Author Topic: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!  (Read 3380 times)

hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« on: August 19, 2019, 09:45:54 AM »
1. Olaf Falafel
“I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’ – I think I might have florets.”


2. Richard Stott
“Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.”


3. Milton Jones
“What’s driving Brexit? From here it looks like it’s probably the Duke of Edinburgh.”


4. Jake Lambert
“A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course. That’s 20 cows’.”


5. Ross Smith
“A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it.”


6. Ross Smith
“Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It’s the reason I get up in the morning.”


7. Adele Cliff
“I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it.”


8. Richard Pulsford
“After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging.”


9. Mark Simmons
“To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian.”


10. Ivo Graham
“I’ve got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts.”

Absorb the anus burn

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2019, 09:48:14 AM »
Wow. Weak.

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2019, 09:51:25 AM »
That Lambert one is just a Tim Vine gag from about 10 years ago with cows instead of sheep.

NoSleep

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2019, 09:53:28 AM »
No Frank Chickens?

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2019, 09:56:23 AM »
Number 2 and number 8 are fine but the rest make me want to puke.

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2019, 10:06:21 AM »
The antidepressants one is as old as time, isn't it?

The rest are basically just puns, aren't they. Puns are good, witty things that everyone can enjoy.

The 'florets/tourettes' joke is just poor. They barely sound alike at all.

Norton Canes

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2019, 10:13:04 AM »

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2019, 10:13:18 AM »
That semaphore gag is a ripoff of an old Gary Delaney tweet:

Quote
I'm 20 hours into my sponsored semaphore marathon; unfortunately I'm starting to flag quite badly.

Jockice

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2019, 10:16:00 AM »
That Lambert one is just a Tim Vine gag from about 10 years ago with cows instead of sheep.

And the only one I either haven't heard before or find funny.

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2019, 10:21:29 AM »
- Doctor doctor! I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower'.

- Get out of my surgery, you stupid cunt.

Bennett Brauer

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2019, 10:26:46 AM »
No 1 has the best comedian name, but his line is the sort of anti-joke that I we would post followed by seven exclamation marks to annoy people.

The anti-depressant joke is good but I'm sure I've seen it on Twitter before. Could have been him in the first place, or people who've seen his show.

Milton Jones has let himself go.

The sleep joke is fine if it's a throwaway line at the beginning of a section on sleep.

No 7 is terrible but oh god we haven't got a woman on the list yet...

Chances are they've all got better jokes in their repertoire and it's all the judges' fault.

BlodwynPig

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2019, 10:28:48 AM »
my mother in law is so ugly

she's been dead for 10 years

Cuellar

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2019, 10:30:18 AM »
MY mother in law is very beautiful

She has been dead gone 15 year

Bennett Brauer

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2019, 10:35:56 AM »
Mother-in-law is an anagram of "woman Hitler", and if you met my mother-in-law you'd understand why!

She's always wearing a T-shirt that says 'Mother-in-law is an anagram of woman Hitler'.

Alberon

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #14 on: August 19, 2019, 10:37:12 AM »
Milton Jones’ effort raised a small smile, but that’s it. And I’m sure that’s far from the best joke in his show.

The florets one is weak as fuck and annoys me for deliberately misrepresenting how Tourette’s works (it’s very far from being all about involuntary swearing).

The list also annoys me because it excludes anyone not doing a two line joke. But it fills a news article on a slow August day, I suppose.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #15 on: August 19, 2019, 11:07:37 AM »
The Guardian did a different list about a week ago which I thought was better:

Quote
Steff Todd: My new boyfriend told me he’s got my face as his wallpaper, which I thought was cute until I saw his lounge.

Olaf Falafel: Actors who can cure my lisp? I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway, but I’m going to ask Colin Firth.

Catherine Bohart: I suppose lesbian sex is a bit like cricket, in that it goes on for ever and there are a lot of men watching it at home, alone, on the internet.

