Author Topic: Things that no one else saw except you  (Read 2602 times)

alan nagsworth

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Things that no one else saw except you
« on: August 04, 2019, 10:30:58 AM »
About 15 years back in my home town I walked out of an underpass and on a small patch of grass I saw two cats shagging while a third cat watched from a short distance, about 20ft away. Small town, no one about. I laughed out loud and scared them off. Once in a lifetime shit.

A few years back, one night getting off a tube train in Turnpike Lane, there was a middle aged bloke coming down the escalator. Proper dyed in the wool punk rocker, big mohawk, patched up leather jacket, tartan trousers, the works. One of the adverts on the wall leading to the platform was for some monarchy-related attraction or something. Big smiley picture of the Queen on it. Sticking to his guns for his entire life, this guy can't walk past without venomously jerking two fingers up at it, right in Her Maj's cheery face. Lips pursed, leaning right the fuck into it with a thrust that could well have thrown the back out on a weaker man. Fucking HAVE THAT, Queen. It was late, no one down there except me and him, don't think he gave a fuck if I or anyone else saw him do it. He just had to do it. The passion in him burned bright as a thousand suns. Always has, always will. I think about that incident very often and it brings me great joy.

What did you see that no one else did, you dirty old bollocks you?

seepage

  • throwing a dog at some goblins
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2019, 10:35:14 AM »
your mum that time

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2019, 10:41:20 AM »
Just now, a woman littering into a hedge.

We need to waterboard these valves. Find the litter in your lungs you worldstain

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2019, 10:46:06 AM »
I hope you had words

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2019, 12:59:15 PM »
An elephant on wheels down an alleyway next to a mosque.

A ghostly herd of grey cows moving through a campsite like lowing clouds, 4 in the morning, holy time.

A little kid wearing a t-shirt, the t-shirt said "apple penis" on it, with the microsoft windows logo underneath.

An open umbrella in a river colonised by snails falling and rising on the current. Then a dead cat floating past, calico.

A tiny praying mantis poised on the corner pocket of a moldering snooker table that had been dumped in a bamboo forest.

White chocolate Lion bar, no one believes.






Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2019, 01:20:02 PM »
A branch of Tandy, late 80s.  A Teddy Ruxpin was on show, twittering away loudly with cheery stories and dancing along to little songs.

One of the sales staff walked over to it, winked at me conspiratorially and punched it - quite hard - in the face.

Duncan from Tandy, I was the only witness, and I have kept our secret.  Until now.


Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2019, 01:27:10 PM »
Bloke having a shit on the corner of Gilbert Road and Gurney Way.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2019, 01:27:15 PM »
Seagull taking notes on a little notepad.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2019, 01:42:47 PM »
RIP Rutger Hauer

A mouse flying on the wings of an eagle

zomgmouse

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Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2019, 02:10:53 PM »
The entire world through my eyes

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #10 on: August 04, 2019, 02:14:41 PM »
- Sometime after midnight on a mostly deserted main road, car drives past with lit sparklers poking out of each of the passenger windows.

- Solitary figure in an unlit park screaming abuse to an audience of geese and ducks (same night as the above)

Hard to explain why but these two events in conjuction gave me a feeling of Lynchian unease, some sense of evil being abroad. If only the street lamps had started flickering and sparking at that point it would have completed the effect.

non capisco

  • A+ in arson class
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #11 on: August 04, 2019, 02:20:12 PM »
The changing rooms of Larkfield swimming pool in Aylseford, Kent circa 1988. Glimpsed through an open cubicle door, a naked man with his eyes shut tight dancing a silent waltz. His arm tenderly crooked round his dancing partner, a towel.

non capisco

  • A+ in arson class
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #12 on: August 04, 2019, 02:23:29 PM »
Two homeless people having al fresco sex in Richmond Mews, Soho circa 2001, both singing "WALKING ON THE BEACHES, LOOKING AT THE PEACHES!"

kalowski

  • the Zone of Zero Funkativity
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2019, 04:04:38 PM »
Bloke looking at me and winking whilst I was having a shit on the corner of Gilbert Road and Gurney Way.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #14 on: August 04, 2019, 04:25:17 PM »
Bloke looking at me and winking whilst I was having a shit on the corner of Gilbert Road and Gurney Way.

Typo?

Butchers Blind

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Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #15 on: August 04, 2019, 05:27:52 PM »
Circa '96 I saw a man in a red telephone box with his trousers round his ankles, phone in one hand wanking with the other. 

