Topic: Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra

[Inspector Norse]

Fuck it I say we bring the World Cup trophy to The Oval and hand it round the crowd at lunch

I say send it out to bat at number four, can't do a worse job than the guy there now

[poo]

Unchanged squad for the final test. Jesus fucking wept.

[sevendaughters]

Unchanged squad for the final test. Jesus fucking wept.

in a way the worst decision with the series still to be drawn, and in a way it keeps the disease off anyone with potential.

[Inspector Norse]

Thats fucking mental.

Not a fan of Root as a captain but he’s basically had his hands tied from the beginning. He inherited a bunch of these batting problems from the Cook era along with a head coach who isn’t interested in test cricket, the whole system being geared towards winning the World Cup and selectors (Ed Smith) showing themselves not to be up to the job.

I’m not arguing that there’s not a huge rebuilding job to do, but for me, I don’t see how they can burn Root as a captain while moving forward as a team.

By persuading him that right now, he needs to focus on getting back to his best. Convince him, as they should, that he has the talent to be up there with Smith, Kohli and Williamson as he once was: remember 2014-16, when he was playing comfortably in all conditions against all attacks, finding fluency and flawless technique in every match? He looked just as good as those guys then: he undoubtedly has the technique but his head has gone thanks to captaincy and the increased ODI focus. The old Root would not have been bombed out the way he was in this series, he wouldn't have struggled and scraped his fifties the way he did here.

Captaining your country is obviously a huge honour and no, not an easy one to relinquish. But good managers and coaches would be able to show him that he is regarded as a key player whoever is captain, and it's the world-beating batsman that the team needs, not the wet blanket he has been as a leader.

[sevendaughters]

LOSING PERCENTAGES OF THE ENGLAND TEST CAPTAINS OF MY LIFE
Alec Stewart 53.3%
Graham Gooch 35.2%
Michael Atherton 38.8%
Nasser Hussain 33.3%
Michael Vaughan 21.57%
Andrew Flintoff 63.6%
Andrew Strauss 22%
Kevin Pietersen 33.3%
Alastair Cook 37.29%
Joe Root 41.9%

Yes more cricket has a definite result and his winning percentage is also solid. But in tandem with the crash of not just his batting but LITERALLY EVERYONE'S I think there's a real case for giving him a gold watch and an engraved tankard and showing him where the door is.

[Inspector Norse]

I do like wasting time on Statsguru to make scathing points about England's weaknesses that will only be read by four people on a messageboard, two of whom will disagree with me anyway.

Today, for example, I have found that all of Jonny Bairstow's test centuries and half his fifties have come in the first innings when England have batted first. In other words, perhaps when the least scoreboard pressure is on and when the pitch is at its most docile.

Bairstow in the first innings of the match: 38 innings, 6 100s, 10 50s, average 52.00
Bairstow in the second, third or fourth innings of the match: 81 innings, 0 100s, 11 50s, average 27.78

[EOLAN]

I do like wasting time on Statsguru to make scathing points about England's weaknesses that will only be read by four people on a messageboard, two of whom will disagree with me anyway.

Today, for example, I have found that all of Jonny Bairstow's test centuries and half his fifties have come in the first innings when England have batted first. In other words, perhaps when the least scoreboard pressure is on and when the pitch is at its most docile.

Bairstow in the first innings of the match: 38 innings, 6 100s, 10 50s, average 52.00
Bairstow in the second, third or fourth innings of the match: 81 innings, 0 100s, 11 50s, average 27.78

Would the vast majority of those be as wicketkeeper? Maybe his batting capability is reduced after a long session of squatting and concentrating on his keeping.

