Author Topic: Things that no one else saw except you  (Read 2604 times)

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #60 on: August 07, 2019, 09:56:43 PM »
It's why I love them.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #61 on: August 07, 2019, 10:07:17 PM »
It's why I love them.

Rancid.

If you get a copy of the triple vinyl version of the second Glastonbury Festival with all the inserts etc, the booklet has a picture of a hippy on a plank dangling his arse over mid dump (turtle head and all) - no need to go to any festival ever again

Twit 2

  • In the boneyard of dreams
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #62 on: August 08, 2019, 02:38:02 AM »
Quote
I was walking late one night along a tree-lined path; a chestnut fell at my feet. The noise it made as it burst, the resonance it provoked in me, and an upheaval out of all proportion to this insignificant event thrust me into miracle, into the rapture of the definitive, as if there were no more questions — only answers. I was drunk on a thousand unexpected discoveries, none of which I could make use of. This is how I nearly reached the Supreme. But instead I went on with my walk.

zomgmouse

  • I love carrots
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #64 on: August 08, 2019, 09:29:00 AM »
A man in Camden Town two days ago wearing a t-shirt that said

VIETNAM ERA AMERICA

I'm sure other people saw him but no-one else went wide eyed and then laughed out loud at it.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #65 on: August 08, 2019, 10:03:11 AM »
I saw a tree falling in the woods once. And I did hear it.

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #66 on: August 08, 2019, 10:31:26 AM »
Can this be merged with the DMT thread please?

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #67 on: August 08, 2019, 11:13:45 AM »
I still think of this beautifully mundane miracle to this day...me and the band I was in at the time were rehearsing in a dilapidated but nonetheless charming dive in around 2011...it was a studio above some shops with wooden rooms and next to no heating, almost a squat feel to the place. At some point during the practice I realised I needed to defecate. I went to the small cubicle which was in the same state as the rest of the place.

Sorry to get graphic, but I began my motion and then a weird thing happened. The sturdy log that I was egressing was halfway out but wouldnt go any further...I strained as usual but it just wouldnt conclude...and eventually went back up into my body. It was a very uncomfortable feeling and I ve never experienced anything like it. I went back to the rehearsal and felt weird and uncomfortable for the whole rehearsal.

At the end of the practice we went into the office to pay Steve, the benevolent nutter who owned the place. As we were forking out the money he suddenly said. "Oh did I tell you not to use the toilet?" We told him.he hadnt. He cursed and said he'd meant to tell us the toilet didnt work, the water supply line was completely broken meaning it wouldnt flush all. Basically if Id actually completed the defecation it wouldve been stuck in a waterless bowl. I wouldve had to admit it was me and someone wouldve had to have fished it out. Unthinkable.

But some kind of intervention came into play that day and I ended up passing motion at the wetherspoons next door, dignity intact. Ive never experienced that before or since, a whole shit going back up inside of you...Im sure it was just unlikely coincodence but Ive never told anyone about it due to what a grotesque and boring story it is

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #68 on: August 08, 2019, 11:27:11 AM »

The film Titanic

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #69 on: August 08, 2019, 11:37:43 AM »
The sturdy log that I was egressing was halfway out but wouldnt go any further...I strained as usual but it just wouldnt conclude...and eventually went back up into my body. It was a very uncomfortable feeling and I ve never experienced anything like it. I went back to the rehearsal and felt weird and uncomfortable for the whole weekend.

But some kind of intervention came into play that day and I ended up passing motion at the wetherspoons next door, dignity intact. Ive never experienced that before or since, a whole shit going back up inside of you...

Loved that story.  It's like one of those click bait 'The family dog growled at him....and then they found out why!' except with faeces.

'Saved from embarrassment by a psychic stool.....He wondered why his turd went back in... and then they told him THIS!!!'

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #70 on: August 08, 2019, 11:46:46 AM »
Stools are strictly amphibious, this one refused to commit Sepooku

zomgmouse

  • I love carrots
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #71 on: August 08, 2019, 12:22:03 PM »
Psy-cack

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #72 on: August 08, 2019, 01:54:50 PM »
A man in Camden Town two days ago wearing a t-shirt that said
VIETNAM ERA AMERICA
I know that manifestly isn't a palindrome on any level, but there's something about it that urgently makes me want to believe that it is.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #73 on: August 08, 2019, 03:09:32 PM »
I know that manifestly isn't a palindrome on any level, but there's something about it that urgently makes me want to believe that it is.

Yes, it's an odd-looking collection of letters that looks like a clunky anagram clue from a second-rate crossword setter.

Best anagram I can make from it, however, is 'Merit a caviar enema'.

EDIT: or, going with the rectal foodstuff theme, 'Mincemeat via a rear'

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #74 on: August 08, 2019, 08:32:38 PM »
At a gig once, a fan a few rows in front of me was filming his favourite song when the person behind tapped them on the shoulder and said "can you put that down, I can't see". After they continued to film, I heard "PUT your phone DOWN....." The next thing will haunt me to the day I die. They grabbed the phone from their hands, smashed it on the floor and screamed "I FUCKING WARNED YOU, YOU SELFISH CUNT". Well, I was staggered. I looked round but no one else seemed to notice. It was a special moment that only myself and that brave stranger, sorry, friend shared. I guess that person must have been in a shit mood that day.

