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March 28, 2024, 10:37:27 PM

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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

'' If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen you little poofter'' bellows Gary at an increasingly pink looking Tumour Chris laid prone in the sun lounger.

Some of us can take it, some of us can't, thinks Gary.

Two weeks on a drip and a skin graft.

'Send the bill to the spic NHS, cheers'

Glebe

"GAZ... THERE IS NO DEATH!"

"Fuck's sake Gary I'm sorry I got these mushies now."

dex

"ACHTUNG!!!"

Its coming up to fireworks season and Daz has to put up with double air-bombs being piut through his front windows by the Ledge for the next fortnight.

Lucky Aidrian Flux gave Daz some comprehensive house insurance. Life saver!


BlodwynPig

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on October 25, 2019, 03:16:01 PM
HERE DAZ HOLD ME NANDO'S BOX.

https://metro.co.uk/2019/10/24/man-threw-poo-nandos-box-woman-going-home-funeral-10975856/

QuoteThe court heard that the pair had watched England crash out of the World Cup to Croatia, before making their way to the train station in leafy Bath.

Unnecessary juxtaposition and exposition

Journalism today!

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You know what Daz

What mate

I was just thinking




Go on



Women man

Women




I know Gary

Glebe

"Daz, would it be less gay if we kept our clothes on?"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

The pair of twats pass a street called Gay Lane

Daz, Daz.... Stop. I'm going to need a while.

Glebe

"They come over here taking our jobs Daz."

"Who, the immigrants, Gary?"

"Nah Daz, the gays. The gays."

Glebe

"Lets go fishing, Gary?"

"What's a fishing, Daz?"

Fambo Number Mive

Legend Gary gets the date lasered off his Brexit tattoo again.

NJ Uncut

Gary gives way to a learner driver by lobbing a lit banger out the window, where it bounces off the side of the learner car and goes off, shocking the driver.

"Fucking hell mate it's not bonfire night for another week!" screams the instructor, rolling the driver window down.

"It isn't? Soz." Gary lobs the Catherine wheel Daz has lit through the window. Direct hit - the learner's lap! "Happy Halloween then cunt. Trick!!"

Jim Bob

"Fuckin' cunts, mate."

"Who, Gary?"

"Dem! Fuckin' cunts, mate!"

"Sorry, Gary. I'm not sure who you mean exactly."

"Fuck's sake, Daz. Dem!"

"Dem?"

"Exactly."

Captain Z

Legend Gary effortlessly turns a trivial remark about cars into a graphic discussion of his testicles.

Glebe

"There's this programme called Fools & Horses Daz, it's great!"

"You are a fucking idiot, Gary."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary reckons you would need to be a proper nonce to put anyone in the recovery position.

Legend Gary is soon silently raping a paralytic Daz who was placed carefully in the recovery position.

'Haha, he will be so mad when I find out I've raped him'

NJ Uncut

The Ledge gets a KFC Just Eated to his door. Knock knock

"very good outfit there, very scary. You're dressed up as a cunt!"

The fellow, in his usual attire, responds, "Yeah, I'm not a trick or treater. Had it all night... Here's your food."

"Suppose you want a tip mate?" Gary starts to pull something from his pocket.

The fellow looks wary. "What, as long as you don't chuck me a couple of Celebrations and say that's my tip?"

Gary loosens his hand and takes it from the pocket, empty. "No pal, the tip is don't be a smart cunt." The door is slammed with gusto.

Shortly after, a young mother ushers her three little darlings up the drive. She knocks, the littleuns excited for their first house on their first Halloween.

A shout from inside: "NO SMART CUNTS"

NJ Uncut

Gary and Daz go trick or treating door to door with the traditional question.

"Fiver each or your car window, cunt?"

Glebe

"Happy Halloween, Gary!"

"Faggot."

Bum Flaps

"Another successful Halloween, Dazzer' sighs Gary, sinking back luxuriously into his Easy-Boy chair, dipping into a large carrier bag for a fistful of novelty chocolates, and thumbing the remote over to Babestation (preset #2).

The camera draws slowly back, retreating out of the window and into the front garden, it rises to 2nd floor level, and pans round, we finally take in the horror of the street scene outside.

Shattered pumpkins litter the street, a Smart car and a Nissan Leaf are upturned in the middle of the road, various children in shredded costumes run all directions, tears streaming down their faces, small fires blaze in front gardens as far as the eye can see.

The camera fades to black.....a logo suddenly appears:

I bet he drinks Carling Black Label!

Glebe

"I've fucking had it, Daz. You can't open The Sun website on your phone nowadays without reading about immigrants, gays or women complaining about their rights and that. We're all supposed to be 'politically correct' and 'socially aware' nowadays... whatever happened to good old-fashioned ignorance?"

"Well at least you're still carrying the torch for that, Gary."

"Yes, and I intend to keep the flame of hateful defiance burning for as long as I stand, Daz. For as long as I live, there'll be at least one 'orrible cunt left in Britain!"

"One of many, Gary! You're the voice of the Silent Majority!"

"I can't tell if you're taking the piss or owt out of me no more, Daz. C'mere... it's time for a beating!"

Glebe

"You're not singing, you're not singing, you're not singing nowwww!"

"Do you have to beat up every nerd we pass, Ledge?"

Glebe

"Morning, Daz!"

"Morning, Ledge!"

"Wonder what time's breakfast... oh here's the trays through the hatch now!"

Glebe

"Daz, I don't like you. Daz? You deaf mate?"

"Sorry Gary, it stops being funny when you do it fifteen times in succession."

Glebe

Gary kills Daz and is imprisoned for 25 years.

NJ Uncut

Quote from: Glebe on November 06, 2019, 01:37:55 AM
Gary kills Daz and is imprisoned for 25 years.

BARBELL KILLER'S STATEMENT TO POLICE: "LMAO"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary asks the cashier if these fireworks wot he is buying are white British and for forks

Jim Bob

Quote from: NJ Uncut on November 06, 2019, 07:44:27 AM
BARBELL KILLER'S STATEMENT TO POLICE: "LMAO"

"Sir, this is not a lolz situation"

Glebe

"Hello, the police? Heh... yeah... nah I'm just calling to say that me mate Daz has eaten a big block of hash, heh!"

"Er... we're coming round son, we'll send an ambulance too."

"Yeah... heh, he's, he's gone all small! He's curled up like a ball, about the circumference of a small child! Chuckle! Yeah... he's growing smaller, mate! By the second! Maybe it's just the block I ate, though! Ooh! Heh!"

Shoulders?-Stomach!