LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[wosl]

^ Legend Gary thinks that the Oxford comma should be 'botch-gassed', like that murderer they had to have two cracks at in Arkansota.


_{^{new page absolutely played a blinder god thankyou you cunt}}

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary puts a horse down 'for its own good' and it collapses onto Pubes Daz, breaking his hip.

[Gregory Torso]

Legend Gary is tricked into seeing a two hour cartoon about a snail but is unable to leave because the usher looks a bit tidy and Gary doesn't "feel like" having a scrap today.
Later, he breaks Daz's cankles while breathlessly huffing, "that was NOT a superhero movie, you arsehopper"

[Gregory Torso]

Legend Gary is kicked out of the Natural History museum for calling the allosaurus "Belmosaurus Rex".

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary possesses enough bog roll to last for 5 years but goes around every retail outlet clearing them out as 'the idea of everyone with wet shitty arses turns me on to be frank Pubes'

[wosl]

(Removed by request)

[Glebe]

Gary, Daz and the lads go to Tokyo in defiance of the "Coroner's Virus". Drunk on saki at a karaoke bar, Gary does a belting version of The Scorpions' 'Wind of Change'. He has tears in his eyes coming off the little stage. "Best night of me life Daz. Best night of me life."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary ''self isolating'' with a bag of cum, tweets '2 days worth, off for cigs in a bit'

[Glebe]

"Its quiet out there," says Gary.

"Too quiet," adds Daz.

"Its all Corona Beers Virus' fault, Daz."

Daz does not bother replying to this statement.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary announces he is 'fully fireguarded from the loo roll situation'. He has been wiping his arse on socks

Try it, he urges. Socks.

[Glebe]

"Daz is it alright to use bleach as hand sanitizer? Daz? Daz?"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary asks if you can uneat a monkey

Yahoo answers: 'yes yue can' 1 day ago S_Terry_81

[Kryton]

Gets a bit of a sweat on, bit of a cough but goes to a foam party.

[Glebe]

"Did you enjoy your walk Gary?"

"'Walk'? Nah Daz, been down the pub socializing and rubbing my dirty hands on everyone!"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary's core body temperature is described as 'abnormal, but as per usual'.

He grins. Cheers Doc

*spits in palm*

Shake on it

[Glebe]

Gary covers Daz in soap.

[Glebe]

"Hello Gary, is Daz there?"

"Yes, Mrs. Daz."

"Would you please tell him to come home as his dinner is ready?"

"I will get him now, Mrs. Daz. He just done gone go to the kitchen to get heself some Wagon Wheels."

"Eh?!"

[Glebe]

"Gary, the local Spar staff are donning face masks and delivering free hygiene products to people who can't get out, isn't that nice? You're not even listening, are you?"

"Come on Daz, let's go to 'Spoons! At least they have the balls to stay open!"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary posts on Facebook "Haven't had one off the wrist for a couple of days! COCKDOWN"

[Glebe]

"This lockdown ain't too bad, Gary... at least we can sit on the couch all day, eat Pringles, drink Stella and play FIFA!"

"What of it?"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary lasts about an hour at home, largely making dinner (hoops and sausages) before deciding to scar the Internet and those on it.

A series of troll accounts prove particularly successful.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

PUBES DAZ: "Gary, I'm afraid my mother passed away last night due to the coronavirus.

LEGEND GARY: HAHAHAHA!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Trackie Tez (famous not for sportswear but for the biro used in his emergency tracheostomy) is fed vodka by Legend Gary 'down the penhole you fucking cunt'.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

What's your favourite type of duck, Gary?

.... White British

[Paul Calf]

"...Hungary though, Gary."

"Nice uniforms though, Daz. You can't deny that."

"Boss, Gaz," confirms Daz.

[Glebe]

"How's that can of Stella Gary?"

"It has a fruity bouquet with a hint of hops that linger long on the palette, Daz. Think it's a '19 or  20. '19 I reckon actually. A good year."

[Glebe]

"Gary will you stop sleeping on top of me please?"

"Snoooore."

[Kryton]

Legend Gary stole a monkey from the zoo (in 2018) and keeps it in the spare bedroom.
Pubes Daz usually feeds it chips but since he's been self isolating (more or less), and in a moment of cold sobriety LG suddenly realises the house has been very quiet for a few days.

[Kryton]

Feeling bad about Pube Daz's dead monkey, Legend Gary takes a couple of half eckies and breaks into a safari park looking for a replacement. Eventually comes home with a plant pot called Ian, utterly caked in monkey shit and blood.

[Glebe]

Daz's phone rings.

"Alright Gary, where are you?"

"On the continent, Daz. Was getting a bit bored cooped up like that! See you in a few weeks!"

"You fucking braindead arsehole Gary you -he's rung off."