LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[Pingers]

Gary has visited Pornhub so many times there is now a category called Gary Porn. Or so he reckons.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary and Daz get their pills and covid ready for a lockdown-breaching rave: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-shropshire-52696720

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary builds a fort of hoarded toilet rolls and hides in there for four hours after his girlfriend asks him to help with the laundry.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary reckons those spitting folk are disgusting. No lower form of slag out there. Would rather be hit than spat on.

Cums in Daz's ear later that evening while Daz is distracted by a podcast about baked beans.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Legend Gary Tangoes Daz in front of the local cop shop. Aint nuttin' none yoose kidz gonna do bout it, is there, britchezzz

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary and Daz claim their podcast was banned after the forces of globalism and Remainers banded together to get it dropped, but instead they got bored after four episodes, which were mostly swearing, farting and sexist comments anyway. The one amusing bit, where Gary sprained his knee mid-recording, was never uploaded.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Legend Gary's excuse that he's been wanking non stop the past week so decided to drive to Durham to check all this knob polishing hasn't affected his eyesight is not accepted by the police.

£60 fine, Mr Gary.

[king_tubby]

Daz! Daz! Daz! Printer's just delivered!

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary and Daz and the rest of the lads are on the Tube on the way to the demo, maskless and brainless. Urinal Fred gives Daz a wedge as the doors open at Westminster, before high fiving Gary who shouts "Let's protect some statues lads"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary has painted his penis to look like a statue of William Churchill and is running up to antifa teens girls demanding it is 'torn down'.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary reserves his cheese rolling trackies for 'the day proper'.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

New mate Regurge Phil

Tells the same anecdotes over and over but solid mate

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

After Borderline Nonce Si goes a bit borderline the crew decide whether to cast him adrift.

Si finds an ally in Legend Gary

'Come on guys, yes he may have touched that girl. One girl. Not loads like the Asians. But if you remove all characters and personality from football the game's gone. Same applies here'

'No we never want anything to do with him again'

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary says a tearful goodbye as his favourite fruity ''John'' is wheeled from the pub forever.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It's the whole Who Am I game, post it note to the forehead

Takes 1 second for Legend Gary to guess 'wanker'

[Blue Jam]

"Look Daz, if I was President of America, right, I would totally send in a load of hard FBI lads in, to kick the shit out all the protesters and that. I'd call it 'Operation Legend'."

"Yeah, well if I was your Vice President I'd tell you to make that your last Stella and get to bed, Gaz."

"Oh yeah? Well I'd just tell you to fuck off":

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-53507660

[Fambo Number Mive]

Daz secretly writes to Trump asking if the next one can be called Operation Daz.

[Blue Jam]

Dear Mr Pubes Daz,

Thank you for your suggestion. I have agreed to name my next operation of coordinated brutality after you, but will follow the established naming convention and name it "Operation Pubes". I hope this is to your satisfaction.

LOL,

President Donald Trump

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary 'can't be left alone with that bottle of ribena'

[Glebe]

Staring out the living room window, Gary observes a young girl delivering a basket of food items to an elderly coupling who are cocooning down the road.

"You okay Gary?"

"Sniff.... yeah, Daz. I'm just really moved by the kindness of a small child!"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary questions women in hijab/niqab over mask usage (is not actually wearing a mask while doing so)

[Glebe]

"Decided to start wearing a mask out, Daz!"

"Good for you, Gary! What prompted this sudden and surprizingly measured decision?"

"Well, I thought long and hard about it Daz and it's just not worth putting myself at risk of the Japanese AIDS!"

[Kryton]

Legend Gary says a tearful goodbye as his favourite fruity ''John'' is wheeled from the pub forever.

But is happy to see it in his living room when he returns home from the pub, thanks to Big Mike with his Big Van. There's no coins in it, but it still does the trick.

[Glebe]

"Daz, put this dress on. From now on you're my woman, alright?"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The trick is simple. Hide in someone's bin then when they open it go OOOOOZA PRETTTY BOY

Outsources the idea to Daz as can't be fooked with stress testing it.

Daz is found sleep in someone's bin with maggots crawling over him. God, he really is in an absolute state.

Brilliant. Maybe that was the real trick all along, Gary tells himself.

[Glebe]

"Happy Birthday Daz!"

"It's not my birthday, Gary."

Gary gets the red mist.

"C'mere, Daz... you're in for a kicking!"

[Glebe]

Gary is taking a stroll along a canal on his own. Suddenly he spots Daz in the water.

"HELP, GARY! I'M DROWING!"

"I care not."

[Glebe]

Gary borrows a fiver off Adipose Harold. He's not getting it back.

[Chedney Honks]

The eternal duality of Gary

[Glebe]

"Donald Trunk is right about them immogents, Daz. They climb over walls into countries and spread this coruna 19. Send 'em back to Majorca!"