout machine
Have you chatted with the ones at Poundland? They're Yoda this month, pretty cool stuff

touchingcloth

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  • She is hot in the arse.
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2019, 11:58:22 PM »
What’s the supermarket self-service?

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #15 on: August 02, 2019, 12:30:14 AM »
the bags weigh fuck all so you put them down and it's mind can't handle it, do what any sensible person does and nick the stupid bag. Bizzies aren't gonna pile in over a plastic bag, they aren't arsed. Hello hello hello i've heard someones pocketed a bag here, fucking get them down the courts ASAP no bail no parole, sucked off to death. I got a halloween mask on offer once because it was November 14th or whatever and put it down and it couldn't recognise it because it weighed the same as a bag so I had to get some sorry bastard over to confirm I wasn't lifting a fucking mask of COUNT DRACULA.

Blumf

  • Not long now
    • IGNORE ME!!!
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #16 on: August 02, 2019, 12:32:32 AM »


I keep trying, but the wife's not got a barcode!

shiftwork2

  • Member
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  • mince pies this is your time
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #17 on: August 02, 2019, 12:37:17 AM »
Just select 'one bag' at the end.  Don't even have to scan the fucker.

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #18 on: August 02, 2019, 12:41:54 AM »
dont go the shop at all, fucking crap

Blue Jam

  • AM NO A GRASS
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #19 on: August 02, 2019, 12:42:01 AM »
Have you chatted with the ones at Poundland? They're Yoda this month, pretty cool stuff

The ones at M&S had the voices of Ant and Dec for a while. I was a little shocked- isn't it still a bit too soon? Is Ant really that immune to being #CANCELLED?

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #20 on: August 02, 2019, 12:46:49 AM »


"Unexpected item in bagging area"

Twed

  • What, prick? That's my child. My Johnson's child
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #21 on: August 02, 2019, 01:11:03 AM »
I bet supermarkets would save money in the long run by just skipping the entire weighing bollocks altogether.

touchingcloth

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  • She is hot in the arse.
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #22 on: August 02, 2019, 01:17:15 AM »
I bet supermarkets would save money in the long run by just skipping the entire weighing bollocks altogether.

Are bollocks what’s in the bag? Bawbags?

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #23 on: August 02, 2019, 01:23:08 AM »
Scan the bud, bag.

You see it? You see it? This is some high quality marijuana, old woman.

Twed

  • What, prick? That's my child. My Johnson's child
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #24 on: August 02, 2019, 01:24:54 AM »
Are bollocks what’s in the bag? Bawbags?
Why would I keep a bag in a bag?

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #25 on: August 02, 2019, 07:36:19 AM »
I will take 100 of your finest plastic bags, dear bagger

thenoise

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Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #26 on: August 02, 2019, 07:55:23 AM »
My Dad is immensely proud of the fact that he is unable to operate self service checkouts, 15 years after they became commonplace? I guess he's not clever enough to learn the complex task of scanning supermarket shopping, that teenagers on minimum wage or workfare recipients on even less, seem to manage after s few hours' training, after 15 years.

Shopping trip for me = earphones in, funny podcast on, head down and self checkout, job done.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #27 on: August 02, 2019, 07:55:33 AM »
Quote
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Norton Canes

  • Watching the Wednesday wheel
Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #28 on: August 02, 2019, 08:09:34 AM »
I like to stack my prospective purchases on the checkout conveyor in tight formation, Tetris-style - so the self-checkout is anathema to me.

You guys should try it, it's fun. I get all kinds of admiring glances.

Re: Scan the bag, bud.
« Reply #29 on: August 02, 2019, 08:13:44 AM »
Why would I keep a bag in a bag?