Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra

[Thursday]

8am.

It'll work well for me this series, since my work days start at 8am

[Satchmo Distel]

England have a decent record in South Africa, whose batting can cave to accurate bowling. Wouldn't think England's batting can withstand a fully fit SA attack, however.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I understand South Africa are a side in transition but they are still at home and England are a fucking wretchedly awful side now - especially away. Laden with dreck, paed-load critical.

And their increasingly Brexity band of followers should be rechristened AIDS Army.

[Inspector Norse]

Pope has the mystery bug. Bairstow in line for a return.

Seriously lads, we know you love him but infecting half the team with norototorovirus just to create a convincing excuse to recall him is a step too far.

[Quote]

Hopefully Stokesy's da will get the grim reaper in a headlock and beat the shit out of him, leaving his son free to concentrate on the cricket (and being one of few members of the team not on the sex offenders register).

[Inspector Norse]

England win the toss!

... and bowl.

I have a horrible feeling that will turn out to be another black mark against Root's "fresh and funky" captaincy.

[Inspector Norse]

And there's Bairstow. He's earned his place by playing exactly 0 first class games since getting dropped.

[poo]

Alright lads

[Thursday]

What a start by Anderson making a real statement about preferring adults to children. Let's see if the rest of his actions live up to that.

[Dr Trouser]

We chose to bowl first? - fucksake.

What's the black armbands for now?

[Mr Eggs]

No TMS? Fuck Talksport. Dodgy Sky streams all the way down.

[Inspector Norse]

We chose to bowl first? - fucksake.

What's the black armbands for now?

Bruce Willis

[Mr Eggs]

BUY ANDREX BOGROLL.

[Thursday]

No TMS? Fuck Talksport. Dodgy Sky streams all the way down.

I don't understand this "cricket social" thing they do and why they do it instead. Just interminable.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Fuck off to the cordoned off AIDS area YJB

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Some good references on cricinfo commentary to the sheer amount of shitting and vomiting the England players have been doing.

[Mr Eggs]

I don't understand this "cricket social" thing they do and why they do it instead. Just interminable.

Yeah but you can listen to Trotty and then try and stop shouting INSERT IT INTO YOUR ANUS when he's talking to Finny.

[Mr Eggs]

Oh fuck. I'd forgotten about ‎Andy Zaltzman.

[Thursday]

Oh fuck. I'd forgotten about ‎Andy Zaltzman.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

^ antisemitism of the intolerant Marxist left

[iamcoop]

Why did we put them in. Batting on this 4th innings is gonna be a right fuck on. Oh well at least there's BANTER GOUGH and KEVIN PIETERSEN to talk me through it. Oh and JARROD KIMBER get innnnnn

[Thursday]

Did they reckon Stokes might want an extra day before batting? Only reason I can think of.

[Thursday]

Why did we put them in. Batting on this 4th innings is gonna be a right fuck on.

You're assuming we'll avoid the follow on.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Curran still AIDS-free at this moment but under attack

[Thursday]

Curran still AIDS-free at this moment but under attack

With Curran, it's like he's in year 11, but you see him chatting to this group of girls from year 9 sometimes and it's a bit weird.

[Inspector Norse]

de Kock aiming for the world record for the most runs off edges in one innings here

Captain Decisive Root reacts by putting a man at long-on

[Inspector Norse]

Actually quite a common issue for England: wipe up the top order then lose it when a couple of blokes start swinging.

[Harry Badger]

Archer has clearly spent the post-Ashes period in an early 1980s San Francisco bathhouse.

[Thursday]

It's a shame, but the culture of the England cricket team has clearly rubbed off on him, normalised it. Can't really be avoided.

[rjd2]

Where is crab?

shocking lack of COCK gags when Quinton is batting.