Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Joe Root has just made two pronouncements, 1 that a return to form is just around the corner, 2. that Bairstow will become one of the worlds best test batsmen.

While we recover from laughing at 2, it is noticeable that virtually every gee-up PR Root has ever attempted has resulted in the inverse outcome.

[sevendaughters]

20 mins in and Aggers and Finny, after declaring Archer the right choice for the new ball, have waffled for 10 mins about bantering with the lads in a manner suggestive that the game is doing naff all.

[king_tubby]

NOW THEN

[Quote]

Woakesy strikes, Williamson out.

[sevendaughters]

Latham is a quality player. NZ have got a 3 match series in Aus straight after this, would love to see him do well.

[Thursday]

Why do they always keep celebrating after it's going to DRS. Look silly now.

[Thursday]

Good morning.

*Looks*

"Yessss!"

[Inspector Norse]

Bowling first looks like another inspired decision from milk monitor Root there

[Cuellar]

Went to bed just after Broad took his wicket, just checked score. Standard.

[sevendaughters]

uninspiring stuff last night.

[sevendaughters]

just seen the Aus/Pak score, pathetic

[Thursday]

So did I read 9:30pm start today?

They should have been doing that anyway really. Lazy.

[sevendaughters]

ok, scoreboard looks a bit less terrible now Latham is gone.

[sevendaughters]

can't decide if Finn's cultural void routine is brilliant or infuriating

[Inspector Norse]

ok, scoreboard looks a bit less terrible now Latham is gone.

A dismissal worthy of the England skipper as well, doing all the hard work brilliantly then having a massive brainfade next morning.

Oh now Nicholls is out too. Suddenly this looks a lot better for England

I call it 427/6 when I wake up

[Inspector Norse]

Inspiring ad hoardings there:

GLORIOUS SOUPS! BOWLS OF ADVENTURE

[Thursday]

Quite like the look of New Zealand as a place to live to be honest. Can I escape there once we get an overwhelming Tory majority?

[Thursday]

lol going to regret that review later

[sevendaughters]

yeah I'll be honest I'd consider visiting if it wasn't so far away, seems nice and boring in the best way possible ie. stable and good scenery

[sevendaughters]

Woke to check score, Sibley out first ball I heard, Denly out now, this is real England fandom.

[Moribunderast]

I haven't followed the cricket very closely for years but have been watching a bit of this Australia vs. Pakistan test. Pakistan seem to have the most un-threatening, limp bowling attack I can recall seeing. All the pace bowlers seem slow and the spinners completely ineffective. No wonder David cunt Warner is setting a ludicrous score against them. Frustrating too, as an Australian, seeing his shows of emotion being met with adulation from the crowd. He's a fucking cheat! If there's anything us Aussies love it's hating foreign cheaters but making excuses for our own and then celebrating their "redemption".

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

This is the worst batting lineup England have assembled since 1999 and we are going to get absolutely killed.

[poo]

Cunts.


LOVE IT

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Warner's celebrations are like watching a grown man patting himself on the back for beating up a small child.

It is on the same level as that Nev Southall/Michael Owen clip.

The crowd should have been chanting CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT or even DIE DIE DIE the grovelling set of hypocrites and bullies.

[sevendaughters]

Shaheen's bowling figures, considering the calamity around him, are impressive.

[Thursday]

Warner's celebrations are like watching a grown man patting himself on the back for beating up a small child.

It is on the same level as that Nev Southall/Michael Owen clip.

The crowd should have been chanting CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT or even DIE DIE DIE the grovelling set of hypocrites and bullies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2x_DI7tzNQ

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Arrived in England with an actually meaningful assignment in the most important series of his career and averaged 9 across 5 tests.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

9


Seriously.


335no after the event is like having an epic wank after already tearing your foreskin to shreds midway through.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you needed was any kind of meaningful contribution to your team's crucial away Ashes tour.

[Thursday]

For goodness sake, Root hits 17 and they're getting incredibly excited on TMS.