Darren Harriott: My mum said she’s turning my room into a study. I doubt it, unless she’s doing a PhD on Coronation Street and Echo Falls rosé.

Alex Kealy: When applying for a job as an estate agent, the interviewer worried that my CV was a bit small. I said actually it’s really cosy and I was immediately hired.

Joz Norris: Do you reckon the band Chic ever found any takers for that free cow they were always trying to get rid of?

Ken Cheng: The other kids all called me “token” growing up. At least that’s what they put at the top of my Christmas cards. Sure, there was a space between the “to” and the “ken” but the point remains the same.

Lucy Beaumont: My auntie Barbara won’t buy free-range chickens because she says you don’t know where they’ve been.

Darren Walsh: Cat flaps are for pussies.

Flo and Joan: I know that Banksy’s my dad, because I never see him.

I mean some are weak (Darren Harriott's one I thought was really poor) but it's a better lot than the other list.

metaltax

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #16 on: August 19, 2019, 11:13:49 AM »
Quote
Ken Cheng: The other kids all called me “token” growing up. At least that’s what they put at the top of my Christmas cards. Sure, there was a space between the “to” and the “ken” but the point remains the same.

Jesus. Credit the audience with some ability to work stuff out for themselves.

Captain Z

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2019, 11:25:01 AM »
That Lambert one is just a Tim Vine gag from about 10 years ago with cows instead of sheep.

I thought it might have been Milton Jones but yes, I can't believe that made the list when even I recognised it being from someone else.

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #18 on: August 19, 2019, 11:40:07 AM »
Jokes about Tourettes are fucking hack trash. Not sure how it's still acceptable to misframe mental illness.

It's not even a good pun

icehaven

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #19 on: August 19, 2019, 12:00:31 PM »
I heard the florets one on the news this morning and thought it meant the salad brand Florette, which makes it even worse.

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #20 on: August 19, 2019, 12:18:52 PM »
Isn't the stress in florets on the first syllable? At least, that's how Eddie stresses it in the Carnival episode of Bottom when he says he went to loot a 'couple of pounds of broccoli florets'

Whereas the stress in Tourette's is on the second syllable

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #21 on: August 19, 2019, 12:23:50 PM »
Yes why its not even a good pun

Angrew Lloyg Wegger

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #22 on: August 19, 2019, 12:35:07 PM »
One Peter Beardsley, there’s only one Peter Beardsley...

thenoise

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #23 on: August 19, 2019, 01:01:46 PM »
Jesus. Credit the audience with some ability to work stuff out for themselves.

I assumed he improvised the last bit when the audience failed to get the joke (or, at least, failed to laugh).

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #24 on: August 19, 2019, 01:06:24 PM »
Do you reckon the band Chic ever found any takers for that free cow they were always trying to get rid of?

Can anyone explain this one to me? I will find it funny then.

non capisco

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Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #25 on: August 19, 2019, 01:27:36 PM »
Do you reckon the band Chic ever found any takers for that free cow they were always trying to get rid of?

Can anyone explain this one to me? I will find it funny then.

Aaaaaahhhhhhh... free cow! (Freak out)

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #26 on: August 19, 2019, 01:40:28 PM »
Norris has bemoaned inclusion on that list has led people to come expecting something like one of them lads off the telly

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #27 on: August 19, 2019, 02:42:44 PM »
Aaaaaahhhhhhh... free cow! (Freak out)

Topical

Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #28 on: August 19, 2019, 02:44:41 PM »
Aaaaaahhhhhhh... free cow! (Freak out)
Ah yes, of course it makes sense now! I'm such a dummy. Cheers!

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: hold onto your sides it's the ten funniest fringe jokes!
« Reply #29 on: August 19, 2019, 05:03:35 PM »
It's perilously close to one of Andy Dawson's bits on Mince, mind.

"Do you think Blondie still has that heart of glass? I mean it was etc. etc."