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #16 on: August 04, 2019, 05:51:44 PM »
I walked into the garden of my uni house share, on a beautiful summers morning day, to check on the crops we had been growing, only to glance across the short brick divide at my middle aged neighbour, moaning in a passionate vocal tone, with his knob out, basking and reading the newspaper.

Usual fare, we would talk about growing fruit and veg, they even sent  a personal letter of appreciation letter to the university, regarding our effort to to turn a derelict garden into something fruitful, and they obviously smelt us burning drugs 24/7.

But this time was different, as I clocked him (Ray?), push his meat back into his shorts upon being discovered, things were never the same.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #17 on: August 04, 2019, 05:55:44 PM »
I walked into the garden of my uni house share, on a beautiful summers morning day, to check on the crops we had been growing, only to glance across the short brick divide at my middle aged neighbour, moaning in a passionate vocal tone, with his knob out, basking and reading the newspaper.


OK, curious now.  Was he literally just reading the newspaper with his knob out?  Or actually doing something with his knob?

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #18 on: August 04, 2019, 06:21:39 PM »
Sticking to his guns for his entire life, this guy can't walk past without venomously jerking two fingers up at it, right in Her Maj's cheery face. Lips pursed, leaning right the fuck into it with a thrust that could well have thrown the back out on a weaker man.

picturing that v-sign in a perfect alternative comedy style too right here. like full Vyv with the fingers spread slightly too far apart compared to real life Vs

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #19 on: August 04, 2019, 08:21:12 PM »
Cutthroat Island

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #20 on: August 04, 2019, 08:25:10 PM »
it coming.

kalowski

  • the Zone of Zero Funkativity
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #21 on: August 04, 2019, 08:25:53 PM »
Typo?
Not sure, he was in a red phone box.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #22 on: August 04, 2019, 10:39:48 PM »
Circa '96 I saw a man in a red telephone box with his trousers round his ankles, phone in one hand wanking with the other.

Oh christ, thats plunged me into a new emotion.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #23 on: August 04, 2019, 10:50:14 PM »
Not sure, he was in a red phone box.

Wasn't me then.
I was too busy masturbating on the bus.

And then I got off the bus. Ah!

Twit 2

  • In the boneyard of dreams
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #24 on: August 04, 2019, 11:14:43 PM »
A terrific hawk of some kind, as large as a Millie’s Cookies kiosk perhaps, saving the day! Crashing right into a telescopic murderer who had nearly finished extending himself into the open window of an orphanage. It was excellent.

Saw my mate Jacob’s mum’s refracted titten in an Orangina bottle.

Otter spraints in a filing cabinet, in neither O or S.

Golden E. Pump

  • Basically Morris Day.
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #25 on: August 04, 2019, 11:27:23 PM »
Well if it isn't the awfully convenient thread.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #26 on: August 04, 2019, 11:31:32 PM »
OK, curious now.  Was he literally just reading the newspaper with his knob out?  Or actually doing something with his knob?

My mind was focused on checking blight ridden tomatoes, but as the morning bird chorus rang, I'm pretty certain I saw a hand thrust, his face upon being spotted and a fumbled 'good morning' would validate this. Nice bloke.

kittens

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Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #27 on: August 05, 2019, 12:30:50 AM »
The Truth

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #28 on: August 05, 2019, 08:12:47 AM »
My mind was focused on checking blight ridden tomatoes, but as the morning bird chorus rang, I'm pretty certain I saw a hand thrust, his face upon being spotted and a fumbled 'good morning' would validate this. Nice bloke.

thanks for clarifying.  I was wondering whether there was some newspaper out there that could induce ecstasy without any manual stimulation (and if so, what it was).

Sorry to hear about your tomatoes.  Blight got a crop of our potatoes one year, and I didn't even have a masturbating neighbour to distract me from the pain of loss.

touchingcloth

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Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #29 on: August 05, 2019, 08:45:22 AM »
knob out

When I moved into my previous house, there was a big load of roof slates in the garden that we had no use for. I listed them very cheaply on eBay, and a bloke turned up to collect them in his flatbed van. I helped him carrying bundles of slates from the back garden to his van. After dumping one load I went round the back again to fetch another, and when I got back to the van I spotted the bloke with his trousers round his ankles pissing against his own rear wheel. He saw that I had seen him and mumbled a sorry (or an oops - it was hard to tell because of the mumbling), but he was in full flow so had to wait to empty himself before he could zip up again.