LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[Paul Calf]

One day, after five-and-a-half hours solid of 'donkey dobber Daz', Darren Eldritch Pubesworth goes mental with a betting shop pen, leaving Gary twitching his last, his face slick with blood, his right eye a coagulating mass of blood and tissue.

When the police arrive, Daz's fingers are gripping the pen so tightly that paramedics have to administer a sedative and a muscle relaxant before the police are able to extract it and drop it into an evidence bag.

[Glebe]

"I don't believe there are Gays, Daz. I think they're all pretending to get sympathy."

[Glebe]

"EN-GER-LAND! EN-GER-LAND!"

"I agreed to help you on your paper round on the understanding that you wouldn't do that in every letterbox, Gary."

"Alright, Daz. I'll just shout it in the coloured's ones."

[Sherringford Hovis]

Gary puts on Dangerzone by accident instead of Footloose. Avocato doesn't mind - it's all Loggins, all good.

[Glebe]

"Here Daz, did you order a takeaway?"

"Nah, Gary. Why?"

"There's an Asian gentlemen in the driveway."

"That's Mr. Patel from next door, Gary."

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary and Daz get the train to Bristol just to have a couple of pints at the Three Lions in order to thank Sean. End up in a park in Avonmouth.

[Glebe]

"You're a real miscreant, Gary, you know that?" Daz chuckles over a pint at The Grouse and Mallet.

"Fuck off, Daz! I'm a nice bloke really!" reacts Gary, almost spitting out his Stella.

"Ah, you have your moments, but generally you're a bit of a racist, sexist, homophobic thicko! Whereas I'm actually pretty smart and socially-aware but just go along with things for larks!"

"That's not fair, Daz! I've matured a lot over the last couple of years! 'member I gave two quid to that begging Romani a little while ago?"

"That bloke was Scottish, Gary, and you were drunk! What about over in Marbella during the summer, when you started hassling that transsexual on the beach?"

"Fuck's sake, it looked like Jeremy Clarkson in a wig! But give us some credit, Daz, I've grown!"

"Alright, Gary, you've... improved, we'll put it that way."

"THANK you!"

"Amazed you understood 'miscreant', actually Ledge. 'nother pint?"

[NJ Uncut]

Paul rejects the notion of supporting Spurs out of hand. Their motto is just too much.

[Glebe]

Paul rejects the notion of supporting Spurs out of hand. Their motto is just too much.

"What you looking at, pal? Fuck off!"

"Gary, settle down!"

"Sorry lads, wandered in here by mistake! That wasn't very safe, was it?"

[NJ Uncut]

"What you looking at, pal? Fuck off!"

"Gary, settle down!"

"Sorry lads, wandered in here by mistake! That wasn't very safe, was it?"

"Seen an argument here before," notes Perry, just before Gary lamps him for "chatting shit", causing Paul to flee back where he belongs. Neddy considers having a go at Gary and Daz, believe you me, he considers it alright!

[petril]

MACACQUE DEL keeps a low profile in the corner

[Fambo Number Mive]

We should have a VERSUS of HS Art characters. Love to see Legend Gary take on Juggy.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary coins the phrase 'out on the Ken'

'I were proper on the Ken Big time mert'

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary heard they have a town in Lancashire called Islam now, and even if they don't that's the sort of thing that's down the track. How are citizens going to go out on the Ken like peaceful folk if the Muslims start having towns?

[Glebe]

We should have a VERSUS of HS Art characters. Love to see Legend Gary take on Juggy.

"Daz, there's some mentalcase hanging around outside."

"Leave him alone and he'll go away, Ledge."

"Oi! You! Get out of our garden!"

"Oh, Juggy! Oh deee! Oh bu-dee!"

"I'm not your 'buddy'! Now clear off before I lamp you one, mate!"

[Glebe]

"Cuh, another typical day on the estate, broken bottles strewn all over the path!"

"Yeah, terrible waste Daz, they make great offensive weapons!"

[Glebe]

"How'd the date go, Daz?"

"Don't ask, Ledge. She weren't interested."

"It's them nerdy glasses, Daz! Make you look like a right herbert!"

"Not now, Gary. I'm feeling tender."

[jenna appleseed]

Legend Gary has his own Scent Of A Legend aftershave for manly men range at poundland
Daz is officially banned from buying it on orders of the Gary because he's too "lol gay".

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary makes sure everyone in the carriage can hear both sides of the loud, expletive-filled conversation he is having by turning the phone volume up as loud as possible.

Does the same when collecting his daughter from nursery.

[Paul Calf]

Gary makes sure everyone in the carriage can hear both sides of the loud, expletive-filled conversation he is having by turning the phone volume up as loud as possible.

Does the same when collecting his daughter from nursery.

"Technically a Polanski," Gary guffaws noisily on the upper deck of the number 10 as it inches through traffic on the City Road.

[Jim Bob]

Gary joins a peadophile hunter group.  "Best to deflect the spotlight of criticism by protesting 'gainst it, innit.  If I point at others, they can't point at me."

[Glebe]

"Got any jonnies, Daz?"

"All out, Gary."

"Good well at least I asked - now to be irresponsible!"

[king_tubby]

Legend Gary doesn't realise there's been a new thread for the last three months.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Gary changes sayings which include 'Jesus' and or 'Christ' to 'Gaz'.

Gaz on a bike!

Ey, Ey gettit

[Glebe]

"Daz, how do I txt 'transsensuals'?"

[Glebe]

"Daz, I'm bursting for piss!"

"Alright Gary, come in... but there's no shower curtain!"

Gary gets a boner. Daz just looks away uncomfortably.

[petril]

Gary receives a phonecall from John Culshaw doing his Tom Baker voice. he has no idea who it is or who the voice seems to be.

still talks at him anyway

[Huxleys Babkins]

Legend Gary's grumble-inspired plan to get off with his estranged step-mum falls apart after he tracks her down to Leafy Meadows care home.

"I swear to God she was only mid-40s, Daz."

[Glebe]

Ledge and Daz are playing FIFA 20, when Ledge suddenly puts his controller down.

"Fuck it, Daz, I can contain myself no longer. I love you and I want to fuck you. Let's strip naked and shag on the carpet."

Daz pretends not to hear him, and this odd moment will never be mentioned again. But Ledge will occasionally shoot him yearning, longing glances and Daz has something else to talk to his counsellor about.

[Glebe]

"I'll tell you what Daz, that was the nicest bag of dolly mixtures I've ever eaten!"

"Glad you enjoyed them Ledge, I'll be popping over to the shops again soon so there's plenty more where they came from!"