LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[dex]

The Ledge is in a foul mood. Daz and the other lads have a rare day of one-upmanship in branding Gary Gay-ry! Smashes up half the wing mirrors on the street's row of parked cars as a "straightener".

[wosl]

Several hours after he has once again been overheard insisting on a link between religious headdress observance and military field medical supply shortages, a "substantially incoherent" Legend Gary is found wandering around on the outskirts of town dressed as a mummy.

[Glebe]

Gary shape-shifts into a can of Tizer.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary claims to be the first Briton to glass someone with a plastic bottle.

It wasn't frivolous though, fully justified.

[Glebe]

"I've still got bits of plastic in my face," moans Daz.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Legend Gary has hired a local artist to paint a mural of Captain Tom holding a giant poppy on his garage.

[Glebe]

Gary is living in Daz's shed. Daz is unaware of this.

[Glebe]

"And - CUT!"

"Cheers Daz, that's another episode of Gary's Anti-Mask Rant Podcast in the can. Now put it on the internet with your nerd skills."

[Glebe]

Cheesy Wotsits supplies run low when Gary goes on an extended binge. "Tony Montana had his coke, I've got me Wotsits, Daz!"

[Glebe]

Gary breaks his record for most bus stops smashed in a day. "48 Daz. Beat that!"

[wosl]

Legend Gary builds 'a monument to the fallen' out of Peperamis.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Legend Gary puts his penis in a jar of mustard "to see what it feels like"

[Glebe]

Daz is upset because his pet hamster, Jerry the Hamster, has died.

"Pull up your socks, Daz," threatens Gary in a 'kindly' voice. "The grief will only get worse, but y'must tough it out it nonetheless and be a man. So dry your eyes mate... worse is to come!"

[Fr.Bigley]

Gary has been invited to Pete Waterman's office to talk about what should be included on Max Power magazines new compilation CD "Now that's what I call Gary" vol. 3.

[Glebe]

Gary is screaming abuse all day on the heath. He's on his fifteenth Stella now. Wearing nowt but shorts in the chill autumn wind.

[Glebe]

Gary keeps saying he has "Delhi belly" in a 'funny' accent.

[Bum Flaps]

Inspired by Barlow's line in cheap piano plonk, Gary is busy in the shed perfecting the recipe for 'Gary Wine'.

"Get your smackers around this lovely drop of stuff Daz!"

[jenna appleseed]

"Daz Help!! I've got my cock stuck in this wine bottle

again"

[Fambo Number Mive]

The logo on Gary Wine is a photo of.Gary's arse.

[Glebe]

'Gary Wine: 1% of proceeds go to Our Brave Boys.'

[Bum Flaps]

Gary Wine is only available by the pint or gallon.

'None of their fackin centi-cunty-litres round here Dazzo!" 

[Glebe]

"A smooth finish, with hints of Stella and boot polish. Only available in Britain!"

[Bum Flaps]

"A smooth finish, with hints of Stella and boot polish. Only available in Britain!"

"Daz, Daz, Daz!

Some online connysewer reckons my wine tastes Polish, I'm absolutely gutted, everything I've worked for is in tatters."

[Glebe]

"Daz, Daz, Daz!

Some online connysewer reckons my wine tastes Polish, I'm absolutely gutted, everything I've worked for is in tatters."

"As one of Britain's greatest smellyiers, I take great pride in my wine! You won't find this among y'duty frees!"

[Cuellar]

Legend Gary pulls at his best mate's funeral.

It's only the dead kid's mum!!!

[Glebe]

Legend Gary pulls at his best mate's funeral.

It's only the dead kid's mum!!!

Shoplifts a box of Black Magic, pulls some of the neighbour's prize daffodils up and grabs a bottle of his own-brand wine. "All set for the first date!"

[king_tubby]

Legend Gary's got a new job as a columnist in the Observer.

[Glebe]

Gary starts jamming Daz into a big bin. Passers-by try to discourage him, but no way, he just keeps on jammin'.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary's got a new job as a columnist in the Observer.

Legend Gary slips so seamlessly into Hadley Freeman's column it creates a situation compromising the entire Jewry of Israel.

[jenna appleseed]

'Gary Wine: 1% of proceeds go to Our Brave Boys.'

Garry's mum says her little Gazza's such a brave boy, isn't that right, our Gaz?