Weird sexual euphemisms in music

[Gregory Torso]

I've been listening to "Pony" by Ginuwine a lot recently, and frankly that's none of your shit business, but anyway, I have, mostly at work, on my break, I sit at an elevated table and listen to "Pony". For those of you with a turdlike grasp on mid 90s hopscotch rules, it's an early Timbaland piece, very sexy, and wormlike, a sexual earthworm.
The music is like drunk sex on a tram as a robot dry heaves in your ear, synthetic squelchy notes lurching along underneath Ginuwine's princely squawks.

But it's the lyrics that interest me. In 1996, Ginuwine wrote "If you're horny lets do it, ride it, my pony", and that's fine. Horses are often used in to signify penis-in-vagina penetrative sexual love, large dongs, power and masculinity. So, the pony is his dick, that's canon, that's understood, but the next line is "My saddle's waiting, come and jump on it" and that's where I start to have problems.
OK, Ginuwine in 1996, you've got this equine theme going, but it's clearly a metaphor for how sexually horselike you are and not that you're actually a horse, so why are you bringing a saddle into it? Is the saddle the dick as well as the pony is the dick? Because I'm imagining either a saddle-shaped cock which is just untenable, or a literal saddle. Like Ginuwine wants me to ride him around my flat awkwardly until his ulnas snap like bamboo chopsticks.
"My saddle is waiting". Mate, I know you're trying to be all sexy and cowboy and raw dog, but all I see is Gummy Wines waiting patiently with saddle, stirrups and mouth bit, for some gold-top honey to get on and then he crawls off slowly, obviously in discomfort, as she bogles on top of his straining back.

You have not thought this through. You do not have a saddle. Yes, you have a pony, maybe say feed my pony a carrot, or let's get some dressage going, some un-dressage. Feed my nags head. Muck out my stable and put a blanket on me. You went too far. Later he starts going on about jockeys, as well before abandoning the whole horse metaphor and listing some places that he's done some fucking in.


Anyway, to make this into something useful, what are the weirdest sexual euphemisms you've heard isms

[Gregory Torso]

whoops i fuckd up din i

[Jerzy Bondov]

Sledgehammer is meant to be about sex isn't it? There's a touch of Tenacious D's Fuck Her Gently to it though, as in the verse he's on about all honey bees and fruit and then in the chorus it's SLEDGEHAMMER.

[boki]

Sledgehammer is meant to be about sex isn't it?

CW: Heavy divorced dad vibes

[Lordofthefiles]

What is her "Rum and her Ribena" in Billericay Dickie by Ian Dury?

I bet that's one!!

[Better Midlands]

Pull Up To The Bumper is about anal.

[the]

sexual

Would the metaphorical saddle not be his lap? Sit in my saddle (lap) and ride my pony (penis). Okay, so the metaphorical saddle isn't ON the metaphorical pony, but they're in adjacency at least.

His follow-up 'Equine Knobgasm' recieved fewer plaudits

...

While I'm here, I Wanna Sex You Up (ASCAP) presents a disturbing conundrum with the line "We can do it til we both wake up"

[flotemysost]

Not so much weird, as unimaginative as fuck:

I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop


Then later on he describes the atmosphere as being 'hot as a tea kettle', yeah alright Grandad.

[Famous Mortimer]

Pull Up To The Bumper is about anal.

I only have a short white limousine, though :(

[Lordofthefiles]

Pull Up To The Bumper is about anal.

Correct!

I thought The Wurzels' cover/homage, "Bull up to The Pumper", was so obvious in its execution that it was rendered absolutely humourless... not to mention it being, quite, quite, homophobic.

[kalowski]

Why anyone bothers with this kind of stuff in their music following Spinal Tap's Big Bottom I don't know.


Hilariously, my son was listening (and missing the point of) Love Gun, by Kiss. "You pull the trigger of my...Love Gun "

[Golden E. Pump]

"Like a strawberry, chocolate, fender jazz, mashed potato fuzztone,
All over your thighs."

