Author Topic: Things that no one else saw except you  (Read 2628 times)

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #30 on: August 05, 2019, 09:30:48 AM »
In a busy holiday park swimming pool with my kids, one of them happily splashing across the pool with his armbands on.
"Look at me, dad!" he shouts.

I look across  the water at him, his little face glowing with happiness. My heart swells with pride as I watch him approach the side of the pool where a woman is raising herself out of the water. I watch, concerned that she might swing her legs round and whack him in the face. He paddles right by her as she swings her legs round, the bottom of her bikini peeks open.
 
A split second view of full growler was revealed to me right behind my son's head. For all anyone knew I was smiling at my boy's swimming efforts, instead I was gawping at this lady's swiftly revealed genitals.

Later, in the same pool, Mrs Sheds points out a woman with a massive poo stripe up her swimming costume who was descending the steps into the water. We left immediately.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #31 on: August 05, 2019, 09:35:08 AM »
Nothing described in this thread happened.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #32 on: August 05, 2019, 09:46:29 AM »
thanks for clarifying.  I was wondering whether there was some newspaper out there that could induce ecstasy without any manual stimulation (and if so, what it was).

Sorry to hear about your tomatoes.  Blight got a crop of our potatoes one year, and I didn't even have a masturbating neighbour to distract me from the pain of loss.

Even with impeccable eye sight, I couldn't formulate the newspaper brand (under the circumstances). In hindsight, he was a rookie garden wanker, because the  paper bundle was only in one hand, not open and spread to shield his spunk gun. But yeah, a bad year for tomato blight.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #33 on: August 05, 2019, 10:03:40 AM »
not a particularly amazing thing that no one else has ever seen, but an annoying one in a way. was cycling through some woods in Germany last year. went up a hill and Mrs Sevendaughters is behind me by about 5 yards. a deer runs out of the woods, leaps over a small fence, and stops about 5 yards in front of me, sees humanity, and leaps over another fence on the other side of the road, and then pegs it down a hill. really spectral and beautiful moment on a sunny day.

i turn to share exclamation with the gf and she missed the whole thing as she was having a gear problem.

Twit 2

  • In the boneyard of dreams
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #34 on: August 05, 2019, 11:50:51 AM »
i turn to share exclamation with the gf and she missed the whole thing as she was having a gear problem.

If you were smoking weed like that the whole deer was probably imaginary.

JesusAndYourBush

  • Earnest silky coconut shell
    • http://www.google.com
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #35 on: August 05, 2019, 05:13:03 PM »
While on a packed bus on a hot sunny afternoon I saw a bright light in the sky (no not the sun! ho ho you joker!).  It was a bright pinpoint of light which hung there steady as a rock for a few seconds then slowly faded out.  While this was happening I glanced about and nobody else seemed to have seen it.  Too small to be the sun, too bright to be the light from a helicopter or plane, the fixed position rules out something burning up in the atmosphere.  In the absence of a plausible explanation it remains unidentified : I saw a UFO.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #36 on: August 05, 2019, 05:50:00 PM »
I once saw Katie Hopkins plummeting 50 storeys to crash through a glass and steel-framed skylight to land on a steel cafeteria servery hotplate. Then I opened my eyes thus ending the fantasy.

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #37 on: August 05, 2019, 07:10:28 PM »
The other end of a cock

Cerys

  • Bionic-Arsed
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Cyber Engineered Ravaged Yakking System
    • The Brainwrongs of Cerys
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #38 on: August 07, 2019, 12:02:54 AM »

White chocolate Lion bar, no one believes.




I BELIEVE

Golden E. Pump

  • Basically Morris Day.
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #39 on: August 07, 2019, 12:07:35 AM »
White Lions are so good Melle Mel should appear and say 'don't do it' every time you take a bite.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #40 on: August 07, 2019, 12:10:28 AM »
White Lion Bars can be found in B & M Bargains/Home Bargains shops along with other peculiar product lines which seem not to exist elsewhere, like Citrus-flavoured Listerine mouthwash. 

