Cricket 2019 part II: arise King Jofra

[king_tubby]

Fucking hell Stokes!

[king_tubby]

WHERE IS YOUR JESUS NOW SO-CALLED MARNUS?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I'm listening on radio but I'm trying to work out from the fuckawful commentary what is happening.

Ah, I worked it out when they shut the fuck up and let the umpire roll through the review. They literally didn't even commentate that it was a potential LBW given out.

[Cuellar]

Hahaha stokes is getting the peronis in for that!!! Lad

[Mr Eggs]

5 minutes for all fucked off.

[king_tubby]

Marnus? More like MRANUS, am I right?

[Cuellar]

Get Archer on to bounce one off Lyon's baldy pate

[king_tubby]

FINISH HIM

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

YESSSS


EXISTENCE BASTARD with 6 graves for 44

[Thursday]

FUCKING YES

[Cuellar]

THEY CAN'T PLAY THE CUNT

[Mr Eggs]

Much better batting conditions forecast tomorrow.

England all out for 112.

[Thursday]

I'm sure we'll fuck up with our batting tomorrow, but at least we've avoided the follow-on.

[The Boston Crab]

FOLLOW ON

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Haha, sounds like a giggling fucking 8 year old kid on the radio.

After having just BRAINED AUSTRALIA INTO THE GRAVE

[Thursday]

Australia's 3rd best batsman was Extras (13) That's England tier-aids.

[Mr Eggs]

Has Agnew gone for a wank? Cricket correspondent cunt.

[king_tubby]

Jofra's gone straight out to do the Otley Run and he's in The Hyde Park already.

[BlodwynPig]

Jofra kicked out post Brexit

[sevendaughters]

this is such a new thing for me, my favourite players are usually doughty nurdlers and carthorse yeomen, Archer is like a Ferrari with a tank cannon attached.

[king_tubby]

Fuck me, he's now in the Dry Dock and has burnt it to the ground for being 'shit'.

[dontrunyoullfall]

Anderson going into a coma was the best thing to happen to this team. Drawing lots to pull the plug out.

[sevendaughters]

Anderson going into a coma was the best thing to happen to this team. Drawing lots to pull the plug out.

he'll be back at Old Trafford, I'll be writing erotic fanfic about his new ball partnership with Archer.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

[Thursday]

he'll be back at Old Trafford, I'll be writing erotic fanfic about his new ball partnership with Archer.

Imagine surviving a session against Archer and Anderson, but then you've got to deal with Broad's stupid cunt face looking at you.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Jof suits baby faced assassin but as he gets older he needs to start pivoting to compensate for falling speeds with raw mule attitude.

He should start growing a dirty, shitty, festering handlebar moustache and look and smell like he has been dragged out of a fucking Albanian brothel latrine at 4am. Every time he passes the umpire the non striker should be hit with a ripcurl of it on the wind, gag and quiver. Gag and quiver.

[iamcoop]

Word from the Oak is Jofra's 6 Peronis deep and daggering a stunner in the unnerving big yet badly kempt beer garden.

[imitationleather]

Word from the Oak is Jofra's 6 Peronis deep and daggering a stunner in the unnerving big yet badly kempt beer garden.

They've all got big yet badly kempt beer gardens by the time I've finished with them.

[poo]

The fucking business

[The Boston Crab]

You heard it here first. Jofra changed my life.