Author Topic: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS  (Read 286 times)

LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« on: August 07, 2019, 04:18:56 PM »
Massive bumming - Gloucester - £49 for a family of four

Beans on toast and a glass of squash for 2 - Fulham - £12.99

Karting but with salt-coated shards of glass lining the crash helmets - Various locations - £25 per person

Fuck a falcon - New Forest - £8 per thrust, £5 surcharge for protective cock-mitten

Bleach factory tour - Newcastle - £2 per person, £5 for family of four

A nice curry with an old school friend - Various locations - £15 for dinner with Andrew "Pissy" Mitchell, £20 for dinner with one of the kids who didn't stink of piss, £50 for dinner with the fittest girl from your year (due to circumstances beyond our control, girl may now be a woman and no longer fit)

Agatha Christie Murder Mystery w/ Paul Ross - Paul Ross' house - £5 for two.

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2019, 11:28:49 PM »
Half off a violent assault in a train station toilet. Two thirds for couples.

Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2019, 01:14:47 AM »
Phone your own town and have it speak back at you like a real consciousness. ** NO FISTING.  NO DOGS. ** - £14,0900/ses.  Please do not accept gifts.  Please do not swear.  Hurry! No fisting. This coupon is for life.  No town-wasters.

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2019, 09:49:14 AM »
Wurly-blown umbos 6
Shied ureas 8.5
Sixte gotch culots (open) 1.5
Single fauna yawn 15
Newtbergs 3.5
Zonal eruca [ask inside]
Golli-swops 4

Order now for early BEPT dodge

Glebe

  • I sure did that thing!
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2019, 10:36:38 AM »
Twelve and Fuckney - 50% off!
Grapes - 100% off!
Towels - the 1% off?
Gonks - free till Thursday!

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2019, 10:42:35 AM »
Sit in on a REAL doctor telling a couple their daughter has died! - £50 £20!!! - John Radcliffe Hospital, Oxford. Ask for Chris. THIS WEEKEND ONLY!!

An afternoon hiding in the bushes with local expert! - £15

Couples ONLY! - £10ppph

Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2019, 12:12:17 PM »
Boycie Rides - Sue Holderness' Challis Farm, Beds - £15 per person for 20 minutes

An Audience With Fern Britton's Gastric Sleeve - Various locations - £5 per ticket

Sevenoaks Cunt Festival - Sevenoaks, but it may spill over into Tonbridge depending on the severity of the cunts in attendance - SOLD OUT

35 bottles of Head & Shoulders that may be tainted with unidentified animal faeces - Free delivery - £28

Unidentified animal faeces that may be tainted with Head & Shoulders - Free delivery - £2 per kilo

Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2019, 12:14:56 PM »
Exquisitely curated and sustained car crashes. Come for a "brake" with your family and experience our ultra-slow motion, immersive road accidents.

For two: Six hours in a Ford Focus getting mangled under a combine harvester.  £66  just £24 per adult for 6 hours.

Families of up to six: Twelve solid hours of uninterrupted burning tyres, exploding air bags and vomit. We promise a death! £40 a steal!

Seven day special: An entire week of tortured, shrieking metal buckling and twisting around you, splintered glass and endless screaming. Guaranteed broken bones and permanent scarring. No exiting the vehicle once the crash has started. Buffet provided. £55 per day.



Elaine, Mansfield

★★★★  My husband and I did this for his birthday. Absolutely loved it. Miss him dearly. R.I.P. Ray.


Bill, Donnington

★★★★★  Destroyed my penis and testicles in a Renault Clio last year. Marvellous stuff. Would recommend for couples who want to put a bit of excitement back into their marriages.

Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2019, 12:40:45 PM »
YOUR ACTUAL DEATH

This is your ticket off this shit-hole DISAPPOINTMENT planet!

Thousands of ways to go!

What you'll get:

An absolutely Dignitastic send off, crafted to suit your specifics!
Emotionally satisfying end to everything!
Half-price pet and/or child companion to the afterlife.


Only £69 per extinction. Group snuff for up to 20 people from just £650 £400!

EVERYONE MUST GO!


At participating branches of Aldi, Lidl and Ron's Soul Vacuum only. Offer ends December 2019.




Ian, Staines

★★★★★ Got this for my kid's tenth birthday. Tied balloons to his face and pushed him out of a plane. Cracking.

Janet, Meulnes

★★★ My husband surprised us all by having his skull drilled through by a bloke who writes the idents for the Dave channel.


Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2019, 02:48:51 PM »
Latest! Newtberg accessories:

Peepo fo'hat 9
Loose-bet forbs 9
Jutty-dog chaum 9
Forward-going twilt 9
Zaps incl. cokey hearts 9
Whore-moths 9.9

Chollis

  • Master of Codes
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #10 on: August 08, 2019, 04:32:12 PM »
Laugh out loud funny GT
★★★★★
 

Glebe

  • I sure did that thing!
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #11 on: August 08, 2019, 04:56:53 PM »
Bobert's Looney Thursday, £15 w/voucher
Saturday Afternoon Off, a fiver if you ask for "Phil"
Greek Tragedies, two quarts a cudgel
Bleak Nigel, £3 for two, expires 2/5/14

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #12 on: August 08, 2019, 05:02:49 PM »
Fulfill a childhood dream - get gunged* by Dave Benson Philips! Relive your youth and enjoy a day of hilarious hijinx and nervewracking nostalgia as Dave Benson Philips subjects you to a classic gunging! Fun for all the family, even the kids who weren't even born when DBP was in his gunging heyday! £30 - Penzance Industrial Estate, Unit 4. ALWAYS KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING

*sexually assaulted

Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #13 on: August 08, 2019, 05:33:55 PM »
Dragged around by your ankles in a muddy field by a Suzuki Jimny experience - Durham - £20 per person, please bring your own rope

2 hour soft play and Thai massage - Max Macaque's Jungle Playground now incorporating Eastern Delights, Nuffield Trading Estate - £5 per person. Strictly no entry for patrons over or under the age of 18 unless accompanied by an adult or child

Candle-lit plate of 10 boiled eggs and glass of water for two - The Dandelion Inn, Tintagel - £9.99

Extreme barcoding - Harrison's Labels, Norwich - £5 per person, £15 for a family of 4.

Spa day with your choice of 3 agonising treatments - Bovington camp, Dorset -  £40 per person, £3 surcharge for wound dressings, £5 surcharge for hot stone stoning


Glebe

  • I sure did that thing!
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2019, 06:31:46 PM »
Chives, £1.99
Asked for Rice with That, 50% off tomorrow
Sudden Fright, 99
Thunderous Applause, $450.00

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #15 on: August 08, 2019, 09:48:36 PM »
I'm working on one, need to know what is the funniest value for "% claimed"?

Thanks x

Glebe

  • I sure did that thing!
Re: LATEST GROUPON LOCAL DEALS
« Reply #16 on: August 09, 2019, 01:56:40 PM »
Known Grumpins, 25c
A Batch of Umpkins, £12.99
"Hello, Jared!" £15:99
And you can get a free Vauxhall car if you ring before 2PM Tuesday and ask for Phillipa!