I’m not altogether convinced that they don’t dematerialise or transmogrify into something less exotic as soon as they are removed from the shed-like ambience of the bargain emporium.

Cerys

  • Bionic-Arsed
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Cyber Engineered Ravaged Yakking System
    • The Brainwrongs of Cerys
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #41 on: August 07, 2019, 12:17:41 AM »
Sadly they are made by Nestlé, so I must abstain.  Phooey.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #42 on: August 07, 2019, 12:20:44 AM »
Mc Hammer cartoon.

Flatulent Fox

  • I owe it all to Onions.
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #43 on: August 07, 2019, 12:40:27 AM »
Physics class ,circa 1997,where I sat to the side of one of my shittier friends called Derek.He was a cunt.

         Baked,during a long preamble where we would calculate the force of a projectile via the medium of an air rifle theory from Mrs Church ( She was a cool teacher )...
Fucking hell...
I flicked a piece of paper I was rolling in my fingers with a stupid look on my face off the table top,and it made a mad arc to lodge right in the ear hole of said Derek.
Like perfectly.Pure ballistics.

A shot in a million before my eyes.

I stood up and held both hands in the air in triumph silently while everyone else looked at me.
Del just looked confused and stoned and stuck his finger in his ear,failing to explain to the rest of the class.

I went on to study physics further.



zomgmouse

  • I love carrots
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #44 on: August 07, 2019, 06:30:53 AM »
The other end of a cock

So what you're saying is no one but you has seen the inside, body end of a penis?

monkfromhavana

  • Top one, nice one, get sorted
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #45 on: August 07, 2019, 07:17:58 AM »
25 years ago, Sultan Kebab House in Coventry city centre. Early afternoon, I walked past it and watched one of the employees licking the meat as it whirled around on the spit.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #46 on: August 07, 2019, 07:21:28 AM »
not a particularly amazing thing that no one else has ever seen, but an annoying one in a way. was cycling through some woods in Germany last year. went up a hill and Mrs Sevendaughters is behind me by about 5 yards. a deer runs out of the woods, leaps over a small fence, and stops about 5 yards in front of me, sees humanity, and leaps over another fence on the other side of the road, and then pegs it down a hill. really spectral and beautiful moment on a sunny day.

i turn to share exclamation with the gf and she missed the whole thing as she was having a gear problem.

What about your wife?

(Mrs and gf)

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #47 on: August 07, 2019, 07:24:06 AM »
25 years ago, Sultan Kebab House in Coventry city centre. Early afternoon, I walked past it and watched one of the employees licking the meat as it whirled around on the spit.

I will never eat there again!

monkfromhavana

  • Top one, nice one, get sorted
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #48 on: August 07, 2019, 07:28:45 AM »
It's still open, can't confirm if the employee in question is still roaming the serving area licking every meat stuff he can lay his tongue upon.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #49 on: August 07, 2019, 07:31:13 AM »
CaB Coventry meat/meet?

Voltan (Man of Steel)

  • 8% English, apparently
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #50 on: August 07, 2019, 07:42:47 AM »
Staff licking meat products? Amateur level kebab shop malpractice.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/west_midlands/7669625.stm

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #51 on: August 07, 2019, 08:15:48 AM »
When I was in my teens I did a paper round and used to cut through the grounds of a small hospital. One evening in December I met an old geezer at the bus stop at the side of it wearing only a dressing gown and his slippers. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was going to visit his son. I tried to suggest to him this was a bad idea (especially since he didn't seem to know where the bus went) and tried to guide him back into the hospital but he fell into the road. Luckily a very quiet road. I had to rush into the hospital and get some staff to bring him back in. I was supposed to be taking part in a carol singing thing with some people from school that evening but never made it. Nobody believed my excuse then and I doubt very much if anyone will believe me now. But it really did happen.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #52 on: August 07, 2019, 08:22:16 AM »
Staff licking meat products? Amateur level kebab shop malpractice.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/west_midlands/7669625.stm

Loved going to Pappu Sweet Centre after a few bevvies...in Haiti.

