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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Fambo Number Mive

Gary inflates a condom and puts it over his head. Never mind those masks, he's got a new way of beating the virus.


seepage

Gary politely enquires why Kronenbourg isn't included in the Tesco Meal Deal.

seepage

Gary's first foray into electronic music is to replicate the c word on the Theremin.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary is egging you on

Sorry, to complete that statement, Legend Gary is egging you on Thursday. This is your advanced warning.

Glebe

Gary jumps out from behind the couch dressed as the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

"RAAARRRRGH!!!"

"OH FUCK ME ARRRHHHHH!!!"

"Calm down Daz, I'm just trying out me Halloween costume! Oh fuck sorry mate didn't mean to attack you so hard. I'll ring A&E."

Glebe

Daz expresses his support for Antifa, prompting Gary to deem him a "liptart".

Glebe

A Stella Artois ad comes on the telly. Gary's expression turns blank and he starts mindlessly strangling Daz. He comes out of it as the ad ends. "Fuck, what am I doing? Sorry Daz... it happened again!"

Blue Jam


Glebe

Quote from: Blue Jam on September 16, 2020, 12:12:48 PM"No Gary, a snake is not a valid face covering":

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-54163293

"Sid was so exciting to be going on a bus journey an' all, Daz! Fucking killjoys... still, at least I made the news, 'fame at last'!"

Glebe

"Gary, my Tracey is having dinner tonight, her sister who you fancy will be there... you can come along if you're on your best behaviour."

"Nah Daz, gonna hang around the estate and set off fireworks."

Glebe

"Fancy a Stella from the fridge, Gary."

"Yes thank you Daz. Y'know Daz, that's a very loving gesture. That's a wonderful show of kindness!"

"No prob Gary!"

king_tubby

Slating Legend Gary and Pubes Daz is leftie iconoclasm. Harsher criticisms could be made about the prophet Mohammed and it feels to me like those who would be willing to cancel Legend Gary and Pubes Daz would recoil from criticism of Mohammed.

Glebe

"What'll we watch on Netflix, Gary?"

"The Lincoln Lawyer."

"You always want to watch that! Nah... how about La Haine? Although I must warn you that it is French and in black and white."

"Nah Daz, the subtitles is one thing but I hate black and white movies, even Laurel & Hardy has to be colorized for me! Come on mate, The Lincoln Lawyer!"

"Sigh. I don't understand your obsession with that movie, but okay Fifth watch this month."

Glebe

"Daz, I'm feeling a bit down."

"That's alright Gary mate. I'll pop the kettle on and we'll play FIFA '20"

"You're a good lad, Daz. I-"

Gary suddenly breaks down.

"There, there, Gary. There's some ginger nuts in the press, they'll help things along!"

"Cheers Daz! Oh Daz you're the best pal! How's the broken arm by the way?"

"It's healing nicely since you broke it Gary."

Glebe

"GARY! GARY!"

"Stop it, Gary."

"GARY! GARY!"

For once it is Daz who kills Gary. The police bring no charges against Daz.

Fambo Number Mive

Legend Gary convenes a eight-person Zoom call to decide what names he should give his testicles.

Glebe

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 22, 2020, 03:17:10 PMLegend Gary convenes a eight-person Zoom call to decide what names he should give his testicles.

"Was thinking of James for the left one - but I'm also kinda sweet on Jimmy?"

Glebe

Gary is planning to go out on Halloween dressed as a can of Stella.

Glebe

"Alright Daz, what are you-"

Daz's room is adorned with photographs of Gary with 'DIE! DIE!' scrawled all over them in red. Daz himself is stabbing an scarecrow-like effigy of Gary with a pen knife and chanting "I hate you I hate you I hate you," over and over.

"Er, what's going on Daz?"

"Oh Gary. Hi."

There is an awkward pause.

"Look I'm sorry you had to see that, Gary. I'm sorry you had to see that."

Glebe

Gary puts Daz in a big rabbit hutch. After a week of protests, Gary eventually concedes that he's gone too far.

"We'll have to get you a bigger hutch, Daz. Barely enough room for a small child in there. And I'm sure you're fed up of the carrot diet at this stage."

Fambo Number Mive

Gary buys another t-shirt from the Br*zz*rs store. This time it's got Abe**a Danger on it.

Glebe

Gary rings his local police station.

"Hello, your local police station? How can I help?"

"It's about me mate Daz. He's been goin' around smashing up shops and robbin' money off kids."

"Have you witnessed any of this yourself, sir?"

"Yeah... he's a nonce as well."

"Now hang on, mate... you'll have to make proper statements about any crimes you have been witness to."

"Yeah whatever. But Daz is a right bad 'un. He's a bit of a twat and all. Complete cunt."

"Alright sir, this is going nowhere. You're wasting police time. 'Daz'.... hang on, is this Gary Braithwaite is it? If so we've been looking to speak to you in relation to a number of incid-"

Gary hangs up.

Glebe

"Can I get out of the tumble dryer now, Gary."

"Just a few more hours, Daz. Just a few more hours."

king_tubby

Legend Gary gets his hog out at an anti-mask rally.

Fambo Number Mive

#534
Legend Gary takes a selfie of himself and Laurence Fox.

Glebe

Gary joyrides around Camberwell in a stolen Bentley.

Fambo Number Mive

Legend Gary adds another aubergine emoji to his Twitter profile. Another Union Jack as well? Gary scratches his hairy balls while he decides. No, four is enough.

Glebe

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 28, 2020, 07:54:19 PMLegend Gary adds another aubergine emoji to his Twitter profile. Another Union Jack as well? Gary scratches his hairy balls while he decides. No, four is enough.

"You're all right with a yellow man's head, I don't think that's a Chinese man. But don't use a dark emoji head or they'll think you're a bloody Al keeda."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary takes a full evening rifling through his research and correspondence, peering over his reading glasses, twiddling his fountain pen and taking long careful pauses to think and reflect.

Is becoming master of lockdown more my persona or is it being the curfew breaking king?

He goes for the second because the first is 'effort'.

The Bumlord

Legend Gary bums your sister and she bloody loves it.