Star Trek but Kirk can't be arsed with this shit

[Alberon]

SULU: Sir! Klingerns off the starboard bow!

KIRK: (Sighs) Well, shoot them or something. (Presses button on his chair) Engine room.

SCOTTY: Scott here, captain!

KIRK: Have you ever asked yourself what the point of all this is?

SCOTTY: Sir?

KIRK: I mean, week after week, all the explosions and the running about. And that shaking can't be good for our innards.

LATER

PRINCESS RACCHINNA A'TRALLLL: Tell me about this Earth custom called kissing.

KIRK: This again? Why do I have to be an interstellar slag up and down the quadrant?

P.R.A.T.: Does my body offend you?

KIRK: It's the same old same old every fucking time. I'm sure you look cracking, but there's so much vaseline on the lens I really can't tell.

P.R.A.T.: Eh?

LATER STILL

SPOCK: I'm detecting a signal from the planet below.

KIRK: Jesus! Find someone who cares!

[Mr Banlon]

Bones: Jim, you've contracted space-AIDS from that green bird.
Kirk: Not arsed mate, rocket-cigs.