For fuck sake. That story is rancid. Makes you think, next time you want to go for some meats at 1am in the darkened corners of central England.

JesusAndYourBush

  • Earnest silky coconut shell
    • http://www.google.com
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #53 on: August 07, 2019, 10:45:30 AM »
Once I saw (from the top deck of a bus) into the back of a truck which was parked outside a kebab shop.  It was a typical builders truck, in the back section there were cement stains and rubble fragments etc.  Also filling the back of the truck was a whole load of quite large pieces of meat.  The meat wasn't wrapped up or anything and looked absolutely rancid and disgusting.  I wasn't sure if it was being delivered or taken away for disposal.

moondogs

  • Punch me in the face, hard
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #54 on: August 07, 2019, 11:18:48 AM »
 - A big wasp sat astride an even bigger cricket, ambling along together in harmony across a quiet Grecian road only to be run over in almost slow motion by one of the handful of cars travelling down the road that day.

 - A man in full evening wear punting down the river Cam at night whilst being sucked off by a woman in a ballroom gown.

 - A craft with split wings, looking suspiciously like an X-Wing, barrelrolling high in the sky above Reading. I fucking love planes, me, so this one puzzles me.

 - A very fast flying object, not a shooting star, streaking across the sky in South Devon at night before stopping entirely still and fading into nothingness. This was instantly followed by another craft travelling at a much more earthly speed, exactly on the same track, as if it had been following the first flying object.

- My own car rotating slowly but gracefully up and across the night sky, somewhere in a lay-by in rural Hampshire, as if part of some cosmic Ferris wheel, the landscape and shadows slowly and imperceptibly changing as we reached the summit and travelled back down again. There was a fair amount of ketamine involved in this one, though, so that might explain it.


Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #55 on: August 07, 2019, 11:33:56 AM »
So what you're saying is no one but you has seen the inside, body end of a penis?

Yes

Voltan (Man of Steel)

  • 8% English, apparently
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #56 on: August 07, 2019, 01:16:40 PM »
Loved going to Pappu Sweet Centre after a few bevvies...in Haiti.

For fuck sake. That story is rancid. Makes you think, next time you want to go for some meats at 1am in the darkened corners of central England.

Very true. And even more reassuringly, after the owner was prosecuted and banned from ever running a food business again, he handed ownership over to a close family member and went right back to work behind the counter. He may have been banned from operating a food business but he wasn't prevented from working in one.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #57 on: August 07, 2019, 07:38:51 PM »
I was working at the Gron Koncert festival travelling around Denmark a couple of weeks ago and, while I was doing a stint on one of the cocktail bars, I looked to see a girl wedge herself between the side of the burger tent and the mesh fence (which had a black advertising covering on it.....that she didn't know was see through from the other side) of the VIP area, pull up her skirt, pull her knickers to one side and do a massive shit. Then in one movement pull her skirt back up, slip back between the gap and rejoin her friends, who didn't even notice she'd gone it was that quick.

Quite impressive really, I suppose.

Noddy Tomkey

  • F U, stamp licker
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #58 on: August 07, 2019, 08:10:42 PM »
White Lions are so good Melle Mel should appear and say 'don't do it' every time you take a bite.

This is why you are Golden, E. Pump.

kalowski

  • the Zone of Zero Funkativity
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #59 on: August 07, 2019, 09:54:50 PM »
I was working at the Gron Koncert festival travelling around Denmark a couple of weeks ago and, while I was doing a stint on one of the cocktail bars, I looked to see a girl wedge herself between the side of the burger tent and the mesh fence (which had a black advertising covering on it.....that she didn't know was see through from the other side) of the VIP area, pull up her skirt, pull her knickers to one side and do a massive shit. Then in one movement pull her skirt back up, slip back between the gap and rejoin her friends, who didn't even notice she'd gone it was that quick.

Quite impressive really, I suppose.
This is why I don't like festivals.