I've told many people of this tale but they never believe me. I've emailed Davina McCalll in the hope she can use her contacts and reunite us. I'll keep you guys updated as soon as I hear anything.

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #75 on: August 08, 2019, 10:02:17 PM »
I ended up passing motion at the wetherspoons next door, dignity intact.

Debatable

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #76 on: August 13, 2019, 12:51:02 PM »
I once spilled a can of Foster's onto a carpet and the stain was the EXACT shape of Australia

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #77 on: August 13, 2019, 06:46:18 PM »
When I moved into my previous house, there was a big load of roof slates in the garden that we had no use for. I listed them very cheaply on eBay, and a bloke turned up to collect them in his flatbed van. I helped him carrying bundles of slates from the back garden to his van. After dumping one load I went round the back again to fetch another, and when I got back to the van I spotted the bloke with his trousers round his ankles pissing against his own rear wheel. He saw that I had seen him and mumbled a sorry (or an oops - it was hard to tell because of the mumbling), but he was in full flow so had to wait to empty himself before he could zip up again.

Did you forget that at the end and shake his hand on completion of the transaction?

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #78 on: August 13, 2019, 07:56:51 PM »
I once spilled a can of Foster's onto a carpet and the stain was the EXACT shape of Australia

I spilled some water on the kitchen floor and it was kangaroo-shaped.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #79 on: August 13, 2019, 08:23:14 PM »
My bed sheets look like a map of Africa.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #80 on: August 13, 2019, 08:35:28 PM »
i was tripping on shrooms at the beach and this old dude with a permanent popeye gurn and an honest to god lobster claw for a hand came over and started talking about how he worked on the rigs back in the day. i said "oh i bet that lobster claw came in handy" and he sort of looked at it and was like "this old thing? yeah great for pinching off steel cables." we both had a good laugh, then he wished me well, waded into the surf and disappeared beneath the waves forever.

every time i tell people about the lobsterman they get really uncomfortable and assume i'm just being mean about a random stranger's disability, but i swear to god it was a bonafide lobster claw right up to the elbow. all dark, shiny and wet. it stank to high heaven of the deep ocean and even made a loud clacking noise when he snapped it shut.



H-O-W-L

  • CHRIST! CAT BRUSH!
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #81 on: August 13, 2019, 09:14:39 PM »
I was in Brighton once and I was the only soul to see a man in a grey suit with a white shirt casually stroll up to a high skip (one of those fuck off like six foot high ones) reach up, pull himself up with no strain, and fall straight into the thing and out of sight with a crash. I stared in awe for about five minutes then continued on my way. He might still be there to this day.

Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #82 on: August 13, 2019, 09:22:01 PM »
i was tripping on shrooms at the beach and this old dude with a permanent popeye gurn and an honest to god lobster claw for a hand came over and started talking about how he worked on the rigs back in the day. i said "oh i bet that lobster claw came in handy" and he sort of looked at it and was like "this old thing? yeah great for pinching off steel cables." we both had a good laugh, then he wished me well, waded into the surf and disappeared beneath the waves forever.

every time i tell people about the lobsterman they get really uncomfortable and assume i'm just being mean about a random stranger's disability, but i swear to god it was a bonafide lobster claw right up to the elbow. all dark, shiny and wet. it stank to high heaven of the deep ocean and even made a loud clacking noise when he snapped it shut.

Did he look anything like this?


Sin Agog

  • Dogs fucked the pope; no fault of mine
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #83 on: August 13, 2019, 11:14:29 PM »
I was in Brighton once and I was the only soul to see a man in a grey suit with a white shirt casually stroll up to a high skip (one of those fuck off like six foot high ones) reach up, pull himself up with no strain, and fall straight into the thing and out of sight with a crash. I stared in awe for about five minutes then continued on my way. He might still be there to this day.

Speaking of Brighton, I seem to be the only person to have witnessed the two dudes in a kayak molotov the West Pier into its current ashen state.  I was working at a skate hire hut on the edge of the pier at the time.  The case still remains unsolved.  Mostly because I am an ardent devotee of that old Bushido aphorism: snitches get stitches.

H-O-W-L

  • CHRIST! CAT BRUSH!
Re: Things that no one else saw except you
« Reply #84 on: August 13, 2019, 11:50:40 PM »
Speaking of Brighton, I seem to be the only person to have witnessed the two dudes in a kayak molotov the West Pier into its current ashen state.  I was working at a skate hire hut on the edge of the pier at the time.  The case still remains unsolved.  Mostly because I am an ardent devotee of that old Bushido aphorism: snitches get stitches.

I swear to god I saw someone standing out on the West Pier once and absolutely nobody believes me.