[sevendaughters]

further analysis of Bairstow's centuries

- 150 vs. SA. Made while Stokes was tonking it around. Eng made 629, SA declared on 627 in reply. VERDICT: road.
- 140 vs. SL. On home ground but the only centurion in a score of 298. Won by an innings. VERDICT: matchwinner.
- 167* vs. SL. Man of the match performance, taking team from 84/4 to 416. Match drawn. VERDICT: deserved better for effort.
- 119 vs. Aus. Supported Malan ably but Eng's 403 still saw them lose as Smith scored 239 and Mitch Marsh 181. VERDICT: good knock deserved more.
- 101 vs. NZ. top-scored in a teetering top order performance. Match drawn. VERDICT: kept us in it.
- 110 vs. SL. MOM, top scored, promoted to 3. VERDICT: matchwinner.

Was expecting them to be milky easy centuries but he has come good once a year.

[Quote]

I think there's a real case for giving him a gold watch and an engraved tankard and showing him where the door is.

Don’t bother with the watch and smash him over the head with the tankard.

He’s genuinely an awful captain. His batting can still be saved and absolutely should be his main focus. I think most of the blame lies with Bayliss, Smith and the ECB. Joe’s not a good captain, it happens. He bravely gave it a go - failed miserably, so move on. But the whole test team has been lurching from one disaster to the next for years now and nothing gets done about, in fact it seems a point of principle to carry on in the same lackadaisical, brain dead manner. The amount of embarrassing batting collapses we’ve seen is criminal. Not just against good attacks either, we got bundled out for nothing by Ireland.

Seems like we just don’t identify the players who can potentially become test match batsmen anymore, all of our picks over the past few years have failed. Burns is doing okay and might make the grade but otherwise it’s been like cattle to the abattoir. I’m sure there’s still some potential test match players out there, batsmen with solid techniques and brain’s not riddled with AIDS. Until we get a top order capable of setting a platform for them our fabled ‘lower order batting strength’ is irrelevant anyway - if Bairstow, Buttler and the rest can even be called a strength based on recent displays.

Scour the counties, the academies and where ever else for solid top order batsmen and then work on helping them get their game to the required level. Spending the next three years trying to convert Jason Roy into Mike Atherton is doomed to failure.

[greenman]

LOSING PERCENTAGES OF THE ENGLAND TEST CAPTAINS OF MY LIFE
Alec Stewart 53.3%
Graham Gooch 35.2%
Michael Atherton 38.8%
Nasser Hussain 33.3%
Michael Vaughan 21.57%
Andrew Flintoff 63.6%
Andrew Strauss 22%
Kevin Pietersen 33.3%
Alastair Cook 37.29%
Joe Root 41.9%

Yes more cricket has a definite result and his winning percentage is also solid. But in tandem with the crash of not just his batting but LITERALLY EVERYONE'S I think there's a real case for giving him a gold watch and an engraved tankard and showing him where the door is.

Honestly though how much of this is down to Root himself and how much a general shift in focus towards the one day game? England have arguably shifted from picking test players in one daye teams to picking one dayers in test teams.

[Inspector Norse]

I'd argue it's certainly more because of the ODI blindness, but Root's sogginess has been the final touch. One of the best players of his generation has been turned into David Brent.

[sevendaughters]

Solid burial by George Dobell here.
https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/id/27571263/england-not-good-think-are

[Inspector Norse]

Seems like we just don’t identify the players who can potentially become test match batsmen anymore, all of our picks over the past few years have failed. Burns is doing okay and might make the grade but otherwise it’s been like cattle to the abattoir. I’m sure there’s still some potential test match players out there, batsmen with solid techniques and brain’s not riddled with AIDS. Until we get a top order capable of setting a platform for them our fabled ‘lower order batting strength’ is irrelevant anyway - if Bairstow, Buttler and the rest can even be called a strength based on recent displays.

Scour the counties, the academies and where ever else for solid top order batsmen and then work on helping them get their game to the required level. Spending the next three years trying to convert Jason Roy into Mike Atherton is doomed to failure.

They found Hameed three years ago, then tried to turn him into a one-day player and now he works at Currys in Chorley.

[Quote]

He was doing great until exposed to the England team. He did look good for that one match.

He should have been handled correctly and supported, then he might not be flogging phones.