Prince - Come

[kalowski]

Working on a sex farm
Trying to raise some hard love
Getting out my pitch fork
And poking your hay.
Scratching in your henhouse
Sniffing at your feedbag
Slipping out your back door
I'm leaving my spray.
Sex farm woman
I'm gonna mow you down
Sex farm woman
I'll rake and mow you down.
Sex farm woman
Don't you see my silo risin' high.
Working on a sex farm
Hosing down your barn door
Bothering your livestock
They know what I need.
Working up a hot sweat
I'm scratching in your pea patch
Plowing through your bean field
Planting my seed.
Sex farm woman
I'll be your hired hand
Sex farm woman
I'll let my offer stand
Sex farm woman
Don't you feel my tractor rumbling by
By, by, by.
Working on a sex farm
Wolfing down some cornbread
I'm turning on the TV
Joining the grange.

[thugler]

Acdc - let me put my love into you
'let me cut your cake, with my knife

[MiddleRabbit]

The 1968 bubblegum pop explosion was full of this sort of stuff - Yummy, Yummy, Yummy; Chewy Chewy and, my personal favourite: Magic Windmill by JCW Ratfinks.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=45kUaFb4m-0

The euphemism in this conceit is that, if you've had a shit day, why not go to your bedroom and have a wank?

[Bently Sheds]

Andy Partridge is a bit of a bugger for this sort of thing.

Wonder Annual
Open up your Wonder Annual
Turn on the leaves of your private book
Open up your Wonder Annual
And, if I may, can I lay and look?
At the shells full of pearl
That will float from your gate
He's looking at his missus' fanny, innee?


My Brown Guitar
We can play every day
We can play at being lovers
We can play every day
We can play on my brown guitar...

...There be inchworm, there we football
Take my yardstick, stir some lovely
He's talking about his donger, innee?

the dorty fecker.

[momatt]

Hey, Black Eyed Peas - Humps aren't sexy.  You fucking cretins.

Oh you mean that's another word for your arse?  Or your tits?  Ah, nobody else has ever said either of those ever.  Fuck off into a grave forever please.  Cheers.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Sex Farm

I think these are the funniest lyrics ever written.

[Famous Mortimer]

Hey, Black Eyed Peas - Humps aren't sexy.  You fucking cretins.

Oh you mean that's another word for your arse?  Or your tits?  Ah, nobody else has ever said either of those ever.  Fuck off into a grave forever please.  Cheers.

"London Bridge" by yer Fergie is a reference to a rather fun-sounding sexual act, too.

[Twed]

Sledgehammer is meant to be about sex isn't it? There's a touch of Tenacious D's Fuck Her Gently to it though, as in the verse he's on about all honey bees and fruit and then in the chorus it's SLEDGEHAMMER.

Gabriel is always doing that. Steam + it's video is creepy. The sincere swaying and shaking of a baby from an apple tree is really something.

[Gregory Torso]

Would the metaphorical saddle not be his lap? Sit in my saddle (lap) and ride my pony (penis). Okay, so the metaphorical saddle isn't ON the metaphorical pony, but they're in adjacency at least.

Now I'm thinking about a man with a saddle over his lap and his penis poking through the middle asking some poor girl if she wants a pony ride.

[falafel]

Darling it's better
Down where it's wetter
Take it from me

[jobotic]

Zz Top - Somebody else has been shaking your tree. Supposed to be saving all that stuff for me.

Gene Vincent - Who's pushing your swing baby, since I've been gone? I knows you been swinging and you can't swing alone.

[kalowski]

No Carter made a whole career out of stuff like this. A quick selection of his songs:
Please Warm My Weiner
Pin in Your Cushion
Banana in Your Fruit Basket
My Pencil Won't Write No More
Let Me Roll Your Lemon

[Lordofthefiles]

My Boy Lollipop

[thecuriousorange]

"Squeeze my lemon 'til the juice runs down my leg."

[Brundle-Fly]

I only heard recently that John Wayne Is Big Leggy by Haysi Fantayzee involves a bit of anal too.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I'm not 100% sure but I think that Kelis' milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard is her muff.
George Formby's little stick of Blackpool Rock is his small, hard cock.

[SteveDave]

"London Bridge" by yer Fergie is a reference to a rather fun-sounding sexual act, too.

According to Google:

What does Fergie's London Bridge mean?

London Bridge crosses the Thames River in London. ... There are many possible interpretations for just what Fergie's "London Bridge" refers to, but she seems to be "falling" for a guy every time he comes by. The collapsing bridge is a metaphor for her inability to resist his charms.

Perfectly innocent.

[popcorn]

"Russian roulette is not the same without a gun," sang Lady Gaga.

"Well, no, it isn't at all," said my mother, chopping carrots.