LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[Glebe]

"I had the AIDS dream again, Daz!"

"You've gotten obsessed with this now, Gary."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You dunderhead Gary! You buffoon! You rapscallion! You scallywag! You blackguard! You scoundrel!

Daz is cosplaying as Legend Gary's spirit guide to liven up 'it's just walking around' Skyrim.

[Glebe]

"There we go... family pack of Wagon Wheels, 30 bags of Rancheros, 40 Rothmans and a large Dairy Milk. Oh, and they were out of Lucozade so I got a 2L of Tesco lemonade instead!"

"But Daz, where's the Lucozade?"

"I just told you Gary, there was no Lucozade. And I'm not traipsing up to Spar to check in there."

"But Daz, why didn't you get Lucozade!"

"They were out of Lucozade, Gary! And I ain't going further than Tesco! Do I have to tell you again?"

"But Daz!"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary ends up in A&E after a drunken pub fight. That's paid for by the 14th May clapping, he thinks to himself, as an exhausted nurse puts four stitches in his stupid head.

"Be careful, love! I clapped for you!"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The chitin shell on Legend Gary's fancy dress turtle fails to withstand the impact of a swerving hearse.

[Glebe]

"Here Daz, Shell Suit Sheridan has had a kid with Spendthrift Sandra! Of course you wouldn't have heard 'cos we're not good enough for you anymore!"

"That's not true Gary. Just because I'm doing this job course doesn't mean I've lost touch with the crew!"

"You've become an intellectual, Daz! You no longer wish to mix with us working-class folk!"

"You exaggerate. I merely wish to better myself. Stop being so immature Gary."

"I AM NOT FUCKING IMMATURE YOU GAY TWAT!"

Gary starts sticking Lego bricks into Daz's ears.

[Glebe]

Gary is recovering in hospital after a serious injury.

"Thanks for the grapes, Daz. Here, look at the state of that guy over there! Gay!"

"Gary, that's the surgeon who saved your life."

"State of him."

[Glebe]

Gary converts Daz's face into a melted Boglin.

[Glebe]

Gary has an automated woman's voice doing the OFAH 'Gary! Gary!' as his ringtone. "Fucking hilarious Daz, I'm asking people to ring me more often just so as I can hear it! Daz? Daz?"

Daz has swallowed a vial of poison.

[Glebe]

'STRAIGHT AND PROUD.'

"That's an intriguing flag you've made to fly out your window Gary."

[king_tubby]

Eh Daz, George Bush, eh? Bush! Like a fanny!

Eh Daz. Obama! More like a bummer, do you get it?

True, Gary, true. Trump, eh? Eh? Trump?

Nothing funny about that, you fucking dildo.

[Glebe]

"Actually speaking of Trump, Gary, I really hope American doesn't keep him in office with the election coming up."

"You seem to know a lot about politics Daz. C'mere, y'nerd!"

[jenna appleseed]

Careful, you've just set Gary off on singing the trumpety trump, trump, trump, trump bit from Nelly the Elephant again.

He thinks it's a #loldonny show of support, the cunt.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary glues one of his niece's nappies to his face before attending a protest against face masks. Unfortunately, he picks up a soiled one by mistake and ends up in hospital.

[Glebe]

"Daz mate I'm feeling a bit emotional after watching a Facebook video about a cat."

"That's alright, Gary mate. You snuggle up on the couch and I'll make us a lovely pot of Typhoo!"

"Thanks Daz... sniff! And you may as well break out the Wagon Wheels while you're at it!"

When Daz comes back Gary is fast asleep curled up on the couch. With a shake of the head and a smile, Daz puts the tray down and slides Gary's favourite cushion under his sleeping noggin!

[Glebe]

Gary puts Daz in a cement mixer. Arrested later, 15 years to life.

[Glebe]

"Really into that dearth mental music at the moment Daz."

"It's death metal, Gary."

"LOOK JUST FUCKING LEAVE IT DAZ! You're heading for a beating, sunshine!"

[seepage]

Gary's well into his second bottle of Chilean Chardonnay:

"I'm done with FIFA, Daz, let's get down 'spoons and discuss Nietzsche"

[seepage]

Gary paints Daz' nipples a fetching Duck Egg Blue.

[Glebe]

Brum the car makes a celebrity appearance at Gary's local shopping centre. Gary hotwires him and drives to Brighton. "This is the worst thing that has ever happened to our town," says the major of Gary's town.

[king_tubby]

Legend Gary denies Christ three times before the rooster crows.

[petril]

LEGEND GARY once considered Lily Savage in about 1996, aaaah

[seepage]

Gary has a moment and buys some Penny Brix off of ebay.

[seepage]

just noticed there is a 'Penny Brix' on linkedin. Stupid parents.

[Glebe]

Gangland Kennie threatens to do Gary's kneecaps if he doesn't join in on 'The Great PPE Heist'.

[Glebe]

"Fancy going for a stroll, Gary?"

"Nah Daz I have to go and see Julian Mendip."

"Who's Julian Mendip?"

"The aggression counsellor guy that's been assigned to me over that 'incident'."

"Okay then. Good luck."

[king_tubby]

Legend Gary, are you coming to the pub?

No Daz, I am not.

Eh? Why?

Darren, I AM THE PUB

[Glebe]

Legend Gary, are you coming to the pub?

No Daz, I am not.

Eh? Why?

Darren, I AM THE PUB

Gary is only allowed to do business if he serves a SUBSTANTIAL MEAL and makes sure that distance regs are adhered to.

[king_tubby]

But Legend Gary, it says here you need to serve a substantial meal.

Well, Darren, fest your eyes on this enormous sausage!

Oh ffs

[Glebe]

"Gary where are you?"

"I'm in the toilet doing my wee-wees, Daz."