[Norton Canes]

Ha ha straight in with an unchanged side for T5.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Ha ha straight in with an unchanged side for T5.

Yeah it's great never mind that we have been the second best team in nearly every session of the series.

Perfect chance to shitcan the dross, and yes I am singling out Bairstow, Roy and Buttler whose approaches have demonstrably failed.

Pick patient tough backs to the wall players against such a good bowling attack, and that will provide the platform for Root and Stokes to play fluently.

[iamcoop]

Interesting interview with Cook in the guardian where he states his belief that Australia ball tampered during the last Ashes series. Also says after a couple of post test beers Warner let slip that he’d ball tampered during a first class game.

[Thursday]

Root's going to stay captain, so for the love of God put him back to number 4. The logic that had him moving to number 3 doesn't really seem to make sense when the whole top 3 has been so unsettled anyway, Root does seem to have been effected by the order, whereas the rest of them, it doesn't seem to matter anyway.

[sevendaughters]

Interesting interview with Cook in the guardian where he states his belief that Australia ball tampered during the last Ashes series. Also says after a couple of post test beers Warner let slip that he’d ball tampered during a first class game.

Oh yeah that whole SA tour definitely cast a whole shadow over the whole 'leadership group'. I believe they were cheating at every possible opportunity especially in their most important test series when they were wanging a famously dead ball around corners!

[Harry Badger]

Legend Sir Geoffrey https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49639222

[EOLAN]

Legend Sir Geoffrey https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49639222

As I read down the list Sir Geoffrey's boyhood nearly seems the least egregious of the lot (well at least half). A debate for elsewhere but May's opposition party saboteur John Mann also being offered some sort of qualified peerage. Yuck.
 

[Cuellar]

https://twitter.com/sturdyAlex/status/1171331525373308934

And he voted Leave because he was convicted of domestic abuse in France when he reckons he wouldn't have been in England (?)

It's literally the 'bring back our plucky paedophiles' from the Armando Iannucci Show

[Thursday]

Kevin Pietersen has been slagging off Jack Leach.

How fucking dare he criticise OUR bald speccy paedophile? The fucking cunt. I'll kill him.

[iamcoop]

I think I speak on behalf of the forum when I say I’d take a fucking bullet for that fucking slaphead.

[sevendaughters]

just read the piece - https://blog.betway.com/cricket/kevin-pietersen-betway-blog-fourth-and-fifth-ashes-tests/ - I think he's more worried that people are treating him in this jokey club cricketer way and that maybe he lets that happen when he could/should be taking wickets. Leach hasn't quite performed with the ball (averages 30 so not awful either) but he's not really the guy who you should be blaming.

[iamcoop]

As much as I’m loathe to admit it I actually agree with pretty much everything KP says there. I also found that whole “reenacting the run” thing odd at the time and ripe for it to come back and haunt old leachy boy, as it did when Smith decided to reenact his no ball after Old Trafford.

Anyway announcing exactly the same squad for the last test makes me wonder why I bother wasting my time following this absolute shower of sexual offenders. Every time I hear Joe Root “taking a lot of positives” out of anything other than a prescription of PrEP I wanna kick a fucking window in. Anyway I’ll be there at the radio for the first ball like the stupid cunt I am.

[The Boston Crab]

Still the best threaded of the year. Bravo today all concerned. I really feel like we've been a part of something here, in the same way that the England team have all shared in an immunodeficient en masse transfusion fuckdown.

[sevendaughters]

I honestly think we'll get blown away inside 3 days in the final game. They might rest one of their guns but still they've got the good Patto. Warner century. England are still mentally on the canvas and the guy attempting to light a fire under them looks like a Boys Brigadeer trying to find a drunk girl to finger at an indie night.

[poo]

England should get properly hammered in the final test. I’ll be TMSing it to fuck and back though, like a stupid cunt.

[Thursday]

It's okay now I want us to get destroyed. I don't want a crack-papering win.